THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
July 2003, VOL. III, # 16
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE FIRST HIT

The Stamford, CT Advocate, on July 2, ran my Jewish two-state solution as an op-ed piece. The paper’s headline is Putting A Spin On The Two-State Solution; the subhead is, The claim that every people should have a state of their own is a fallacy today and has been throughout history. They got it right. It is up to my readers, if they agree, to push the Jewish two-state solution through letters to the editor, op-ed pieces and letters to their elected officials. Go to it.

VERY TEMPORARY CEASE FIRE

The wording of the Hamas/Islamic Jihad declaration for the “suspension of military operations” contains a number of conditions to which is Israel is not likely to agree. But with a powder puff like Sharon, who can tell. Based on Israel’s not meeting these unilateral conditions, the Arabs can break the “hudna” today or tomorrow.

Their conditions include: lifting the siege on Arafat; releasing all prisoners and detainees without condition or restriction; and stopping all arrests. Meanwhile shelling of Jewish communities and murders have continued without strong reaction from the Israeli Government.

Apparently, powder puff will release some prisoners (who will immediately return to being terrorists). I’ll describe Sharon like Dr. Johnson described a second marriage—the triumph of hope over experience.

GO TO THE SOURCE

We are learning about all of the foreign Muslim terrorists who have come to Iraq to attack the American troops. Instead of putting our servicemen and women at risk, I think we should enlist the help of the governments where these fighters came from. Let American military or diplomatic representatives call on the leaders of Syria, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Egypt. Sudan and every other country—friend or foe—that we can connect with this phenomenon and tell them that the next time we find any of their nationals fighting in Iraq, we will obliterate the military headquarters in their country. Of course, this will put their noses out of joint, but I’ll bet that their borders will shut down tighter than the proverbial drum. The less guys shooting at us in Iraq, the better.

A PROFOUND VIEW OF THE CRIME AGAINST JONATHAN POLLARD

To Free A Captive Is To Free G-d

Rabbi Efraim Sprecher - The Jewish Press [NY] -June 20, 2003

"The sword is worse than death, famine is worse than the sword, captivity is worst of all" (Babylonian Talmud, Bava Batra 8a).

Throughout history, Jews have gone to remarkable lengths to retrieve their brethren from hostile hands. This mitzvah is referred to in rabbinic literature as "pidyon shvuyim" (redemption of captives). It is the only precept designated by the Talmud as a "mitzvah rabba" (great mitzvah). Its special status in Jewish law goes to the heart of defining the moral and material dimensions of the value of human life.

Oddly, however, given its unique standing in Jewish law, no specific directive to redeem captives is found anywhere in the Bible. Maimonides and other authorities do list a series of Biblical precepts that are violated, if one is remiss in fulfilling this duty. One- the obligation not to "rule over him (your fellow man) ruthlessly" (Leviticus 25:43) - is found in the Torah portion Behar. Yet this verse actually refers to the proper treatment of Jewish slaves owned by other Jews, not to the rescue of Jews from non-Jewish hands.

In fact, none of the verses cited by Maimonides in his major Halachic work "Yad Hazakah," refers directly to the rescue of captives. This duty, he explains, falls under the general rule of mandated assistance to the hungry, the naked and the imperiled.

The absence of a distinct legal imperative to rescue captives is offset by the high profile afforded this subject in the Biblical narrative. Abraham, the first redeemer of captives, risked everything by going to war against the great regional powers in order to rescue his captured kinsman Lot (Genesis 14). In Numbers 21, the nation of Israel initiated a war to retrieve (according to rabbinic tradition) a single captive of non-Jewish origin, whom the Canaanites had taken in battle. And King David responded similarly when Jewish captives were taken by the Amalekites (I Samuel 30). In all these cases, the mode of response was uncompromising, even in the absence of an explicit Divine command.

How are we to understand this absence of an explicit order to fulfill the 'great mitzvah"? The answer may lie in Rabbi Bachya ben Asher's "Kad Hachmah," which refers us to the Ten Commandments. In the First Commandment, which many Halachic authorities understood as the precept to believe in G-d, the Almighty presents Himself as the Great Redeemer, "I am the Lord your G-d, Who has taken you out of Egypt." Rabbi Bachya, like other commentators, is perplexed by the verse's reference to the Exodus. If any feat were to be highlighted in this identifying statement, surely the creation of universe is the most obvious choice. Why settle for a more "local" and less extraordinary miracle? Rabbi Bachya concludes that the verse describes G-d as the Redeemer of captives, as an exhortation to become like Him.

Thus it would appear that the rescue of captives is so cardinal a principle that it merits implicit mention in the fundamental Jewish tenet: to believe in G-d. How can we explain this? Jewish sources state that there is more than one type of captive. The Talmud (Berakhot 8a) describes G-d Himself as a "captive," Who can be "redeemed only through our observance of mitzvot and study of Torah.

Kabbalah teaches that the redemption of captives is a symbol of the entire 613 commandments. While G-d in Himself is infinite, His hidden presence in the world - the Shechinah - is perceived as being in exile and can be redeemed from its "imprisonment" through our good deeds. Thus, the fulfillment of all commandments is an act of redeeming captives that releases the spiritual potential latent in all corporeal (physical) reality.

Finally, the very term "redemption of captives" suggests that even the liberation of flesh-and-blood prisoners involves something larger than the restoration of their freedom. In rabbinic sources, this term is always give in the plural, suggesting that there is no such thing as a single captive, for the Jewish nation is understood as an organic "spiritual whole" - that acts as a vehicle for the revelation of G-d. This wholeness is viewed as a prerequisite for the revelation at Mount Sinai, the Messianic era, and the ultimate fulfillment of Jewish destiny.

Thus, as long as Jonathan Pollard is in captivity, all of us are in captivity as well.

ACROSS MY RADAR SCREEN

Independent Contractors

The “Palestinian” Information Minister said it was not clear whether Fatah was involved in the murder of the Bulgarian worker in Israel. “It was an individual attack that should not affect the truce declaration,” he added. It reminds me of the local Catholic bishop who claimed that the Church should not be held accountable for the sex crimes of its priests because the priests are not employees of the Church but “independent contractors.” So it’s OK for the members of the Al Aqsa Brigade to carry out murders without breaking the truce because they are operating as individuals—independent contractors, not employees.

Sorely Missed

The trite phrase heard at all funerals and featured in most obituary notices—sorely missed—has just been applied to a deep-diving, mini-sub that sunk in the Pacific off Japan. The affection that the scientists had for Kaiko, a bright yellow submarine that holds the record for diving to a depth of 36,008 is indeed touching. Maybe some cutting edge words, in keeping with Kaiko’s cutting edge missions would have been more fitting. Perhaps like, “may you find perfect rest down in oceanographer’s heaven at the bottom of the deep” or “may all your gurgles bring you joy.” Maybe “sorely missed” isn’t so bad.

Miami Vice

The University of Miami finally is slithering out of the Big East and joining the Atlantic Coast Conference. “It has been a bizarre, strange and goofy process,” said Donna Shalala, U of M president. “But it has allowed us the opportunity to give ourselves some distance, so that we got a view of who we are, where we are and where we want to be,” she said.

Anyone who has followed the story, knows who she and her university are. With the kind of administrations, athletic directors and coaches in America’s universities it is no wonder that so many of their athletes are winding up in the police blotter.

HEADLINES AND COMMENTS

Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Arab Table Tennis Player Becomes Celebrity After Refusing To Face Israeli
Just another Arab with no balls.

Per Bak, 54, Physicist Of Sudden Change, Dies
That was a sudden change for him.

Bush Calls For Changes In Africa To End Wars And Promote Trade
Now he thinks he is the Messiah.

Embattled College President Wins Backing Of Trustees
Since the president’s brother already killed 18 people and has hitmen at his command, which trustee would be foolish enough to vote against him?

Vatican Reaffirms Celibacy
Does the policy cover sex with altar boys?

Treasurer’s Office Reforms After Scandal Are Said To Be On Target 
See if they can catch us now.

Balloonist Again Tries To Cross Atlantic Ocean
That’s a lot of hot air.

In Bethlehem, Palestinians Struggle To Prepare For Possible Israeli Pullout
Main areas of struggle:
1. I can’t remember how to button my bomber vest.
2. How do you put the ammo clip into this wood AK47?
3. We need more target pictures of Sharon and that rabbi. They are being destroyed during bayonet practice.
4. When can we start shooting real bullets at Gilo?

Ex-Priests Facing Abuse Charges Are Freed From Los Angeles Jail
The first thing I’m going to do is join the Crips. Did you see the buns on those guys?

Soldiers Sent To Help Quell Riots In Malawi 
Wherever you go, you run into those peaceful Muslims.

U. S. Spending Against Terror Is Too Low, Report Warns
If our government is short of money, it can always borrow from an Islamic charity. This also will lower funding for terrorist organizations.

Body Found At LaGuardia
His head was floating in the East River. He probably lost his head while waiting for his luggage to come off the plane.

Police Raid Gone Awry: A Muddled Path To The Wrong Door
The NYPD should recruit from Actors Equity.

Brooklyn Man Dies 10 Days After Police Raid Home
What did I tell you? On the TV shows the cops don’t make these kind of mistakes.

Kashmir Clash Kills 12 Indian Soldiers During Visit By President
If they’re brave enough to fight the Indian army, those Muslims should have a state of their own.

Liberian President Defies Call By Bush To Give Up Post
He claims that a recount in Florida will show that he won fair and square.

A Few Gay Americans Tie The Knot In Canada
Vasectomies?

Former Addicts Celebrate Liberation
The addicts to Saddam in Iraq are not celebrating liberation. In the Arab world, addiction to tyrants seems to be incurable.

Gay Pride Parades Get Boost From Supreme Court Ruling
It feels good to have the Court behind you.

Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade Murders Foreign Worker
Help them earn their name. Send a dozen rockets into the mosque on Friday at noon. 

Mideast Leaders Vow To Push For Peace
Next they’re going to shake hands on the White House lawn.

Ganim Wants To Serve Prison Sentence At Camp
Camp Playland?

QUOTES I LIKE

President: The leading figure in a small group of men of whom—and of whom only—it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
    - Ambrose Bierce

Snow White and the nine dwarfs: George W. Bush and the Democratic hopefuls for the 2004 Presidential election.
- Emanuel L. Strunin

Youth is not a time of life—it is a state of mind....It is a temper of the will; a quality of the imagination; a vigor of the emotions; it is a freshness of the deep springs of life..... Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years; people grow old by deserting their ideals.
- Samuel Ullman

Nothing has changed in Russia’s policy....Her methods, her tactics, her maneuvers may change, but the pole star—world domination—is immutable.
- Karl Marx (1867)

Rich widows are the only secondhand goods that sell at first-class prices.
- Benjamin Franklin

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed.
- Irwin S. Cobb

America has a unique record. We never lost a war and we never won a conference in our lives. I believe we could...single-handed lick any nation in the world. But we can’t confer with Costa Rica and come home with our shirts on.
- Will Rogers (1920s)

Tyranny, like hell is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value.
- Thomas Paine

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
- Charles Lamb

I’d like to shop where Alan Greenspan shops. There’s no inflation there.
- Emanuel L. Strunin

I shook hands with a friendly Arab...I still have my right hand to prove it.
- Spike Milligan

Comments welcome. e-mail to: elscomm@earthlink.net
All issues of The Diogenes Report are on our web site -- www.diogenesreport.com