THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation
of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
March 2004, VOL. IV, # 9
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THE WALLS
I find it provocative to see how much of the world is upset by walls erected by the Jews. This is in contrast to the way the world views walls erected by other nations. For example, nobody gives a tinker’s dam about those “other” walls such as the one separating Catholics from Protestants in Northern Ireland or the wall that the Indians are building to separate their nation from Bangladesh. This is the case with the overwhelming number of walls around the world—including the “Great Wall” which the Chinese built to keep marauders away from their people.

One wall that did attract world attention was the Berlin Wall. That was because it was not meant to limit violence but to prevent Germans from escaping political tyranny. Just like walls along the Rio Grande to keep Mexicans from escaping economic tyranny.

But, to get back to Jewish walls and the passions they engender. Let’s start with an early Jewish wall known simply as the Western Wall because it was built to protect the western side of the Har ha-Bayit, the Temple Mount on which the Jewish holy temples stood. After the second temple was destroyed by the Romans and, after centuries later when the Muslims built two mosques on Har ha-Bayit, the western wall remained as the only physical evidence of the mountain’s one-time glory.

A wall for prayer

During the centuries when the Jews around the world were buffeted (a euphemism) by their Christian and Muslim neighbors, this symbol of former glory and spirituality became known as the “wailing wall,” a place where Jews would pour out their hearts in prayer to God—a sacred place where they felt closer to God.

Under Christian/Crusader rule, as well as under Muslim/Arab rule, this sacred place of prayer was denied to Jews. Perhaps, there was an unspoken fear among the tormentors of the Jews that this wall might protect the descendants of the people who built it.

When the “wailing wall’ along with the rest of Jerusalem was liberated from the Jordanian Arabs, who had desecrated every Jewish holy site they found in the city, the wall again assumed its functional name as the western wall of the Har ha-Bayit. In Israel and to Jews around the world it is simply known as the “Kotel”, an open-air synagogue where hundreds of thousands of Jews go to pray each year.

Distorting history

It is interesting to note that the same folks who denied Jews access to their holy site are busy spreading lies by claiming there is no Jewish connection to the Temple Mount. The Arabs, who are experts in lying about present events, have extended their talent into the past. They have renamed the Har ha-Bayit, Har ha-Sharif, the Noble Sanctuary in honor of the two mosques they built on the mountain some 700 years after the Jewish Temple was destroyed. They further claim that no Jewish Temple ever stood on the site.
The Muslims have a long record of putting their religious facilities where synagogues and churches stood. They did it in India. They did in Constantinople/Istanbul. They did it in Jerusalem.
Unfortunately, it is not only the Muslims who are distorting history, but Western media that go along with what is “politically correct” in the Islamic world. A current “news story” from the Associated Press refers to the Temple Mount as “the Old City’s elevated mosque compound, which overlooks the Western Wall, Judaism’s holiest shrine.” The by-line of the article bears the name of a mongrelized Arab. 

Protection, yes; political statement, no

Before I discuss the new wall—know that I am against it! This wall creates an assumption among the Arabs and their many temporary friends that some part of the Land of Israel belongs to the Arabs. None of it—not one square inch—belongs to them. The Arabs were among the many nations that conquered and trampled the holy land and made it uninhabitable. After the Jews returned to this land—to which they have the oldest recorded deed in history—and made it habitable once again, the forebears of the so-called Palestinian Arabs came and squatted on the land.

That is why I oppose the new wall—for the symbolic message it sends about ownership. Since the Israeli Government refuses to employ the more effective method of keeping terrorists away—by shooting every Arab who approaches a Jewish population center—the wall has become a necessary evil.

Now, to the wall itself. Why all the international hoopla? There are dozens of walls around the world separating potential attackers from victims, even walls that keep out unwanted immigrants and nobody, but nobody complains, much less brings the issue before an International Court of Justice. Some of these “other wall” builders are among the complainers about the Israeli wall, as are U. S. officials who live in gated, walled communities with 14.7 guard service. Of course the “other walls” were not built by Jews. So it must be Jew wall that make the Israeli wall such a problem.

Naturally, there are some Jews who are opposed to the new wall. Likely, they are Jews who are more concerned about the sensitivities of the Arabs than about protecting Jewish lives. They probably don’t ride busses in Jerusalem and don’t like the Kotel and its synagogue, but would like the return of the wailing wall.

NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.

As my readers know, I am intrigued by some people names. Now I am adding another category of names that I have always found interesting but never recorded—names of businesses. This idea came to me as I was walking along the Pacific Coast Highway in Corona del Mar (for the most part it’s not a highway, it’s a divided avenue, but you know how those Californians exaggerate). It was the name of a hairdresser/barbershop that attracted my attention. These are establishments that often have clever yet appropriate names. Now, as they come to my attention, I’ll share these names with my readers.

The name of the hairdresser is Great Lengths. A little further down the coast in Laguna Beach was a women’s dress shop named Tight Assets. Back home in Darien, CT is a bagel store named Upper Crust.

THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME, DON’T THEY?

A Hasidic man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening.

Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it. When finished, the Hasid jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath runs through a door comes back, jumps back into bed with the hooker and repeats the performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Hasid jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath runs through a door comes back, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore she decides to try it herself.

So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window, takes a deep breath runs through the door and finds the other nine members of the 'Minyan


HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

SEC May Hire 106 For Hedge Fund Inspections
Now we know how Bush is going to create jobs. The Administration is going to hire inspectors for the SEC, FDA, EPA and all the other agencies to make believe they’re keeping their eyes on the bad guys.

Two With Ties To Governor Recommended For Judge Posts
Surprise! The questionable lawyers in the legislature are approving other questionable lawyers for judgeships.

Cable Operators Proposing Longer Franchising Options
Has the pace of ripping off their subscribers slowed down?

Government Funding Cuts For Closed-Captioning Angers Advocates For The Deaf
Another case of “fuck the deaf”, they don’t vote for us anyway?

Visitor Crush Forces Met To Close Egyptian Tombs
I’m glad they didn’t follow the old Egyptian custom of entombing everyone who where the burial site was,

New System Begins Rerouting U.S. Aid For Poor Countries
The money goes first to the numbered Swiss accounts of leaders of the poor countries.

Silence In Albany Over Same-Sex Marriage
They don’t talk about it when children are present?

Church Must Pay $142K For Dog Bite, Jury Finds
And I complain when I have to shell out $2 to bite into a dog.

“Racist” Fliers Turn Out To Be Deli Ads
They thought it was racist because they were featuring pastrami on a buttered roll.

Charges Dropped Against Yonkers Man In Airport Ferret Death
The FBI said it was OK because the ferret was an al Qaeda agent trying to sneak a bomb on the plane.

C.I.A. Chief: Islamic Extremists Still Pose Threat
It makes you feel safe when such an astute spook is running the agency.

Concern Grows Over Youths Doing Their Own Piercings
Maybe they should hire Mel Gibson to do their piercings.

‘They Can Test Me Every Day’
What Bobby Bonds Means is that they can test intelligence or batting skills every day just as long as they don’t test his urine.

Life At Nursing Home Returns To Normal After Fatal Fire
Was it a religious resurrection or another wonder of modern medicine?

Lawmakers Propose State Inspector To Fight Corruption
In this state, who is going to keep an eye on the inspector?

President Tells Coast Guard To Turn Back Haitians
I guess a sea chart is no better than a Road Map.

Israeli Troops Raid Ramallah Banks, Seize Funds
Long overdue, but why is the Israeli Government still giving money to the PA?

Greenspan Suggests Retirement Benefit Cuts
I agree as long as all of his assets are confiscated and he has to live on his proposed Social Security benefits.

Kerry Proposes Idea To Stem Job Losses
His “idea” is to give the workers three months of warning that they will lose their jobs.
That means three extra months of worry for the workers without doing anything to save their jobs. If he considers this a helpful idea, he is a putz.

Washington Sources Say The President Should Step Down (TV news)
No! No! Not Aristede! Bush!!

Sale Of Body Parts At UCLA Attached
Wow, in my day you could get a “ringer” to take a test for you. Now they have access to a brain transplant.

Job Growth Falls Short Of Forecast
Not in India.

Coming To A Pocket Near You: New Nickels
One of these nickels commemorates the Lewis and Clark Expedition and the Louisiana Purchase. Is it OK to think of the Purchase as buying stolen goods from a fence? France stole the land from the Indians and fenced the land to the U.S. In most cases we cut out the middleman.

Star Soprano Dropped From Royal Opera Production Because Of Her Size
I’ll bet Tony Soprano will have something to say about that.

Rowland Lawyers Look To Set Standards For Impeachment
Typical lawyers, they want to set standards when their client had no standards.

Tiger Man Jailed For Court Tardiness
It wasn’t his fault. His tiger stopped for breakfast at a Burger King. You know how long it takes to eat two counter people and a customer!

College President Accused Of Plagiarism, Faces Sanctions
You mean he might not be able to play in the NCAA Final Four?


QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

So many Hamans, just one Purim.
- Jewish saying

The keyboard is mightier than the sword and the pen.
- Roy Strunin

Trees do not talk but have a great deal to say, whereas many people (especially candidates for political office) talk a great deal and have nothing to say.

One of the most amazing things a tree tells by it nature is about survival. Even if a terrible storm or a vicious beast will tear apart a fruit tree and smash it utterly, as long as one twig remains, we can plant it on its own or graft it onto another far less fruitful tree. This cutting will flourish as a tree bearing beautiful fruit, fruit of the same flavor the original tree had.
- Shlomo Yaffe

Helena Rubinstein’s husband was an intellectual and a publisher who collected people—a who’s who of 1920’s intelligentsia—and she collected things: houses, apartments, jewelry, art, clothes. Years later She said: “How was I to know all those writers were worth a sou? I never had a moment to read their books. To me they were meshuga—and I always had to pay for their meals!”
- Helena Rubinstein

Teacher: Johnny, you only got half the answers right on your test!
Johnny: No problem, teech!
Teacher: How can you say that?
Johnny: I’m going to be a meteorologist.
- B. C, (comic strip)

Pedophile priests should not be required to turn their collars around, just their pants.
- Diogenes

He who gives much does not give but sells.
- Baltasar Gracian

Sure George W. Bush went into action on 9/11, but what the hell was he doing on 9/10, 9/9, 9/8 and the two prior years—same as Clinton, nothing. And what was he thinking on 9/12 when he let all the members of Usama’s family sneak out of the U.S. when they could have been used as leverage against the big guy?
- Diogenes

A: Did you hear about the mortician who went ballistic when his battery died in the middle of a funeral procession?
B: No. What happened?
A: They arrested him for beating a dead hearse.
- B. C. (comic strip)

Tyranny is always better organized than freedom.
- Charles Peguy

Patient: I seem to be losing my reputation as “The King of Sarcasm.”
Dr. Peter, Head Shrinker: You need to work out more. Starting tomorrow, I want you to do at least fifty put-downs a day.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
- Kin Hubbard


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