THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
May 2004, VOL. IV, # 15
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANOTHER MILESTONE

I guess you can pick any number and call it a milestone. I have decided to designate this 126th issue of The Diogenes Report as a milestone issue because I have passed the 125 mark which should have been the milestone. It is just over four years when the first issue hit the Internet and the problems of the world have not changed to any appreciable extent. To be sure, some of the problems that were bubbling below the surface of the playing field have become geysers. 

For example, way back in 2001, when the World Trade Center towers were still standing, I predicted that the Arabs would be coming through our doors and windows, unless we acted against Islamic terror. But unlike George W. Bush, I did make some mistakes. I said that there would be no “popular” uprising in Iraq since the “Arab street” was not allowed to keep arms under Saddam. However, I refuse to take full blame for this prediction because the wherewithal for the current fighting was aided and abetted by American policies.

While our military leadership was more concerned with “winning hearts and minds” and “boots on the ground” instead of boots on the throats of the Iraqis, those prospective adherents of democracy were busy collecting weapons and enlisting foreign fighters. So on my misapprehension on this issue, I am willing to share blame with the White House, State Department and Pentagon. By the way, I wonder how many of the artifacts looted from the Iraqi National Museum were traded for weapons and ammo. But those are the kind of things that happen when you look benignly on looters in Baghdad or New York or Los Angeles or Miami.

When Sharon was running for Prime Minister, Diogenes predicted that he was going to be a problem not very different than his left wing opponents. And he has been true to my word. Now, he is embarked on a plan to uproot Jewish communities in the Land of Israel. Isn’t it strange that so many people in the U.S., Europe and Israel who cringe at the thought of transferring Arabs have no qualms about transferring Jews.

Overall, in the best traditions of the Hebrew prophets and better than the Delphic oracle, Diogenes has been on target with most of his analyses and predictions. This is not based on genius or any special gifts, but on the firm belief in the unchanging behavior of mankind and the historical mining of national traits. I know that a great many people do not want to believe in this viewpoint, but it is my philosophy. If nothing else, it keeps one from being disappointed or shocked by what goes on in the world.

Of course, you all remember that Diogenes was the guy who walked through the streets of ancient Athens during bright daylight carrying a lantern. When questioned about his bizarre behavior, he explained that he was looking for an honest man. That was 2500 years ago. The current Diogenes is not only continuing that search, but he is also looking for a sane person (see, I’m politically correct)—other than himself, of course.



HOW TO READ BETWEEN THE LIES FROM SHARON AND BUSH

An editorial in HaTzofeh summed up the fears of many Israelis regarding the Bush-Sharon understandings:

"Prime Minister Sharon calls his visit in Washington one of his greatest accomplishments of his political career. He points to President Bush's commitments, which include, 'Israel will not return to the Green Line, and the Arab refugees will not return to Israel.' True, these words indicate that Washington clearly backs the Jewish State - but when we delve more deeply, we see that this is not the first time that American presidents have made statements like this - and for the most part, their value is declarative only. They certainly cannot be depended on to guarantee American support for our annexation of large parts of Judea and Samaria.

"We cannot ignore the fact that the American President did not specify the name of any community that will remain Israeli. He did, however, emphasize his awareness of 'Israel's responsibility to restrict the growth of settlements...'

"Furthermore, Jerusalem - the capital of Israel - was not even mentioned. It is probably the first time that an Israeli Prime Minister did not mention Israel's unambiguous stand that all of Jerusalem is the eternal capital of the People of Israel, and that it is outside the bounds of any negotiations.

"Sharon also tried to distract our attention from Bush's ambiguous remarks regarding the Arab refugees. Bush said that a solution to this problem will 'need' to be found in the Palestinian state that will arise, 'rather' than in Israel... 

"President Bush also emphasized several times that the current plan is subservient to the Road Map - which, it will be recalled, has never yet been amended according to Israel's demands. The 14 clauses that Israel wished to correct have never been touched. The Road Map, in its original version, simply does not meet Israel's requirements.

"Mr. Sharon is trying to present these understandings as an achievement in anticipation of the Likud referendum. But in concrete terms, there simply is no great achievement about which Israel can boast. Only two days before, Bush met with Egyptian President Mubarak, and did not mince words to satisfy him. It can be assumed that next week, in his meeting with Jordan's King Abdullah, Bush will again find the right words to describe the 'special American-Jordanian' relationship..." (King Abdullah postponed the meeting with the president because he is unhappy with the Sharon “agreement.” You can be sure he won’t stay unhappy for long.)

"Aside from his warm words towards Israel, President Bush promised nothing concrete. Sharon, on the other hand, promised to implement the Road Map, even without the Israeli amendments, and agreed to leave Jerusalem for final-status talks, and agreed to Bush's vague statement about the refugees, and agreed to his words about 'restricting settlements.' This, actually, was the main achievement of the Prime Minister's visit to Washington."



THE ROBIN WILLIAMS PEACE PLAN

Since the actors masquerading as government officials are not doing a good job of coming up with a peace plan, I thought I’d give another actor a shot at it. So here is Robin Williams’ “perfect” plan ... what we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.

1. The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and the rest of those good ol' boys: We will never "interfere" again.

2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.

3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would welcome them.

4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5. No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" (for "deport") and it's back home baby.

6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7.Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is stolen or given to the Army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The language we speak is ENGLISH.....learn it...or LEAVE...

Now, ain't that a winner of a plan. The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, "You want a piece of me?"



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Doctor Wins $6M In Sled Crash Lawsuit
At least one doctor doesn’t want a cap on negligence suits.

Americans Killed In Kosovo Shootings
1. Why?
2. Are we there?
3. We should get out and let the Serbs handle the situation.

Israel To Withdraw From Gaza
I’d rather see Sharon withdraw from Israel.

Congress And White House End Taboo Against Tolls
It’s just another way to raise taxes without using the word “taxes.”

Reject Unification, Cypriot Leaders Urge
Apparently, neither the Greeks nor the Turks are planning voluntary disengagement from the island. 

Officials See Little Reason For Worry Over Bird Flu
I’ll bet the birds have some concerns.

Insurgency Hampers Reconstruction
I’m glad someone has enough sense to hamper it.

France Concerned About Heat-Wave Readiness
They don’t seem to be worried about the heat the Muslims are putting on the country

Saudis Support a Jihad In Iraq, Not Back Home
A little jihad in the U.S. is also OK as long as it doesn’t affect the Bushies.

Israeli Says Vote Against Gaza Pullout Will Not Derail Sharon’s Plan
That big fat guy praying at al Aksa with his behind in the air did look a lot like Ariel.

Contractors Giving Gifts Common Practice In State
Other common practices are no bidding awards, overpayments to contractors and substandard work by contractors. Is there a relationship to the gifts.

Israel’s Vanunu Is A Hero Who Ought To Be Emulated
1. Emasculated would be more appropriate.
2. The author is very big on taking away Israel’s capability to use a nuclear bomb. Why isn’t he big on freeing Jonathan Pollard who may have prevented an Arab attack which might have led to the use of a nuclear bomb? But that’s Daniel Ellsberg.



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

They don’t call me Tyrannosaurus Sex for nothing!
     - Senator Edward Kennedy

If I don’t have a woman every three days or so I get a terrible headache.
     - President John Kennedy

We also know the record of Ambassador Joseph Kennedy and Robert Kennedy. Does that sum up the total picture of the Kennedy “family values?
     - Diogenes

Gloomy Groom: Dear Editor, my fiancee keeps postponing our wedding. 
Isn’t that bad luck? 
Editor: Dear Gloomy, Not as long as she keeps doing it.
     - SHOE (comic strip)

If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?
    - Vince Lombardi

Yasir Arafat said, “All of us are martyrs-in-waiting.” I say, “Don’t keep him waiting.”
     - Diogenes

Which armory do you pray in?
     - Muslim saying

We will all die one day. Nothing will change. If by Apache or cardiac arrest, I prefer Apache.
     - Abdel Aziz Rantisi

Rantisi’s wish was the IAF’s command. Apache it was.
     - Diogenes

There are people who think that everything one does with a serious face is sensible.
     - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Cease Fire: a mutually agreed upon time-out in the game of war, brief enough to prevent peace but long enough to permit reinforcements. Protocol requires that each side claim violations by the other, both of whom are right,
      - Edmund H. Volkart


READERS’ COMMENTS
Diogenes is not responsible for these comments in any way, shape or form.

Why don’t you ask what Kerry did to deserve 'his' purple hearts? Why did he leave before his time in Viet Nam? If he quit early, will he do the same in Iraq? Tell him to change his recordings, it is getting dull and stupid. Get him to release his war records. What is he hiding? Did you know that he is a spendthrift, in election year he is charitable, the other years he gives very little. What is his wife hiding in her tax forms?


RE: VOL. IV, #14 -- This issue is TOPS!



Comments welcome. e-mail to: editor@diogenesreport.com
All issues of The Diogenes Report are on the website -- 
www.diogenesreport.com