THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
January 2004, VOL. IV, # 5
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YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SANE

No, you do not have to be sane to be prime minister of Israel. While a case can be made for most of them, I will deal just with the last five--Sharon, Netanyahu, Barak, Peres and Rabin. Of course, their problem may be heredity. The progeny of their Uncle Sam—George W., Bill, George H.W., Ronnie, Jimmy and going all the way back to Franklin didn’t have all their marbles either when it came to dealing with the Arabs. The genetic make-up of Uncle Sam’s offspring has directly influenced the behavior of the PMs.

To cover all of the examples of the insane behavior of the prime ministers would require a whole library of CDs, so I will mention one illustration of irrational behavior for each.
For Rabin we need only bring up the name Oslo. Peres is a difficult case—since everything he says is irrational. Netanyahu and the tunnel (even though its hard to eliminate the Wye Plantation meetings.) Barak is easy—giving away the store or the state.)

What brought this issue to the fore was the certifiable behavior of the current prime minister. He just approved the return of 400 Arab terrorists to the streets of Israel. Based on previous experience with prisoner exchanges, they will quickly return to their murderous ways. What did Israel get in return—a crooked businessman and the bodies of three soldiers. Bringing back the bodies of the three soldiers is an important military/religious duty but not in exchange for endangering the lives of many more Jews. Sharon’s concern about the bodies of the three soldiers defies my understanding when he allowed a Druse soldier to bleed to death near Joseph’s tomb instead of trying to rescue him.

Don’t think that this prisoner exchange is a high watermark of Sharon’s insanity. We can expect him to slip deeper and deeper into irrationality.

Here is a quote from a late breaking story that confirms my evaluation of Israel’s overweight, superannuated, crooked prime minister: “Sharon’s notion to destroy 17 Jewish communities in the Gaza Strip is an act of insanity and devoid of morality.,” states the Yesha Rabbis Council. Yesha covers the Jewish communities in Judea, Samaria and the Gaza Strip peopled by the pioneers who are committed to reclaiming the Jewish homeland.



A LETTER TO LIEBERMAN

A Reader of The Diogenes Report sent this letter to Joe Lieberman. I think that he hit the nail (and Joe) right on the head.

Dear Senator Lieberman,

I was a neighbor of yours in Stamford and knew your family well. Now that you have dropped out of the presidential race, I would like to tell you why I, as a Jew, never supported your candidacy. And if you lose your own people, who will be for you?
Some of your trouble with me is my fear of any Jew in a powerful position and the compromises he would have to make in order not to be seen as favoring Israel, a country which, as you well know, lives a precarious existence. It is much easier for a George Bush to support Sharon than it would ever be for you. And to prove this point, look at your website. When I had to choose a topic under which to send this letter, I was offered both “Middle East Affairs” and “Iraq,” but where is “Israel” in your list of important topics? You are willing to campaign as a religious Jew (your religion on your sleeve is even more of an embarrassment than George Bush’s), but you hide any loyalty to Israel. How dangerous you as President would have been to that besieged country!
Another proof of the choices you have made was after the Wye Accords when you took it upon yourself to author, to be the front man for, a letter to Clinton for the Senate to sign. Clinton had promised Israel some clemency for Pollard, and you went out of your way to tell Clinton to renege on that promise. There is no disputing that Pollard was a spy, but he gave secrets to an ally and has been punished more severely than people such as the Walkers who were trading vital secrets to the Soviet Union. The only spies in my memory who were ever executed were the Rosenbergs, Jews as well, and the government’s breach of Pollard’s plea bargain was almost as extreme. Where is our Emile Zola who was able to shame the French government over the Dreyfus case? No, we had you, a Jew proving himself loyal to the society at large, joining the persecutors and inquisitors: you were disloyal to your own.
You were named after Biblical Joseph who is the model for all time of the danger of allowing Jews to acquire power in the Diaspora. He helped Pharaoh enslave Egypt and can be seen as directly responsible for the ensuing enslavement of the Hebrews. He also considered himself one of the religious righteous. To quote Hillel, “If you are not for yourself (or your own people), who will be for you?



THE POLITICAL CAMPAIGN

Can we expect a Presidential election campaign between liberal war heroes and conservative draft dodgers?



IT’S ALWAYS WHO YOU KNOW

According to the news reports, George W. Bush’s brother Neil stands to make millions from businesses in which he has little expertise—including a computer chip company managed in part by the son of former Chinese president Jiang Zemin. The Chinese probably brought Neil into the business because they liked how he looked. Diogenes makes a funny.

Didn’t George W. get a baseball team on the same basis—his benefactors liked his looks. And, oh yes, I believe that George W. and Neil’s dad, George Herbert Walker Bush, got his start in the Texas oil business the very same way.



OVER THE FALLS

On March 9 I’m scheduled for a cataract operation. I won’t be going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. If you need an explanation of this go to your dictionary or contact Diogenes.



NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.

I’d say that this one fits. From the police blotter in Stamford, CT: Thor Osuch was charged with breech of peace, interfering with police, and refusal to have a mug shot taken and be fingerprinted. The cops should know better than to mess with Thor.

From a NY Times article about Colorado come two names that don’t fit each other. Aleaza Goldberg is shown pushing her daughter Noa Pigg on a swing.



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes. 

U.S. Success: India Ditches Israeli Arrow
For leaning on India will Pakistan now turn bin Ladin over to us? 

Bush On Campaignlike Swing Promotes Job Training
1. Has he thought about promoting jobs?
2. Is he planning to open call centers in the U.S. for people in India who need help with 
their computers?

UTC Chairman Dreams Of Hartford To NYC Travel In One Hour
Has he dreamt about the people who don’t want to get back to Hartford in less than three days?

Dean’s Iowa Speech Lives Despite Candidate’s Efforts To Move On
I, for one, think it was the right kind of speech to motivate his supporters.

PM Sharon: Business As Usual
In the face of a bribery controversy, Sharon say he has no intention of resigning. He plans to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Gov. Rowland f Connecticut.

Brigham Young University In Cooperation With Damascus University
Is BYU planning to convert dead Syrians to Mormonism? Does Assad know?

With Fanfare And A Grand Parade, Paris Celebrates France’s Ties To China
Did the Chinese send a gunboat up the Seine for old times’ sake?

A Concerned Bloc Of Republicans Wonders Whether Bush Is Conservative Enough
I didn’t know that the Saudi royal family are Republicans.

Lost Cat Is A Mystery To Animal Control Officers
They say the cat has a chip on its shoulder. Diogenes says lots of dem cats has chips on dere shoulders.

Airline Gave Government Information On Passengers 
Harry Smith sneaked a bottle of bourbon on the plane. Thomas Jones pinched the behind of the flight attendant every time she passed. Henry Jackson pinched the behind of the flight attendant every time he passed. Oliver Cohen grabbed an extra bag of pretzels off the cart.

Palestinians Walled In By Barrier
Since they are responsible for the barrier, why don’t they strap on their bomber vests and try to knock the barrier down?

Long-dead Corpse Died Of Natural Causes
Our postal workers are getting smarter, they spotted this problem after only three months of uncollected mail.

How To Spend Wisely In Afghanistan
Just throw the beggars a handful of change—and that’s overspending.

Attacking Democracy From The Bench
This article is about fundamentalist Islamic judges in Afghanistan. I thought it was going to be about the U.S. Supreme Court.

Pakistan Said To Investigate Nuclear Scientist’s Real Estate Holdings
He is a very modest real estate owner—some land in Nevada (the strip in Vegas); some land in the South (all the waterfront property from Miami to Palm Beach); and a couple of parcels on an island (10 blocks in midtown Manhattan).

AMTRAK: The Easiest Way To 500 Cities (radio commercial)
AMTRAK: the surest way to hospitals in 500 cities.

Israeli Colonel: West Bank Barrier Needed For Security
Amazing! Jews still have to make excuses for protecting themselves against murderers.

Bush Brother’s Divorce Is An Eye-Opener
It’s just Republican family values. I don’t know if there were wine and song, but there were lots and lots of women.

Priest Denies Sexually Abusing Two Brothers In Late 1970s At Conn. School
All lies! It was only one brother. It was the early ‘80s and in wasn’t in Conn.

‘Six Fingers’ Jury Selection To Begin
He should pray the jury doesn’t give him the finger. He has more fingers than he needs. 

Seminarian Charged With Molesting Teenage Girl
Is that seminarian or semenarian?

Z.O.A. Protests Columbia’s Hiring Of Anti-Israel Extremist
Shades of Nicholas Murray Butler.

King And Queen Of Spain Today Toured The Israeli Pavilion
How nice. Ferdinand and Isabella?

Georgia Takes On Evolution
You can’t fool them Crackers. Just look at those folks and you’ll know there’s no such thing as evolution.

Medicare Considers Curbs On Payment For Cancer Drugs
Medicare ain’t a person, so let’s inject the persons making the decision with some cancer-causing agents and follow their subsequent decisions.

Mass. Court Rules Gay Couples Entitled To Marriage
To each other?



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

What’s with Jerry Lewis being a genius in France? He’s considered an asshole here.
- Howard Stern

Willy: How is it everyone but me can find a job?
Ethel: Because they read the want ads, make calls, go on interviews and show up for work when they’re hired!
Willy: so then it’s not a level playing field.
- Willy ‘N Ethel (comic strip)

Where there’s a will there’s a lawsuit.
- Anonymous

Peace: a mythical condition of tranquility frequently reported from the Philippines.
- The Foolish Dictionary (1904)

Peace: a mythical condition of tranquility frequently reported from Iraq and Afghanistan.
- Diogenes (2004)

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.
- Anonymous

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
- Mark Twain

Jews: The most essential instrument for civilizing the nations.
- John Quincy Adams

According to the Western media, armed Arabs killed by the Israelis are only militants or innocent bystanders but armed Arabs killed by the Saudis are terrorists. Please explain.
- Diogenes



FROM A LOYAL DIOGENES REPORT READER 
2003's Best and Actual Newspaper Headlines 
Be careful how you put words together . . . .
Here's how the news editors did it . . . .
Is there no hope for the future?

CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER 
SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS 
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS 
IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS 
IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS? 
PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE 
PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER 
TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS 
WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE 
IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE 
COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES 
COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE 
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES 
TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD 
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT 
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS 
LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF 

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