THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
August 2003, VOL. III, # 19
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CALL A GENERAL STRIKE

From events in Israel it is obvious that the Prime Minister, his cabinet and all their family members have rejected Diogenes’ advice that they should travel by public bus instead of in their government limos. Now Diogenes calls for a general strike in Israel, as well as a call for American contributors to Israel to withhold contributions until the Israeli leadership and their families ride the busses.

Since the Prime Minister and his gang prefer a talcum powder cloud to a mushroom cloud in their response to Arab terrorism, the bus solution is the most humane way of ending one aspect of the terrorism problem.

I note that the Israeli Government is calling for a military response to the latest bus atrocity (8/19/03). Based on previous responses, it will be a powder puff tap which will only encourage the Arabs.

THE MEDITERRANEAN FOUR

Remember The Hollywood 10, the screen writers and directors who were blackballed for being communist sympathizers? Although there was nothing in their writing or directing that could be identified as ‘communist propaganda,’ the fear and the loathing raised by the imperialist dictatorship where their supposed sympathies lay was enough cut them off from public acceptance. So why would anyone base a screenplay on writing that incorporated, both subtly and directly, the messages of the Soviet Union of its day—the Roman Empire, an imperialist, tyrannical nation , if ever there was one?

But that’s just what’s happening. The screenplay for the movie, The Passion is based on the writings of the Mediterranean Four, four itinerant P. R. men who actually injected Roman and other pagan propaganda into their works—like the Hollywood 10 were supposed to have done but didn’t.

Who were the Mediterranean Four? Nobody knows exactly. We do know that they were writers who lived from a half-century to a century after the supposed death of Jesus. They may have been Greek or Roman writers who weren’t able to break into the literary mainstream of those societies. We do know that they never lived in Judea/Palestine, that they weren’t Jews and they never had any contact with Jesus.

Each of them recognized that there were some numbers of people—some were Jews but most were pagans-- around the Mediterranean who were claiming that a messiah or a new god came into being in Palestine. Over the years, followers of this new god paid our four writers to write about the new sect—how it started, what it stood for and why people should join it. The central theme of the new religion involved the death and resurrection of the sect’s god.

Although it was the Romans who killed this god, it was carefully pointed out that they shouldn’t write anything that would antagonize the Romans, who were already punishing sect members for imagined crimes. Blame for the crucifixion could be placed on the Jews without any problem since the Jews, for the most part, were rejecting the new religion.

The four collected the folklore about the sect and its deity and began to spin their tales.
Since the whole story began in Judea, the four found no problem with blaming the Jews and absolving the Romans of the death and resurrection of the sect’s god. As a matter of fact, they thought it would be an easy story to write because it reminded them of other resurrection of god stories that were familiar to them-- like Osiris and Demeter. 

But since the writers didn’t know much about Jewish laws and customs or even Roman law, the writers mixed up who did what and why in Judea. Not to worry, the sect leaders who were footing the bills for the four PR men were not overly concerned with the facts as long as the Romans looked as good as possible and the Jews looked as bad as possible.

While this is more of a movie review than a scholarly treatise, I will list just a few examples that has discredited the writings of the four flaks—all based on the assumption that there was a historical person approximating Jesus.

- the idea that the Jews were angry because Jesus claimed he was the messiah is nonsense. At that time there were hundreds of Jews running around Judea claiming that they were the messiah without igniting anyone’s ire. It is not against Jewish law to claim to be the messiah. Jewish law and custom provide ample yardsticks to measure the validity of such a claim.

- the claim that the Sanhedrin (the Jewish high court) met at night to try Jesus for the above ‘crime’ also is nonsense. It would have been a violation of Jewish law for the Sanhedrin to meet at night—and particularly on the eve of Passover.

- the incredible idea that a Roman governor—especially Pontius Pilate who hated the Jews—would ask a ‘mob of Jews’ what he should do with a man he was trying for a crime flies in the face of the political, social and administrative mores of the time.

- the only crime for which Pontius Pilate could have been trying Jesus was lese majesty—claiming to be king of the Jews—and this was a capital crime under Roman law. It meant nothing under Jewish law, as the claim of being the messiah meant nothing under Roman law. By the way, if it was discovered by other Roman officials that Jesus claimed to be king of the Jews—only the Roman emperor could appoint the king of the Jews-- and Pilate did not have him executed, Pilate himself would be executed. As a Roman citizen, Pilate’s execution would have been by having his head chopped off—crucifixion was reserved for the natives.

- the clever little scene absolving the Roman of any guilt by having Pilate wash his hands and placing the blame of Jesus’ execution on the Jews would have been meaningless to Pilate. This scenario probably came from some Jewish member of the new sect who remembered a little Torah, but not to well. This ceremony was called for when an unidentified body was found between two towns and responsibility had to be taken for allowing this death to occur and for insuring proper burial.

- The ever-popular notion that Jesus drove the money-changers from the Temple promotes the image of Jesus as a social reformer and the Jews’ dedication to money. If Jesus was the rabbi he was reputed to be, he would have known the necessary role the money-changers (who were not in the Temple) performed for the Jewish people who flocked to Jerusalem from all over the Mediterranean world. The Jewish pilgrims had to change their foreign money into shekels, the Judean currency—the service being provided by the money-changers-- in order to make their contributions to the Temple.

If the tale told by the flaks about Jesus overturning the tables of the money-changers was true, they should have included the likelihood that that the Temple police, who were always on the lookout for trouble-makers, picked him up by the scruff of the neck and carried him away from the Temple environs.

The above is just a sampling of why the four flaks have a lack of credibility. This makes you wonder why Mel Gibson, who claims to be so obsessed with ‘the truth’ is so anxious to base his screenplay and movie on the works of authors without any historical credibility. But if it is shock and awe or blood and guts he is after, I suggest a follow-up film on Osiris whose body was really dismembered before his resurrection.

ACROSS MY RADAR SCREEN

A Bob Hope Accolade

Diogenes is only cynical when he has to be. With the millions of words written and spoken about Bob Hope, here are some that may have escaped my readers. When a representative of the Irgun came to the United States in 1943 to raise public awareness of the Holocaust and to generate pressure for Britain to allow European Jews to enter Palestine, Bob Hope offered his services as an entertainer to raise funds. He did this despite the Roosevelt administration’s threats against anyone who helped this Jewish cause. The work of the representative, Peter Bergson and the screenwriter, playwright, newspaperman and novelist, Ben Hecht and show biz people like Bob Hope helped break the news blackout that the U. S. Government and media such as The New York Times placed on the Holocaust and developments in the Holy Land.

A New Policy Of Abandonment

I recall when the policy of the Israel Defense Forces was never to leave a wounded soldier or even the body of a dead soldier in the field without making a superhuman effort to rescue or retrieve that individual. Now, it still may be the official policy although I seem to remember that a wounded Druse member of the IDF was allowed to bleed to death after a battle with the Arabs at Joseph’s tomb.

It is my opinion that the Israeli Government is pursuing the policy of ‘let them die in the field’ by allowing Jonathan Pollard to rot in an American prison. It took the Israeli Government too many years even to admit that he was an Israeli agent. And in the years since they made the admission, their record has been pitiful. Barak requested that Clinton pardon that super-thief Marc Rich, without ever requesting a pardon for Pollard. Sharon and Netanyahu did not try to deal for Pollard’s release. Just leave the soldier who was wounded fighting for you to bleed to death in the field.

The Wrong Place To Pick A Fight

Elwin Ford of Stone Mountain , GA was arguing with his girlfriend at the Dunkin’ Donuts when an emergency medical worker tried unsuccessfully to break up the fight. Ford was charged with assault on the medical worker, breach of peace and refusal to be fingerprinted and photographed. Imagine, starting a fight in a donut shop. He might just as well have started it in police headquarters. (from the police blotter in the Stamford Advocate, Aug. 3, 2003)

HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Gay Public High School To Open In New York City This Fall
About time! There are enough sad high schools in the city already.

Rebels Capture Buchanan, Second-Largest City In Liberia
Now if they would only capture Pat Buchanan, one of the biggest scumbags in America.

Saudi Raid Kills Six Suspected Militants 
Wow! If that’s what they do to militants, imagine what they do to terrorists.

Man Sentenced For Making Obscene Calls
One year for the obscene call; three years for not using the 5-cents-a-minute rate.

Vatican Seeks To Rally Public Opposition To Same-Sex Unions 
Except when it involves priests.

Airlines Covet Access To Baghdad Once Safety Worries Are Allayed
They can use ex-Baath Party members as security guards like we use ex-cons.

Israelis Drive Back Protestors Cutting Into Border Fence
They should just heave them over to the Arab side of the fence.

Justices In Illinois Order Increases In Their Salaries
If it’s as easy as that, I order the Social Security Administration to double my monthly payments.

U.S. Fights Verdict Backing Ex-P.O.W.s
Makes sense. Our compassionate conservative government needs the money to rebuild Iraq. We can’t waste it on American prisoners of war.

Those 16 Words Threaten The Tenure Of The Long-Serving C.I. A. Chief
How come these 5 words—‘the agency screwed up again’—never endangers his position?

Arafat: The Wall Confiscates 58% Of The West Bank
It’s a start. And the words should be ‘returns 58% of Judea and Samaria.’

Bush Refuses To Declassify Saudi Section of Report
It would be dangerous to declassify it, it’s been redacted. Right, just as long as it hasn’t been edited.

Russia Finds No Corner Is Safe From Chechnya’s War
But they don’t want the Israelis who live on the same corner as the Arabs to defend themselves.

Links Of Saudis To Charities Come Under Senate Review
They’re not talking about the United Fund, the Salvation Army or The Make a Wish Foundation.

Playing It Safe On Gays
Is The Times advising the president to wear a condom when he talks about gays?

Lord & Taylor To Shut Stores And Cut Jobs
That’s what happens when Elvie stops shopping.

Palestinians Must Bear Burdens Of Peace, DeLay Tells Israelis
Too bad the Israeli leaders don’t know this.

2 Suicide Bombers Fulfilled Their Fathers’ Worst Fears
Each bomber only killed one Jew.

Privacy No Excuse For Rowland Scheme
Hey, what’s the point of being Governor if you can’t pick up a few bucks on the side?

Boston Archbishop Offers An Olive Branch
That doesn’t look like an olive branch....

Pickup Truck Rear Ends Dixie Chicks’ Bus
Witnesses say the driver looks like a former Texas governor.

Catholic Church Installs New Boston Archbishop
He’s a friendly guy and wants to be called Archbishop Sean. Can you imagine the previous guy asking to be called Cardinal Bernie?

Insurers Say Most Policies Do Not Cover Power Failure
Most policies don’t cover anything that happens.

Are You Happy With The Size of Your Penis? (spam headline)
After my radiation treatments, I’m happy that I still have a penis.

16 Police Take Part In Sick-Out
I wonder if they also didn’t show up for their side jobs?

Woman Gives Birth To 12-Pound Baby
Is she going to blame it on Burger King?

Local Episcopalians Grapple With Gay Issues
I hope they don’t do it in public and, in any case, they should wash their hands afterward.

Mock Attacks Test Security At Indian Point
They take a wait-and-see approach to fake attacks and to real attacks.

Parishioners Mount Protest Against New Priest Over Traditional Latin Mass
They’re angry because the priest really is using pig Latin.

Neighbors See Lesson In Oneida Casino Deal: What Not to Do
Don’t bet all your chips on the red...man.

Report Finds Subway Trains Dirtier, But More Reliable
Reliable? You can be more certain that the cars will be dirty?

Vatican Exhorts Legislators To Reject Same Sex Unions
I guess Osservatore Romano won’t be printing announcements of same sex commitment ceremonies any time soon.

U. S. Eases Demand For Palestinians To Curb Militants
1. Additional evidence there was no “wake up call” on 9/11.
2. Is it still OK for them to curb terrorists?

Bombing At Russian Hospital Kills 35; Officials Blame Chechen Rebels.
For this humanitarian act give the Chechens a state of their own.

Saddam’s Daughters Speak Fondly Of Father
Why not, he got rid of their husbands and got their dowries back.

Ancient Art At Met Raises Old Ethical Questions
Don’t bother museum directors with ethics?

Woman Seeks To Build Sanctuary For Older Dogs
How about some concern for the needs of older people?

Norwalk Man Found Dead In Jail Cell
Led Police On Chase In Late July
The cops finally caught up with him.

Doctors Give Bush A Checkup And A Clean Bill Of Health
The doctors against terrorism disagree.

Woman Held In Hoax Was FBI Informant
Now we know why the FBI’s sources are so reliable.

Vienna’s Grandeur Fails To Mask A Sense Of Loss
Nah, it’s not worth bringing back the Jews.

Fox News Drops Lawsuit Against Humorist Franken
For awhile Fox was funnier than Franken.

Dozens Killed In Bombay Car Bombings
Was it the peaceful Muslims from India or the peaceful Muslims from Pakistan?

QUOTES I LIKE

I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
- Bob Hope

When by a pardon’d murd’rer blood is spilt,
The judge that pardon’d hath the greatest guilt.
- John Denham

Passion and prejudice govern the world; only under the name of reason.
- John Wesley

The loony fringe: that tiny percentage of people who can’t see the brilliance of your argument.
- B. C. (comic strip)

Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
- Paul Dickson

Never try to teach Arafat to act human; it wastes your time and annoys Yasir.
- Emanuel L. Strunin

The results of your test are back. They found some bloodstream in your cholesterol.
- Shoe (comic strip)

President Bush said today that with the struggling economy, the North Korean threat, the chaos in Liberia and the deteriorating situation in Baghdad, the American people must stay focused on what’s really important...the Kobe Bryant trial.
- The Boondocks (comic strip)

READERS’ COMMENTS

I know, but I don’t think that anyone my age or younger will recognize the name
- Carl Hubbell. 

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