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THE DIOGENES REPORT WE ARE PATRIOTS…YOU ARE TRAITORS The Republicans are always in the forefront of self-styling themselves as “patriots” and styling Democrats who disagree with them as “traitors”. Hearing these self-styled “patriots” sound off brings to mind comments on this subject by two insightful gentlemen—one an Englishman and the other an American. Samuel Johnson, when he compiled his dictionary defined a patriot as: the last refuge of a scoundrel. The American newspaperman and short story writer Ambrose Bierce in his Devil’s Dictionary begged to disagree with Dr. Johnson on the definition of patriot. Bierce said that it’s the first. Recent actions by one or more members of the Bush White House support the view of Mr. Bierce. The outing of a CIA agent not only could put her life in danger but the lives of her foreign contacts. This outing could also be considered treason if the goal of the Justice Department is justice. Consider that this is a very nasty piece of business. Publicly identifying a secret intelligence operative has to be the work of a high level official. A minor fuctionary would never have the guts to perform such an outrageous and illegal act out of Republican malice. It must have been initiated and, perhaps, carried out by one of the “patriots” who considers himself above the law. Let’s see if he remains a member of the administration’s “untouchables.”
TIME CONSTRAINTS UEBER ALLES Most of the “expert” guests on the TV news interview shows are empty suits—retired generals, failed diplomats, ex-CIA operatives who couldn’t find their way out of Langley and professors who never advance beyond teaching international relations 101. So when the interviewer cuts them off peremptorily after two minutes, you don’t really mind. Sometimes, I think, that by accident they get a winner and you want the question and answer session to keep going-- but you get the same kind peremptory shut down. This, I find very annoying. After watching this kind of session, I dreamed up the following scenario: Attractive Buxom Blonde Interviewer: We have with us today Mr. Sherlock Smith who provided the coalition forces in Iraq with the information about the whereabouts of Saddam’s sons. I understand that you have just returned from the Afghanistan-Pakistan war zone. Undoubtedly, you have some interesting news to share with our viewers. Grizzled Mountain-Climbing Undercover Agent: Yes, I do Ms Attractive Blonde Interviewer. I just got back to the States this very morning and I’ve got exciting news for your viewers. Earth shattering news! ABBI: Our audience would love to hear your exciting, earth –shattering, fair and balanced report, but first we have to take a short commercial break. ABBI: We’re back and we are going to continue our interview with Mr. Sherlock Smith who just returned this very morning from the Afghanistan-Pakistan border region where he learned some very exciting, fair and balanced news. What did you learn in that far-off place Mr. Smith? GM-CUA: I covered those mountain caves and valleys for a month and I know where Usama bin Ladin and his closest al Qaeda associates are hiding! ABBI: I’m sorry Mr. Smith, but our time is up. We enjoyed sharing in your exciting adventure and we hope to have you back again in the very near future. GM-CUA: But, but, but…. ABBI: Now for the latest on the Kobe Bryant case.
ACROSS MY RADAR SCREEN You may not fit through the pearly gates Because Americans are getting fatter and fatter, undertakers have discovered that one size coffin no longer fits all. I have come up with a way of showing Americans what their embarrassing final journey in an super-sized coffin will look like if they don’t change their eating habits. The FDA should mandate that every fast food eatery should have color photos of coffins of various sizes related to the menu choices. For example, a photo of a standard-size coffin next to the photo of a fishwitch; a photo of a larger coffin next to the photo of a quarter-pounder; a photo of a giant-sizes coffin next to the photo of a big Mac and fries. This might change the eating habits of some Americans who want to make sure that they can slide easily through the pearly gates. Stop recruiting Muslims The new Egyptian Mufti, that nation’s top cleric, has stated that it is forbidden for a Muslim in the U.S. military to fight his brother. As a matter of record we have seen American Muslims not refusing to fight their brothers but actively killing their buddies (Iraq) and working to undermine the U.S. (Guantanamo). There also has been a case where a Muslim FBI agent refused to conduct a secret investigation against Muslims suspected of belonging to a terrorist organization.My previous issue notes that these people are a clear and present danger. Lucky he didn’t go before the same court as Pollard The news item from Cairo said, Egypt releases Sadat assassination plotter after 22 years in jail. Karam Zhody was the leader of the militant group responsible for the assassination of President Sadat in 1981, He was serving a life sentence. Of course, murdering a nation’s president was not as terrible as upsetting an Arab-loving, Secretary of Defense who was still angry that his grandfather was a Jew. The Secretary was upset that Pollard’s spying revealed his relationship with Saddam Hussein. This is the same person who gave orders that American marines in Beirut could not carry arms because it might antagonize his Arab friends—so 240 marines died. It is this man, Casper Weinberger who bears the greatest responsibility for Pollard still rotting in jail. By the way, should Weinberger’s tremendous lack of judgment in international affairs be considered an act of treason. A giant step forward for the 4th world How proud the starving, disease-ridden, civil-war-ravaged Nigerians must be about the news that a Russian rocket blasted a Nigerian satellite into orbit, propelling one of the poorest nations on earth into space for the first time. One Afro-shmuck, Prosper Sunday said, “It makes me proud to be a Nigerian.” At least he prospers one day a week—most Nigerians don’t even do that. I hate to disagree with a newspaper story, but Nigeria s not one of the poorest nations. It is one of the wealthiest, being a leading oil exporter. However, you won’t know this by looking at the extreme poverty of its large population. You have to look at the dwellings of its leaders and examine their Swiss bank accounts to understand the real situation in Nigeria. Keep looking for that well-known face Sometimes every week, but when we’re lucky it’s every couple of weeks, the faces of Israelis—young and old, men and women, civilians and soldiers—look up at us from the pages of Jewish newspapers. They are the latest victims of the Arab barbarians. Instead of seeing another face of an infant or a physician or a yeshiva student, I keep looking for the face of the Prime Minister in the hope that a new Israeli leader will teach the barbarians a lesson about the futility of killing Jews. It’s a dim hope, but it’s still a hope. What parish were you from? Catholics used to be able to identify each other by asking what parish they were from. The answer told, in a general way, if the individual was Irish or Polish or Italian and even if the individual was Catholic. In a recent TV interview with an American with an Irish name who had served as an Arabic translator at Guantanamo indicated that our current antiterrorist people aren’t even that inquisitive when hiring Muslims to serve as interpretors. Just by asking which mosque they belong to would provide an indication whether the individual leaned toward fundamentalism--the main breeding ground of Islamic terrorists and their supporters. The interviewee pointed out that this question is not asked because it is politically correct. What happened to the 9/11 wake-up call? The apprehension of Muslim interpretors and a cleric at Guantanamo who are playing footsie with the prisoners and Arab countries is just another sign that political correctness won’t work when dealing with aggressive Islam.
HEADLINES AND COMMENTS Five-Person Counterterrorism Team Keeps Watch Over City’s Public Schools As the Governor Of A Wealthy State, Saved From Stoning Malaysian Lender In Talks To Sell Bad Loans To GE Capital Insurer Seeks Return Of Fees For Therapy Palestinian Appears To Gain In Effort To Form A Cabinet Edward W. Said, Polymath Scholar, Dies At 67 Dodd Aims To Strengthen Laws Governing Funeral Industry Pope Chooses 31 New Cardinals FBI Detains Arab-American Activist Senate Panel Backs Bill To Give Tax Windfall To U.S. Companies China’s Leader Calls For ‘Democratic’ Changes Another Firm Under Inquiry Fires Workers U.S. Must Counteract Image In Muslim World, Panel Says Hamas Gets Help From U.S. Crime Tribes Take Active Role In California Politics NOT A HEADLINE BUT WORTHY OF COMMENT It is time for Israel to use its overwhelming strength to take some initiative.
QUOTES I LIKE The State Department has made the world safe for cocktail parties. In the South the past isn’t dead. It isn’t even the past. I’ve been married three months and I didn’t know my husband drank
until one night he came home sober. Long-term investment are usually short-term investments which have gone wrong. The cry of equality pulls everyone down. What does your wife want for her birthday? Friend: You know, Oregon is the only state where assisted suicide is legal. The public has an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing. Prostitutes believe in marriage. It provides them with most of their trade. It does not matter how badly you paint so long as you don’t paint badly like other people. Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and pastures blue ought to be sterilized. The best way to repent for a wrong is by not repeating it Think ye that building shall endure What did the dentist say?
READERS’ COMMENTS I disagree with your idea that wind power can develop enough power for factories to produce products. Also we import less than 6% oil from the Saudis. We should develop the oil in Alaska. I do not think Denmark has many factories. Sun panels can warm your bath water. I never heard that Carter had them, I did not see them on my visit. Nothing wrong cleaning up the forests to reduce or prevent fires. Cut down trees, plant ten more. We can use the jobs that were lost when the environuts had their way. Time to stop them and get this country going. Diogenes’ Response: You may not have noticed, but the wind turbines are spinning madly in many parts of this country. Last year, wind power generated more than 3.5 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity—in some places at the highly competitive cost of Ľ cent per kWh—and the same electricity that serves a home or a neighborhood can power a factory. Studies have shown that good wind areas in the contiguous United States have the potential to supply more than one-and-a-half times the current energy consumption in this country. In North Dakota alone, wind power has the potential to fill 30% of our electric needs. These statistics are from the National Wind Technology Center, a government/industry organization. You forgot to look up at the roof when you visited the White House, otherwise you would have seen the sun panels. I always thought the ”envronuts” were the people destroying the environment.
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