THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
January 2004, VOL. IV, # 4
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“ONE MAN ONE VOTE”?

I have mentioned this issue in passing, but let’s take a closer look at it. Not that long ago, the American Government was jumping all over South Africa because they did not have a “one man, one vote” electoral system. Not that “one man, one vote” fits the needs of every nation at all times, but it makes a great politically correct rallying cry. 

Although, the U.S. helped force this electoral system on South Africa, in Iraq it seems to have lost its allure for the Americans. The chief cleric for the Shi’ites is demanding that the new Iraqi Government be based on “one man, one vote.” He doesn’t use that phrase but he does want a popular election to determine the makeup of the government.

Shi’ites are the majority

Since the Shi’ites are 60 per cent of Iraq’s population, the government will be controlled by that Islamic sect if there is a popular election. The American military government is coming up with all kinds of excuses why it’s too soon to hold a popular election. Why should we be concerned if a Shi’ite Government runs Iraq? After all, the Sunnis, for the most part, were supporters of Saddam so we shouldn’t be shedding tears for them. As far as the Kurds are concerned, they will be in control of an autonomous region of the country. 

So why are we so perturbed about the Shi’ites that we are willing to abandon our dearly held “one man, one vote” principle? I have a theory that might be labeled a “conspiracy theory.” But when you spy a group of well-known conspirators gathered round, you have good cause to come up with a “conspiracy theory.” The conspirators are those hard line Islamic fundamentalists—the Saudi Sunnis—and Dick Cheney and Colin Powell, who in the first Gulf War agreed not to overthrow Saddam Hussein, the Sunni. The missing member of the original conspiracy is President Bush I. Apparently, Bush II has smoothly replaced his dad in the current arrangement.

The Arab street: code words for the Saudi royal family

Saudi influence kept the U.S. from overthrowing Saddam the first time so we had to go back a second time at a huge cost in men and money. Again, the influence of the Saudis on American foreign policy is manifesting itself by denying the Shi’ites their rightful place in Iraq. Despite his invasion of Kuwait and threats against their own country, the Saudis were willing for Saddam to remain in power. There is an Islamic saying: “tyranny is better than anarchy,” and according to Saudi beliefs, Shia is even worse than anarchy.
There is a lot of ignorant talk going around in political, academic, media and other anti-Jewish, anti-Israel circles that Jews and Israel influence American policy in the Middle East when the truth is that by far the most powerful influence on U.S. Middle Eastern policy is Saudi Arabia and its American partners. As noted, its major partners are oil company officials, defense company officials, construction company officials, academics who have been co-opted by Saudi money, some of the Pentagon brass and State Department officials.

They never tell how much they love the Arabs

It could be considered amusing, if it wasn’t so serious, how our political leaders—particularly presidential candidates march around telling everyone how much they love Israel. And the Jews believe them. Not one ever announces how much he loves Saudi Arabia or the other Arabs. But after being elected, the best that can be expected from the lover of Israel is that he does not allow the Jewish State to be wiped out. But it’s OK to let Israel take a hell of a beating.

Saudi Arabia is protected all the way by the White House. The fact that the Saudis underwrite terrorism against America and its friends never elicits more than a pat on the hand. The fact that the Saudis finance fundamentalist schools and mosques around the world which are the breeding grounds of terrorism is ignored. Our politicians never broadcast how much they love the Saudis and the rest of the Arabs but their policies speak volumes about their love for the sponsors of terrorism.

Actions belie words

If you doubt me, please explain why the U.S. is arming Egypt to the teeth. Against what enemy? Why did the administration send the U.S.S. Cole to Yemen—that hotbed of Islamic terror—to be refueled. That act was not perpetrated by Gen. Zinni-- as he claimed—it came right out of the State Department. This record goes on and on from the refusal to overthrow Saddam during the first Gulf War to the reluctance on the one man, one vote issue in today’s Iraq. Saudi influence can even be detected in the Balkans by our defense of the Bosnian Muslims and that terrorist gang, the Kosovo Liberation Army.

Also, the Arab members and supporters of Hizbullah, Hamas. al Aksa Martyr’s Brigade and assorted other terrorist groups cannot be deported from Israel. All are examples of full-fledged support of the Arabs and half-assed support of Israel and America.

America’s benign policies toward some of the most dangerous Islamic countries bodes ill for a peaceful future for the American people.



PALESTINIAN ARAB PARENTING SKILLS

Abdul and Mohammed are discussing their children in a cafe in
downtown Jenin. Abdul pulls out his wallet and shows Mohammed pictures of his
children.

"This is my oldest son. He is a martyr."

"And this is my second son. He is also a martyr."

"Ah," sighs Abdul, "they blow up so fast."


NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.

This one sort-of fits: Colin Clipstone is the director of blade and razor technology at Gillette.

This name is like a fish out of water: Sheema Hamdani Karp is a letter writer to The New York Times who complained about the review of a children’s book for Muslim kids.

This funny name story ran in Liz Smith’s column: At one point in the Enola Gay’s trek into history as a controversial artifact, a story written about the plane came back edited for political correctness. The editor had changed its name to “Enola Homosexual.” According to Smith, it took a few calls to convince this rigid pencil pusher that Enola Gay was the maiden name of pilot Paul Tibbets’ mother and had nothing to do with sexual orientation. Funny, but sad that Americans know so little history. 

Here is a perfect fit: the piccolo player for the Boston Symphony is Linda Toote.



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes. 

Official: Israel Had Secret Talks With Syria
What means “secret” talks?

Canadians Irked By Mad-Cow Finger Pointing
That’s udderly ridiculous.

Stabbing Shows Religious-Medical Tension
She wouldn’t take a blood transfusion so she died. Can her family sue Jehovah’s Witnesses for medical malpractice? Or theological malpractice?

Iraqis Grow Impatient With Handover Plans
They didn’t seem to grow impatient with Saddam’s rule for 35 years.

Killer’s Lawyers Seek To Raise Standard Of Proof For Death Penalty
They want to change the standard from “beyond a reasonable doubt” to “beyond any doubt.” Suppose this change is made only for proof that the victim is dead.

Chaney Feels Heat But Won’t Step Down
That’s Don Chaney of the Knicks; how about Dick Cheney of the Dicks?

Ohio Cleric Arrested; Terror Link Is Cited
Surprise! That’s like discovering that that mutual fund companies and the big brokerage houses have been ripping off the small investor.

Bush Plans $1.5 Billion Drive For Promotion Of Marriage
Can some of this money be used to pay for hookers to save marriages that are on the rocks?

The President’s Bold New Plan: People To Live On The Moon (radio news)
1. He found something to do with the unemployed.
2. He’s thinking of sending the Guantanamo prisoners there, but which direction is Mecca?

NASA Creating Office For Missions To The Moon And Beyond
Is this part of the President’s Faith-Based Initiative?

Rikers Houses Low-Level Inmates At High Expense
Everyone knows that the cost of living is high in New York City.

Police Say City Man Stole For Painkillers: Prescription Pads Taken From Doctor
Back-off all you knee-jerk liberals, it wasn’t Rush Limbaugh.

Pataki Budget Reducing Aid To The Disabled
Suppose someone kneecapped him and he had to apply for a handicapped parking space, do you think he would put the money back in the budget?

Israeli Foreign Minister Visits College Of Judea And Samaria
Couldn’t he have sent an ambassador?

President Wants Amendment To Preserve Marriage
Great idea! Anyone who plans to get divorced should be put in front of a firing squad.


QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them. 

Mexico’s main export is Mexicans.
- Diogenes

A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by a common hatred of its neighbors.
- Dean Inge

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings.
- Ed Gardner

A prognosticator has to determine the facts and then explain how a situation will develop after assimilating the information. A procrastinator doesn’t ever have to do anything if he’s a good one.
- Willy (Willy ‘N Ethel comic strip)

If despotism failed only for want of a capable benevolent despot, what chance has democracy, which requires a whole population of capable voters.
- George Bernard Shaw

The Road Map: a document written in Saudi Arabia and published and marketed by the Bush Administration in Washington, DC.
- Diogenes

This man takes the plans of Peace Now and turns them into America's anti-Israel policy. I would prefer that he (USA Ambassador Kurtzer) wasn't here and in his place they would appoint an Evangelist Christian who loves us much more.
- Official in Prime Minister Sharon's Office

A: Sez here, “Fred and Stanley Wong claimed they flew the first airplane.” However, it has been established that their craft never actually became airborne.
B: Proving what?
A: Two Wongs don’t make a Wright.
- B. C. (comic strip)

We used to have an immigration policy in this country. During World War II a boat of 900 Jews tried to get into this country and we turned them away. Now no one’s turned away. We used to get lawyers and professors coming here, fleeing intolerance. We got German rocket scientists, the creme de la creme. Now we get guys who aren’t fit to be janitors. When my grandparents came here, this was a huge, underpopulated country. Now it’s filled up. But people still come and it’s the fault of the damn French. They gave us that stupid Statue of Liberty to trick us. Some gift. Look what it’s been attracting.
- Howard Stern


The following are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. I selected colloquies between lawyers and doctors. In truth, this maybe an “urban myth,” but I like it.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
A: No. 
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? 
A: No. 
Q: Did you check for breathing? 
A: No. 
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
A: No. 
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? 
A: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an autopsy. 

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