THE
DIOGENES REPORT
The
Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a
few steps ahead of the curve”
June 2003, VOL. III, # 14
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Starting today (June 17) every member of the Israeli cabinet, including the Prime Minister, Mr. Powder Puff, should be required to ride public busses, whether traveling on official or personal business. There must be no exceptions to this requirement. The families of all of these individuals also must follow the same rule.
I’ll give you substantial odds that the smart Jews in the government will quickly find a way to end the bus bombing. It may that Gaza and other Arab areas will become uninhabitable or that the Arab populations of Sinai and Lebanon will increase dramatically.
The bus riding requirement will help the Israeli ministers carry out their obligations to the citizens of Israel—regardless of outside pressure—better than injections of testosterone.
The American administration and its bureaucratic peers in Israel keep pointing to Yasir Arafat as the main cause for the warfare between Israel and the Palestinian Arabs. While their argument is wrong, it saves them from identifying the real culprits which would be impolitic.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe that Yasir is a slimy, underhanded S.O.B. but he is not the basic problem causing Arab terrorism and hatred. Even if he disappeared, these problems would still flourish. The Grand Mufti is no longer around nor is the guy who headed the Arab League but the problems they were part of are still in play. Others in the game like Nasser, Assad and Saddam are no longer with us but the problems they were part of are still very much in play.
What does that tell us?
The problem is not the individual leader but the Arab culture and the Muslim religion which generate hatred and violence—and have done so since they came on the world scene. Any public official who identifies this problem correctly will be labeled biased or a racist. Obviously it is politically correct to blame everything on Yasir.
In Nigeria, a woman was sentenced to death under Shariah (Islamic law) for having sex outside of marriage and having a baby. The method of carrying out the sentence is to bury her in sand up to her neck and then to stone her. My question is, does her face have to be covered by a veil while she is being stoned? What if she can’t afford a veil? Will a Muslim charity divert some funds from arms purchases for Islamic terrorists and buy a veil for her?
We know that George W. Bush is going all out to give our young people an education in geography, foreign cultures, international relations and law enforcement by sending them to Afghanistan, Iraq and other far-flung countries. But what else is he doing for education?
“W” is outdoing Ronald Reagan when it comes to the environment. Remember when Ronnie, not to stand in the way of logging, said that when you’ve seen one Redwood, you’ve seen them all. “W” apparently believes that when you’ve seen one forest, you’ve seen them all. He has given permission to allow logging in the two largest previously untouched national forests. And is planning to open other ‘roadless’ national forests. If 100,000 trees fall in the forest and there’s nobody in the Oval Office will we hear them?
A judge ruled that the officials of the Metropolitan Transit Authority lied about its finances to push through toll increases. Before the increase was reversed commuters paid the higher tolls. It seems to me this was a case of stealing several million dollars from the commuters. How about sending the officials to jail? They would insist that this be done to fare beaters.
You thought it was the U.S. Army, Marines, the Navy with its Cruise Missiles, and the Air Force with its J bombs. Were you wrong! A lot of our guys and gals are still there keeping their heads down not to get shot. Some are getting killed and wounded. The Defense Department and the White House are under constant attack by enemies and friends around the world and at home.
Look at the supposed losers. The remnants of Saddam’s army are demanding jobs and payment for their lost wages. The Shiites are telling us who they will sit down with to prepare a new government. When was the last time they told Saddam who they would sit with? Oh yes, Shiite corpses are being dug up every day from that time.
The man in the street is demanding immediate resumption of electricity, phone service, water, garbage pickup. When was the last time they demanded those services from Saddam? Oh yes? Man-in-the-street bodies are being uncovered every day from that time.
Businessmen and former officials are demanding that they and not Americans should control the oil fields and the oil revenues that eventually will come from the oil. Of course they never made this demand of Saddam. Nevertheless, Saddam tortured and killed a few thousand of this group who he thought may have dreamt about making such a demand.
Next time any of these people make a demand of the Americans. Pack a few busses with Shiites and send them to a Sunni mosque: then pack some busses with Sunnis and ship to a Shiite mosque; as for the guys who want to control the oil fields, ship them to Kurdish headquarters.
In a few days everyone will know who won the war and the Iraqis will stop being so demanding.
At the Greater Cincinnati Airport, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested yesterday trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
When Roger Maris hit 61 home runs for the Yankees breaking Babe Ruth’s record, the baseball purists and the worshippers of the Bambino insisted that an asterisk go into the record book next to the 61 because the season was longer than when Ruth hit his 60.
Now that Sammy Sosa was discovered using a corked bat will the purist insist that an asterisk appear next to his name if he breaks Bobby Bond’s home run record.
By the way, does Bobby Bonds’ record get an asterisk because body-building drugs have made Bobby an ersatz person?
It’s not just NPR. It seems like most of the media use a double standard when it comes to describing murders with a political, social or religious agenda. If they operate within Arab, European, Asian countries or the United States, they are terrorists. If their murderous operations take place in Israel, they are “militants.” With the growth in anti-Semitism, I expect the term “militants” to be replaced by “nationalists.”
Remember when the Republicans’ favorite battle cry was: “The national debt is too high?” They shouted it loud and often, and they blamed it on the Democrats. Some joker put up a huge calculator in Times Square that showed how fast the national debt was rising. If you asked the man on the street to name America’s most critical problem, the answer invariably was: “the national debt.”
Now that the Republicans are the big spenders in Washington and the national debt is going through the roof, why aren’t the Democrats shouting? What a bunch of incompetent wimps.
Names that fit and names that don’t.
This one fits: Scott Bender is a chiropractic physician in Stamford, CT.
This one also fits: When the Pope, at a Mass, recently asked the Croats to forgive their enemies, the Serbs, one woman said, ”It’s hard to forgive,” as she entered a church. Her fitting name, Ivka Barbaric. She can’t forgive, but she has forgotten the evil her Nazi countrymen perpetrated against the Serbs in World War ll.
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.
Only in their own countries.
Why should it? It was only amnesty for Russian deserters.
Israel, Palestinians Cooperate On Water
It’s what I call even-handed. The Israelis can stay on the surface, the Arabs can remain underwater.
Fulfill their wish, bring back Saddam.
What about the deer and the antelope?
Mistake #1. The police were involved.
And he didn’t even cover Israel.
But he surely will tap the fortunes of others who want favors from the government.
Diocese Initiates New Sexual
Abuse Policy
For the priests or for the altar boys?
This County Leader promised to clean up corruption. What about those that didn’t promise?
Does jogging in-place count?
Should we consider this a light at the start of the tunnel?
Lucky that Moses was able to get them down from Mt. Sinai without being thrown in the slammer.
Now that they’re moving to a more formal organization, will they change their name to Frederick Mack?
They don’t know if it’s too late to let two vets who got cancer join a case against the chemical companies. I didn’t know that there is a statute of limitations on murder.
Are those damn Americans looting again—or maybe it’s the Israelis?
If you don’t keep an eye on the Stamford mayor, he’ll have his hand in your pocket.
Why can’t those scientists just walk over to the water cooler?
Don’t pick on him. At least we know he protected the kids. They were his customers.
Do you think he’ll call Robt. E. Lee as a character witness?
George W. Bush is so stupid, he lost his luggage on Air Force One.
- The Boondocks (comic strip)
Let’s get back to a two-party system, our one-and-a-half party system isn’t working.
- Emanuel L. Strunin
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
Truth forever on the scaffold, wrong forever on the throne.
- James Russell Lowell
Laws were made that the stronger might in all things not have his way.
- Ovid
Can we stop the world for a few days so I can catch up on my e-mail?
- Emanuel L. Strunin
Judge not a man by the words of his mother, but by the comments of his neighbors.
- Jewish folk saying
It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
- Henry L. Mencken
I guess if Ari had to rebel, being a Republican is better than being on drugs, but not by much.
- Alan Fleischer (Ari’s father)
Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens, we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.
- Andre Gide
The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.
- Jim Samuels
If it were not for the government, we would have nothing to laugh at in France
- Sebastian Chamfort (1740-1794)
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he’s a dirty little beast.
- W. S. Gilbert
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
- Robert Orben
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