THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
April 2004, VOL. IV, # 12
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HEROES IN WAR...JELLYFISH IN PEACE
It’s a phenomenon that has always puzzled me, but I think that I’m getting a handle on it. An individual who most personified this phenomena was Ehud Barak. Israel’s most decorated soldier who became the Prime Minister. One of his most fabled performances was going into PLO-controlled Beirut dressed as a woman and carrying out a dangerous mission against the Arab terrorists. No question that on this occasion and on many other he exhibited bravery on behalf of the State of Israel and, I assume, on behalf of the Jewish people. He never made a public statement that he opposed any of the operations or wars that he was involved in.

Then he was elected Prime Minister and he showed no backbone. He is bent to every demand of the Arab enemy and the American “friend” of Israel. He was prepared to give away the most holy parts of the holyland. And, even further, to endanger the safety of the State. Fortunately. The Arabs continued to be Arabs and they rejected his offer as not being sufficient. In addition to his proposed land giveaway, he pulled Israel’s troops out of Southern Lebanon giving the terrorists an opportunity to increase the vulnerability of Israel’s northern communities.

How did the war hero become the anti-hero as a political leader?

We also have a similar example here in the U. S. John Kerry was a genuine war hero in Viet Nam. When he came home, he was a leader of the anti-war forces. While there were many questions about the necessity of America being in Viet Nam, as a senator he apparently continued his anti-war, anti-defense, anti-security stand on the many different international issues that faced our country.

How did the war hero become the anti-hero as a political leader?

The simple political answer would be that changing situations call for different positions. I believe that I have an answer that is other than political. I submit that there are several distinct emotional/psychological personalities in each of these “war heroes,” as there are in all of us. The traits that were called for in a battle situation are not carried over to a political environment. Without thinking about it, we have seen thousands of fighting men who performed extraordinary deeds in wartime, overwhelmingly, become very ordinary civilians who never demonstrate their “heroic” personality.

About 15 or 20 years ago we witnessed another activity which highlighted the non-transference of certain behavior from one situation to another. The activity was the popular self-improvement phenomenon of walking barefoot over a bed of hot coals. The concept behind this activity was that if you could walk across a bed of glowing coal, you could do anything. People, who wanted to change their lives, who wanted to get ahead socially or in business paid to go through this process. There was no change in the lives of the two people I knew who walked across a bed of hot coals barefoot. The experience did not make them more aggressive or more adaptable. It was not transferable. The fad soon died because all it proved was that you could walk across a bed of hot coals.


OX, AS IN ORTHODOX
A couple of Orthodox Jewish institutions are giving evidence that they have the intelligence of the beast of burden whose name is part of their affiliation. 

Congregation Agudath Sholom of Stamford, Connecticut provided a speaking platform to Avraham Burg, a supporter of Oslo agreement which has brought nothing but terrorism, murder and economic disaster to the State of Israel. More recently this ultra-left-winger has compounded this felony with his participation in the Geneva Accord, an extra-legal fantasy that might be considered treason in any other country. The invitation to Burg has been covered in previous issues of The Diogenes Report.

Now we have Yeshiva University, that flagship of Modern Orthodoxy featuring an Israel-bashing “Jewish Arabist” as the keynote speaker at a YU dinner. The Zionist Organization of America pointed out that State Department official, Richard Haass has “repeatedly criticized and pressured Israel , justified the Syrian occupation of Lebanon and, more recently, blamed Israel; for ‘provoking’ Palestinian Arab terrorism.”

The Z.O.A. announcement also noted that Haass authored the elder Bush’s infamous 1991 speech against loan guarantees for Israel, which, at the time, Jewish leaders regarded as “one of the most mean-spirited addresses by an American president in recent memory.” Haass’s rap sheet as an Israel-basher has warmed the hearts of anti-Semites for years.

Bt providing venues to Burg and Haass, Agudath Sholom and Yeshiva University demonstrated their closer relationship to ox than to orthodox.

ANOTHER DENNIS THE MENACE
Fortunately, this Dennis the Menace was an also ran in the Democratic presidential primary, although he did roll up some votes in a few states. What is it with the Democrats that so many of their candidates lean toward Mecca. 

Dennis Kucinich’s calls for peace prompted some Americans, particularly Muslim-Americans, to back him. Recently, Kucinich addressed a mostly Muslim group of about 300 would-be supporters in San Antonio, Texas. 

"We backed ourselves into a corner and the rest of the world looks at us with curiosity. Once again we need to be united to create a new era of peace. We can all be peacemakers." Kucinich not only voted in opposition to the war in Iraq, but also opposed the Patriot Act Kucinich promised to establish a Department of Peace and replace American troops in Iraq with a UN contingency if elected "Our leaders say 'Don't do what we do, do as we say.' We build nuclear weapons, a missile shield, and yet tell others not to."

When Kucinich addressed the Muslim-American community in San Antonio he stated, "We must cherish and be with them (Muslims) in their suffering and defend them. In its suffering the Muslim community is helping America to transform. We're defending all Americans, all liberties. Celebrate Islam. Promote and share understanding. This country owes you a debt of gratitude."

THE OIL SITUATION GIVES ME GAS
Here are three quick solutions and one not so quick for the looming energy crises.

1.  Since everything President Bush achieved in life came through family connections, he should now go ask his dad to lean on his friends the Saudi royal family to open OPEC’s spigots. And if friendly persuasion doesn’t work, the next message should be that we will transfer a couple of divisions to the Saudi oil fields from Afghanistan.
   
2. In Iraq, lets move all of our troops to protect the oilfields, pipelines and oil ports. If this leaves the Iraqis free to kill each other, so much the better. While they are busy killing each other they won’t have much time to bother anyone else. At the same time, upgrade Iraq’s oil infrastructure and pump the hell out of its fields for the benefit of the U. S. 
   
3. Break up those violations in the oil industry—like Exxon-Mobil and a couple of 
   others-- of America’s traditional antitrust laws and force them to compete. If their managements refuse to compete, enough of their stock is controlled by public pension funds to bring in new management.
   
4. Launch a government funded alternative energy program, but not one cent should go to the oil or gas industries. The defense contractors would be a good choice for these programs.

NOT ALL PASSOVER STORIES ARE IN THE HAGGADAH
With Pesach soon upon them, the Jewish community in Barcelona found themselves in a desperate situation. There was an acute shortage of horseradish.

The entire community was mobilized in an effort to make sure that sufficient horseradish was available for Pesach seders and gefilta fish, but due to poor weather conditions, none was available from either the US or the EU.

In desperation, the Rabbi phoned one of his yeshiva friends in Tel Aviv and begged him to send a shipment of horseradish by air freight.

Two days before Pesach, a plane load of grade Aleph, tear-jerking, Israeli horseradish was loaded at Ben Gurion Airport onto EL Al flight 789 and all seemed to be well. Unfortunately, when the Rabbi went to the Madrid Airport to claim the horseradish he was informed that a wildcat strike had just broken out just as the plane was being unloaded and only a small amount could be delivered. No further shipments would be unloaded for at least four days.

As a result: The chrain in Spain stayed mainly on the plane


HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Search For Al-Qaida No. 2 Continues
They can find piles of it in every mosque in Saudi Arabia and in lots of other mosques around the world.

Another Oklahoma City Bomb Trial And Still Questions Remain
I have a question. Whatever happened to the evidence of an Iraqi connection that the FBI swept under the rug?

Senate Posse Is Passing Steroid Buck To Baseball
Can we call them bush leaguers instead of a posse?

Gov. Slams Impeachment Committee
He says they are wasting taxpayer money. I’ll bet that the Guv has some bucks stashed away that he can give the committee so that they don’t need to use taxpayer money.

To Ease Confusion, FDA To Decide What’s A Low-Carb Food
I hope they put a large order of fries on the list.

Diverse Challenges: Professor Traces Religious Growing Pains In America
After reviewing the Protestant, Catholic and Jewish influences, he noted that Muslims and Buddhists are creating new threads in the American cultural and religious fabric. When he mentioned the Muslims did he mean new threads or new threats?

NYU Tops ‘Dream College’ List
This was based on a survey of high school students and their parents. After the number of NYU students who jumped out of dormitory windows, I wonder if the terminology should be changed to a ‘nightmare list’—especially for the parents?

Aquarion To Seek 14% Hike In Water Fees
This is sure to put a lot of their customers under water.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome? (advertisement)
It happens to Colon Bowel every time the Israelis extend the wall.

Alf Bicknell, 75, Beatles Chauffeur (obituary)
At least they let their chauffeur live to 75, not like Jayson Williams.

Central (Connecticut State University) Faculty Votes To Support School's President
He is a self-admitted plagiarist. He used flashing lights on his car to pull over a motorist when he is not authorized to do so. He supported a symposium that was supposed to be objective but was totally one-sided. Who are more unethical America’s business leaders or America’s academics? Tough choice.

Federal Rules Eased For Rural, Multisubject Teachers
Does this have anything to do with having relations with a lot of different farm animals?

Jack Slept Here
It’s not about Kennedy, it’s about Kerouac.

Masonic Leader Suspends Lodge Where Member Died In Shooting
The guy who was shot wasn’t even a Catholic. Is that why they are suspending the lodge.

Spain Is Going To See Eye-To-Eye With Europe Again
Viva Franco!

Fox Seeks To Overhaul Mexican Justice System 
1. Tear down all the courthouses.
2. ****** all the Mexican judges. I can’t go into gory details in a family newsletter.
3. Start overhauling

U.S. Sees Cause For Concern Over Gas
Have they tried Beano or Gas-X?

Public’s Anger Over Obscenity Refreshing (headline of William F. Buckley column)
What’s refreshing about it? This is the language most Americans hear over the dinner table and around the bridge table.

Stamford Seeks Tax Breaks To Keep Clairol.: 
Company Weighs Manufacturing Move To Mexico
It’s going to take more than hair coloring to make Mexican women look presentable.

Metro-North Has A Plan In Case Of Attack
All trains will skip the 125th Street and Fordham stations.

Homicide Suspect Kills Self After Leading Police On High-Speed Chase
The police found a severed head on the front seat. It’s dangerous to drive that way, the head probably couldn’t see over the dashboard.

Man Shot To Death In Hartford
He was shot in a convenience store. It may have been convenient for the shooter, but it was damn inconvenient for the victim.

Sharon Says He Will Not visit Pollard
I guess there is no money in it for the PM.



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

Sometimes our mind has a mind of its own.
   - Diogenes

The NFL plans to expand half-time at the next Superbowl so that Pamela Anderson can expose her boobs.
   - Diogenes

The last refuge of a patriot is somewhere without extradition.
    - Nelson DeMille

The Republicans are a mean-spirited, underhanded gang, the Democrats are a dangerous bunch and Ralph Nader is a sniveling spoiler among his more endearing qualities. So who is there to support?
   - Diogenes

How do you translate ‘top terrorist’ from Arabic into English? ‘Spiritual leader.’
   - Diogenes

Ethel: Willy, you turned that leaky faucet into a major problem!
Willy: Remember, you told the psychologist that you wouldn’t say anything negative about my work projects.
Ethel: Did I say “problem”? I meant to say “fountain.”
   - WILLY ‘N ETHEL (cartoon strip)

A man can have two, maybe three love affairs while he’s married. After that it’s cheating.
  - Yves Montand

I’d rather be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.
   - Charles Pierce

Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
  - Richter cartoon caption

Keep me away from the wisdom that does not cry, and the philosophy that does not laugh.
  - Kahlil Gibran

My uncle knew the exact day he would die. A judge told him.
   - Milton Berle

Comments welcome. e-mail to: editor@diogenesreport.com
All issues of The Diogenes Report are on the website -- 
www.diogenesreport.com