THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
June 2004, VOL. IV, # 19
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IT COULD HAVE BEEN CNN, NPR, NBC, ABC, CBS OR THE NEW YORK TIMES 

A guy in Paris saw a pit bull attacking a toddler. He killed the pit bull and saved the child's life. Reporters swarmed the fellow. "Tell us! What's your name? All Paris will love you! Tomorrow's headline will be: "Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog! "The guy says, "But I'm not from Paris. "Reporters: "That's OK. Then the whole of France will love you and tomorrow's headline will read: 'Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!' "The guy says, "I'm not from France, either. "Reporters: "That's OK also. All Europe will love you. Tomorrow's headlines will shout: 'Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!' "The guy says, "I'm not from Europe, either." Reporters: "So, where ARE you from? The guy says, "I'm from Israel." Reporters: "OK. Then tomorrow's headlines will proclaim to the world: 'Israeli Kills Girl's Dog!'"

SPEAKING OF FLIP-FLOP

The Republicans accuse John Kerry of being a flip-flopper and he is. But let’s take a look at another flip-flopper who tries to spin himself as Washington’s moral and ethical weathervane. That’s Joe Lieberman, of course. At the recent AIPAC convention, Joe said: “My friends, do you agree with me that it is time—long past due—for America to move our embassy in Israel to Jerusalem? In every other country in the world—so many of which are not America’s friends—the American embassy is in the city designated by those countries as their capital. But not in Israel, not in Jerusalem, which for 3,000 years has been Israel’s capital.

“I know there are people who will say now what they have always said: ‘It’s not the right time.’ But it is only really the wrong time for those enemies of Israel who believe that Jerusalem will cease to be the capital of a Jewish state.” The position that he is criticizing is exactly the position he took when he was nominated as Gore’s vice presidential running mate in 2000. Before he was nominated, he supported moving the embassy to Jerusalem.

Speaking of flip-flop.

They are all flip-floppers. The Jews are ecstatic that Bush has made a number of strong statements in support of Israel. That’s out of one side of his mouth. Out of the other side, he pushes his “Road Map” which negates all of his words of support.

Speaking of flip-flop.

As for Kerry, one day he opposes Israel’s security fence, the next day he supports it. One day, he supports a strong Israel, the next day, he says he will send those two Israel haters Jimmy Carter and James “fuck the Jews” Baker to settle the Israel-Arab dispute. He claims to be for a strong Israel but he has surrounded himself with Clinton’s “Peace Now” gang.

Speaking of flip-flop.

The problem may be that these guys flip when they’re supposed to flop.

TIME FOR ANOTHER INVESTIGATION

With our military devoting so much of its effort to investigations and holding back from demolishing Iraqi militarized mosques, another investigation might not be out of place. Right now the investigations are focusing mainly on “peace” and pacification problems. The focus I am suggesting has to do with war-related blunders that may be the ultimate responsibility of the Pentagon or even the White House. These blunders are now costing American lives and whoever was responsible for them should be made to pay, at least with their careers.

The lack of insight into the mindset and culture of the Arabs by the D.O.D. and the White House is unforgivable. To expect the Arabs to welcome the Americans and shower our soldiers with flowers and really mean it is worthy of an illiterate clodbuster and his similar neighbors who never left Texas. They wouldn’t feel that way about Mexicans.

The invasion of Iraq was not a philosophical exercise, it was a real war against a real enemy. In that kind of situation, what is the first thing you do after you defeat an enemy army? Common sense and good military strategy tell you to take all precautions to prevent elements of the defeated army or the populace from rising up against you.

Orders should have gone out—even before the fighting ended-- that all weapons and arms depots were to be tightly secured by the Americans. To hell with securing the museum, they can’t use artifacts to kill Americans. Obviously, such orders were never given by commanders in the field, by the Pentagon or by the White House. Just think, all of those Iraqis that are killing Americans did not have weapons when Sadaam was in power. They wouldn’t have dared keep arms—even in secret.

Let’s have an open investigation to determine who shall be punished for this major sin of omission.

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE, YOU KNOW THEY’RE ARABS

Terrorists (?) attacked a residential section in the oil region town of Khobar in Saudi Arabia and were looking to kill infidels (that’s us, folks). After the so-called terrorists killed a number of people and took others hostages, the Saudi police and military arrived. Following a battle during which some hostages were freed and several killed, a number of the terrorists “escaped.” My question is how did they escape and to where?

Strange that they could escape into the desert and remain undetected. Particularly when the Saudi military had planes, choppers, vehicles and the vaunted Saudi desert trackers at their beck and call. Of course, they could have been welcomed into the homes of each and every Saudi family in the area. These are the Arabs that are our friends.

An interesting sidelight to this attack is that the Saudis claim to have killed two terrorists, one of whom was dressed in women’s clothes. I heard no outcry of “humiliation” from the Muslim world or from the Western world that the Arabs shoot a woman on sight. So much for Abu Grahb.

The evidence keeps mounting that we should have attacked Saudi Arabia rather than Iraq. Unfortunately, it is often difficult for national values to overcome family values (the Bush family and the Saudi royal family). Do I have to keep spelling it out?

Since this the same town of Khobar were the Saudis did not allow the Americans to investigate the bombing that killed and wounded dozens of American servicemen, I wonder if we will be given access to investigate this “terrorist” attack?

FALLOUT FROM THE WIG CONTROVERSY

The following notice was delivered to me via e-mail:

Dear Brethren,

Please ask you wives not to wear any panties that have Egyptian cotton. Apparently the wool that comes from Egyptian sheep may be part of an idolatry practice. It is customary for the Egyptian man while having sex with the sheep to scream out "oh my G-D", oh my G-d. This is obviously some sort of worship. Therefore until further clarification, we ask that all women in the community not wear their underwear (unless it's under rabbinical supervision.

HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

C.I.A. Director Tenet Resigns
1. Did he hear that President Bush is going to pardon Jonathan Pollard?
2. Has Karl Rove accepted the resignation?
3. When he leaves government does he plan to conduct a personal search for WMD?

Rowland Explains Decision To Step Down From Leading Bush Campaign In The State
1. He didn’t like Bush’s Iraq policy. 2. He didn’t like Bush’s stem cell policy.
3. Bush didn’t like Rowland’s conniving with his contractors’ policy.

Government Sets New Rules On Donations Of Sperm, Eggs, Skin
Are these donations tax deductible?

Syria Announces New Gas Discoveries
Does this mean they remembered where they hid Saddam’s poison gas shipments?

OPEC Rejects A Saudi Proposal To Increase Production Quotas
Don’t they understand that is the way to increase Osama’s funding?

Commonwealth Lifts Pakistan Suspension
George III likes the democratic progress they have made since their military coup. Perhaps they will hold the welcoming back ceremony at a Shiite mosque if they can find one that’s still standing.

Qaddafi Stalks Out Of An Arab Assembly
I hope they checked under his chair for any bombs.

Spain Finding Muslim Rights A Tough Issue
If they think that’s tough, wait ‘til they start dealing with Muslim wrongs.

New Egyptian Effort To Revive The Peace Process
First we’ll close off most of the tunnels used for smuggling arms into Gaza. Now what the hell else do you want?

Austria Enacts One Of Europe’s Toughest Animal Rights Laws
How “humanitarian” of these Nazis who never thought of enacting even a weak people’s rights law during the Holocaust.

Attackers Wound Two U.S. Soldiers In Kufa
Why not? We’re operating under a Muslim “cease-fire.”

More Oil Output May Give Saudis Glowing Results
I’ll bet Osama is rubbing his hands in glee. More charitable donations.

Entry Permits Into Israel To 19,000 Palestinians
No more than 3% are allowed to be suicide bombers. Clever Jewish logic!

Soros Supports Left-Wing Causes
You mean he’s not voting his pocketbook?

Suicide Bombing Attack At Bekaot Checkpoint
An Arab wearing a heavy overcoat despite the hot weather approached an Israeli military checkpoint. He continued to approach the checkpoint although he was ordered to halt. Instead of shooting him, the soldier manning the checkpoint fired warning shots according to IDF protocol that enabled the Arab to set off his bomb and wound the soldier and several other Arabs standing nearby. This story reminds me of a routine of Yaacov Smirnoff, the comedian who left the Soviet Union. When asked what he liked about America, he answered “warning shots.” The Middle East is not America, so the IDF would be wise to eliminate warning shots.

Turkish FM Gul: Turkey Can Support Palestinian & Islamic Issues If It Joins EU
A Muslim state even in Western clothes is still a Muslim state.

EGYPT EXPECTED TO PROCURE PAC-3 BY 2009
Expect the war between Israel and Egypt to break out before this missile defense from the U.S. is deployed. This sale is being approved by Israel’s friend, George W. Bush.

In Madrid Probe, Drugs Sales Seen As Weapon Of Jihad
Is the West trying to keep the Muslims out of the pharmaceutical business?

Convoy Attacked; Najaf Fighting Intensifies
Ain’t you guys ever heard of a Muslim truce?

QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

George W. Bush: Immigration should be a union between a man and his Mexican gardener.
- Lloyd Dangle (political carton)

The only impediment to peace between Israel and the Arabs is the existence of Israel.
- Diogenes

Israel has almost twice as many scientists as the Muslim countries.
- Pervez Hoodbhoy

How did the Muslims get so many scientists?
- Diogenes

Egypt would do everything in its power to “spare Palestinian lives.”
- Foreign Minister Ahmed Maher

Everything in their power except to stop shipping them weapons.
- Diogenes

Widows are divided into two classes: the bereaved and the relieved.
- Anonymous

He is old enough to know worse.
- Oscar Wilde

From happiness to sorrow takes a moment; from sorrow to happiness takes years.
- Anonymous

The role of the stock market is to humiliate the greatest number of people for as long as possible.
- Darrell Riley (equity strategist at T. Rowe Price)

Patient: I’d like to see the doctor.
Nurse: We can fit you in a week from Friday.
Patient: I could be dead by then.
Nurse: Make sure someone calls and cancels.
- WIZARD OF ID (comic strip)

The Hummer is a bummer.
- Diogenes (the environmentalist)

Do not maintain that there is no such thing as good or evil, but that there is good and evil.
- Jain saying

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


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