THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation
of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
March 2004, VOL. IV, # 10
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THE PASSION OF...OSIRIS

They believed he was a man-god who was murdered and whose body was mutilated, and elaborate ceremonies were performed in commemoration of every event which took place in his life, death and resurrection.

Sound familiar? The above paragraph is not about whom you think. It describes Osiris, a chief Egyptian god who also morphed into a Greek god. It was a story well known by Paul, the guy who really pushed the “Judeo-Christian” agenda toward paganism and away from Judaism. Obviously, it also was a god story widely accepted in the pagan world which is why the concept of a resurrected god was so valuable to Paul, the missionary.

When Paul, the twisted Jew Saul, realized that the vast majority of Jews were not going to follow the new religion he was creating, he knew that his potential followers could only be the pagans. He dropped many of the humanitarian laws that were part of Judaism and began to incorporate beliefs that were rampant in the pagan world. His approach reminds me very much of Muhammad’s some 600 years later. In an effort to convert the Jewish tribes of Arabia to his new religion, he decreed that prayers must be made facing Jerusalem. When he realized that the Jews were not interested, he changed the direction of the prayers toward Mecca, which had once been a center of paganism.

Mutilation, death and resurrection
The concept of the man-god, his mutilation, death and resurrection were an ideal way to attract pagan’s to Paul’s new religion. And the selection of one of the hundreds of “messiahs” who were running around the Judean countryside was as good a symbol as any to anoint with the man-god messiah title. Since the Jews were no longer the primary target for conversion it was safe to heap most of the negative aspects of the crucifixion story on them despite the fact that almost all of the hundreds or thousands of the people crucified in Judea were Jews. And since the pagan Romans were now among the main targets for conversion, Paul and the Gospel writers had to make them look as guiltless as possible.

That is where the real problem of Christian Jew-hate lies—with the founder of the religion, Paul and those scribes, the Gospel writers and the authors of the other Christian holy books. Their job was to savage the Jews—in order to find favor with the Romans-- and they did it very successfully. And for 2,000 years their followers carried this crusade of savagery forward right into the Holocaust.

Guilt feelings or divine light
Maybe it was guilt feelings or a divine light that illuminated their path. Through Pope John XXIII and Vatican II many members of the Catholic Church recognized their own guilt against the Jews rather than focusing on the supposed guilt of the Jews for a crime that could not have been committed. Then, a short-lived “honeymoon” followed.
Some Christians were not enamored of the honeymoon and continued their crusade of hate-- and haters are often violent people. I even have heard some of these people deny that Jesus could have been Jewish. This very idea is anathema to them even though they hear it taught in their churches. Even if they mouth the words “Judeo-Christian, to them, the gulf between Judeo and Christian is unbridgeable. 

The Gibsons
Hutton Gibson is one of the people who never participated in the Judeo-Christian honeymoon. He is Mel Gibson’s father, of course, and this was the environment in which Mel was raised. Mel has made an outstanding career for himself acting in and directing movies that glorify violence. So when he decided to make a movie on a religious theme it is not surprising that he combined his religion with his stock-in-trade of violence.

Mel Gibson’s version of the Jesus Christ story naturally focused on the end of the spectrum that was far removed from the Jewish influences on the religious values of Jesus. And the sources that Mel Gibson used were the sources that had the purpose of ingratiating Paul’s religion with the Romans and other pagans.

Basically, then, the Jesus story morphs into the Osiris story. The rationale behind the Jesus story maybe different than the rationale behind the Osiris story. But the idea of the man-god and the human sacrifice are definitely not Jewish. They are pagan. And that’s the comfort zone for Mel Gibson, Hutton Gibson and the like-thinkers who feel as they do.

There is a lot of talk around that The Passion must be a good movie because Mel Gibson has earned a fortune from it. Let me remind these talkers, as well as Mel, of the words attributed to Jesus: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.”


SPREADING A FEEL-GOOD CANCER
When something bothers you, get it off your chest. Perhaps, just maybe, we can prevent the evil-doers and their co-conspirators from continuing their unacceptable behavior. So I e-mailed the following letter to the spiritual leader of Congregation Agudath Sholom in Stamford, CT with bccs to some of my readers. The comments of my readers already have begun to arrive. I will print them in my next issue.


Dear Rabbi Dratch:

I just received a flyer announcing that Avraham Burg will be a speaker at Agudath. His appearance is a slap in the face to all Stamford Jews who support a strong Israel. Burg's entire public career has been devoted to weakening the ability of the State of Israel to defend itself against its murderous Arab neighbors. Of course, he pursues these policies under the guise of a search for peace. He supported Oslo and participated in the meaningless Geneva "Accord" --programs that have brought an increase in Arab terrorism to the Jewish people with the resulting thousands of deaths and maimings.

I am surprised that an Orthodox Synagogue would invite an individual of Burg's ilk to speak from its pulpit. Can I expect another Agudath announcement that you are becoming a Reform Temple, or maybe even a mosque?

Your flyer notes that Burg's lecture is made possible through the "generosity" of Carl and Dorothy Bennett. I know that the Bennetts are very generous and have made major contributions to the cure of cancer, so it makes me wonder why they would bring a politician here who has spread cancerous ideas against the welfare of the Jewish people. Perhaps they were not aware of his record.

Sincerely and sadly,



GETTING PERSONAL
Modern technological society has given people looking for a mate options that were never before available. The matchmaking sites on the Internet have become a major venue for the seekers, but traditional sites are still drawing the hopeful. Newspapers—local, regional and religious—regularly carry personals. In addition to the traditional ads of women seeking men and men seeking women, you now see listings for men seeking men and women seeking women, as well as a variety of other combinations.

As I look at these ads, I’m surprised at the large number of women who are looking for a man with a sense of humor. My surprise is based on my estimation that since 65%, maybe 75%, or maybe more of our population does not have a sense of humor, how will these women know that they have found somebody with a sense of humor?

For example in The New York Times Personals on March 14, 2004 there were 44 ads of women seeking men. An unbelievable number, to me, of 28 wanted a man with a sense of humor. Several more claimed that the woman had a sense of humor implying that a man with similar characteristics was an object of the search.

Humor was not the object of everyone, however. A “softspoken, easygoing, blonde” was looking for a “wealthy gentleman of 45 and up, to enjoy quiet times together.” (He should keep quiet times while she is counting his money?)

Another woman who describes herself as a “successful yet low-key, witty, caring former Midwesterner, enamored of Pacific hide-a-ways Figi, (I’ll blame the spelling on the compositor) Costa Rica, Bali yet just as happy in Europe or with good conversation and wine at a favorite local Italian restaurant.” (I know a local Italian restaurant but I didn’t call her. By the way, whatever happened to those Midwestern girls that were satisfied with a hot dog and a Coke?)

I’m sure that the men looking for women Personals can be similarly dissected

TRANSLATING THOSE “PERSONAL” ADS
As I was writing my review of the personals, I recalled that someone sent me a more mean-spirited manual on how to decipher the personals. Though mean-spirited, here it is.

40-ish....................…...49
Adventurer............. ....Slept with all your friends
Athletic........................No tits
Average looking....... ...Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful......................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.... ....Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.....................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure .....Medicated
Feminist..............….....Fat ballbuster
Free spirit..............….Junkie
Friendship first............Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun..............................Annoying
Gentle....... ............... ..Comatose
Good Listener..............Borderline Autistic
New-Age....................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned..............Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded..............Desperate
Outgoing.....................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...................Sloppy drunk
Poet............................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional................Certified Bitch
Redhead.....................Bad dye-job
Rubenesque...............Grossly Fat
Romantic................... Looks better by candle light
Social........................ Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous.................Very Fat
Weight proportionate w/ height......... Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.........Stalker
Widow........................ Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart............Old bat


AMERICA’S PRIORITIES
The annual salaries of two American judges as listed in Parade Magazine: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, United States Supreme Court Justice - $190,100; Judy Sheindlin (Judge Judy), TV judge - $25 million.


NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.

Here is one that sort-of fits. Governor Schwarzenegger has appointed Joseph Gunn as executive director of a panel to recommend short-and-long-term fixes for the trouble-wracked California prison system. I believe he can take his time in making the recommendations. He is not under the gun.


HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Strawberry Chooses Church Over Yankees
The story is that he makes more money from the church than from the Yankees. That’s so spiritual.

Join Lieberman In Iran Resolutions
Anything to avoid an Israel involvement.

Moviegoers Nationwide Flock To Gibson’s ‘Passion’
The first day they really had a job to clean up all those ashes.

Rowland Focuses On Transportation, Defense
You can bet your bottom dollar it’s not America’s defense.

Monkeys Help Scientists Find AIDS strategy
It was the monkeys that advised the scientists to use condoms.

Spa Employee Arrested On Prostitution Charge 
She will be sentenced to six months of community service—that means free sex for every police officer in Norwalk.

Church Sex Scandal Raises Insurance Costs For Groups That Work With Kids
Do you think the insurance companies arranged the whole thing?

President Bush Tightens Rules On Travel To Cuba
Americans can go there only in dinghies or small makeshift boats. He doesn’t want the Cubans to feel inferior.

3 Ex-Pitney Bowes Workers Plead Guilty To Fraud Charges
What did they do, use postage meters on FedEx packages?b

FBI Bans Taking Of Crime Scene Items In Wake Of WTC Site Thefts
Why is everyone picking on the Feds? Next thing, the Feds will be required to connect the dots!

France Seeks U.N. Force In Haiti And The Resignation Of Aristede
They didn’t get it right in Iraq, so now they’ll try Haiti

Some In G.O.P. Cool To Gay Marriage Ban
It’s the compassionate conservatives that are still in the closet.

Katherine Gun, British Linguist Leaked Top-Secret U.S. Memo
How come the Brits found the smoking gun and the White House never finds the smoking gun?

C.I.A. Says Election In Iran Dealt Blow To Reform
I would like to hear “the company’s” analysis of the election in Florida.

Polio Immunization Launched In Africa
At least a few Islamic leaders are using their hearts instead of their heads.

Fire At Columbia University Building
It was an accident, two Muslim fundamentalist professors rubbed against each other.

Iraqi Council Weighs Return Of Jews, Rejecting It So Far
I guess they never heard of the right of return. That’s OK with me.

Probation Officer Meets With Stewart In Court
She made him go home and change his tie.

C.I.A. Director Disputes Cheney Assertions On Iraq
There’s a job opening at the C.I.A.

Pakistan Tests Longest-Range Missile Yet
His assistants dragged the Indian chief-of-staff away from the button while they were explaining that Pakistan had given prior warning about the test.

Miami Coach’s Future Uncertain
Once again the moral and educational standards of the leaders of higher education is being writ large on the sports pages, the front pages and the police blotters of our nation. Our college presidents wink at every immoral, unethical and illegal action taken by their sports departments just as long they lead to winning teams. But hell hath no fury like these academics just as soon as their teams become losers or their illegal and shameful operations are exposed to ethical alumni.

Scientists Map Genetic Code Of The Chicken
They have not gotten beyond the letters KFC.

Iran Freezes Nuclear Inspections After It Is Censured By U.N.
Reminds me of George W. Bush refusing debates after Kerry called the Republicans crooks.

C.I.A. Says Russia Could Try To Reassert Itself After A Putin Victory
It’s good to be Tsar.

Tyco Defense: CEO Was Big Earner For Firm; Personal Matters Irrelevant
It’s OK if the king steals.

Video Claims Al Qaeda Set Blasts In Spain
Keep welcoming the Muslims with open arms.

Aristede Says He Was Duped By U.S. Into Leaving Haiti
True. The U.S. told him he was going to be tortured and hanged. He found out later he only was going to be hanged.

Medicare Official Claims Intimidation Over Cost Estimates
It wasn’t intimidation. They told him his Medicare was only going to cover anesthesiology...anesthesiology...anesthesiology...anesthesiology...gy...gy...gy...y...y..y....



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

The Jewish ability to internalize any criticism and condemnatory remark and castigate themselves is one of the marvels of human nature,
- Aaron Applefeld

Why hate yourself when there are so many willing to do it for you?
- A Jewish question

Editor: Okay, fellas...Cosmo just called in to say he’ll be sick again tomorrow. We’re going to have to share his workload...Wiz, You’ll have to play computer solitaire all day and Loon, you should come in really late!
- SHOE (comic strip).

How quick things get back to normal when you let nature take its course. Many of the gays involved in same sex marriages in San Francisco, three weeks later, have filed for divorce in Reno.
- Diogenes

To forgive the wicked hurts the good.
- Publius Syrus

An educated man has the right loves and hatreds.
- Lin Yutang

Doctor: We need to talk about a bypass procedure.
Patient: Oh my gosh!
Doctor: When you see a restaurant, pass on by.
- WIZARD OF ID (comic strip)

It is in human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion
- Anatole France

Exile: One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador. 
- Ambrose Bierce


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