THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
July 2004, VOL. IV, # 22
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THE BRITS AND THE RUSSKYS LEARNED IT THE HARD WAY, BUT THE AMERICANS ARE TOO STUPID TO BENEFIT FROM THEIR EXPERIENCE

This is the third time that I’ve run the following bit of verse penned by Rudyard Kipling over a hundred years ago but the Americans continue to hang on there and take casualties in the name of what? Is Iraq any different?

When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier. 



THE LEADING MERCHANT OF DEATH

Merchants of Death was the title of a best selling book in the 1930s that described the arms dealers that peddled armaments and as a consequence encouraged countries to go to war. During the Cold War the main merchants of death were the Soviet Union and the United States. Now with the Russians on the sidelines, the leading merchant of death is the United States.

The U. S. is very busy encouraging another war in the Middle East. Not wars that can be considered necessary like America vs. Syria, America vs. Iran or America vs. Saudi Arabia. I predict Israel vs. Egypt and Israel vs. Saudi Arabia. Israel vs. Saudi Arabia may just require a devastating air strike to eliminate the Saudi’s F-15 capability. 

What we have always known and what has been reinforced recently during the terrorist attacks in the Kingdom—the Saudis are incapable of defending themselves or doing anything for themselves. Yet, the U. S. has supplied them with a fleet of F-15 fighter/bombers which the Saudis, in violation of their agreements with the U. S., have placed in an airfield within striking distance of Israel. These planes can readily placed in the hands of Muslim pilots from other countries or even in the hands of the “terrorists.” This is a situation, which cannot be acceptable to Israel over the long run.

The other potential war situation is between Israel and Egypt. The U. S. continues to pump the latest weapons technology into Egypt. Ask yourself why. Egypt has no enemies that are ready to attack. But Egypt does have an enemy that it wishes to wipe out. You are permitted one guess. It’s just a matter of who conducts the first strike. It will come as a sneak attack from Egypt or a preemptive strike by Israel. And it won’t happen in the distant future. Egypt is on the verge of imploding and, historically, that calls for a foreign adventure.

By the way, the Bush Administration is considering selling some of the advanced weapons to Egypt that it turned down for Israel. So much for Israel’s best friend in the White House.

Not only does the U. S. keep stirring the deadly brew but it also continues to add hotter and hotter spices.



THEY FREED THE ARAB TERRORIST PRISONERS
BUT NOT THE JEWISH PRISONER WHO TRIED TO PREVENT BLOODSHED

There is an old American saying which has equivalents in many other societies: When your houseguest keeps telling you how honest he is, be sure to count the silverware when he leaves.” I keep getting that same feeling about George W. Bush when tells us how dedicated he is to the war on terrorism. Some of the “missing silverware” in the war on terrorism involved the freeing, oops exchange, of Saudi terrorists held at Guantanamo for Brits held by Saudi Arabia. Saudi officials were allowed to interview the prisoners and select the “innocents” that they wanted freed. Our government can put any spin they want on this shameful act, but these were hardcore al Qaeda terrorists who were returned to the country that was most responsible for 9/11. 

Instead of sending these terrorist back to Saudi Arabia, we should have sent a fleet of cruise missiles to that fatherland of hatred and terrorism. This Guantanamo travesty is similar to letting the Saudis sneak out of the U.S after 9/11. That also was part of the Bush Administration’s war on terrorism. I know that Richard Clarke took “responsibility” for that outrage, but can anyone imagine he would have done if he didn’t believe that it was what the administration wanted?

While the Bush Administration is freeing al Qaeda terrorists who fought against the 
U. S., they are letting Jonathan Pollard rot in jail. Why don’t Israel and the U. S. 
carry out a prisoner exchange? The Israelis could turn over one of the American spies they catch from time to time or one of the Palestinian terrorists favored by the State Department in return for Pollard.

Speaking of American spies in Israel, the recently released records of the Johnson Administration revealed that a member of the Israeli cabinet was an n American spy during the Six-Day War. He was just one of the many American spies that operated, and continue to operate, in Israel.



RE: CONAN THE MILITANT

I sent this letter to The (Stamford) Advocate. It’s reprinted here to remind you that it is important to let the media and your elected officials know when are unhappy with their actions.

Happy Independence Day!

As I started to read today's Advocate, I found the headline at the top of page one disappointing--a better word would be outrageous. "Iraqi Militants Say Marine Hostage Is Beheaded," the headline blares. Yes, your description of these (expletive deleted) barbarian murderers as "militants" is totally unacceptable. Perhaps using the softer term "militant" when describing Palestinian terrorists has become so habit forming that The Advocate uses it for barbarians around the world. In this same issue there is a news story stating that the Israelis are "pushing ahead with a broad military operation aimed at preventing militants from firing rockets at Israeli towns..."

You may not want to edit the spin that the Associated Press puts out, but you certainly can edit your headline writer.

I am a "militant" and I resent your placing those (expletive deleted) terrorist barbarian murderers in my category.

Sincerely and happy Independence Day,



ANOTHER CREATION STORY

From the Internet

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. “So how is everything going,” inquired God.

“It’s all so beautiful, God,” she replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights—everything is wonderful.”

“But I have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I’m constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain,” reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced,” as she put it.

“That is a fair point,” replied God. “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured you needed only half of those. But I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.”

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

“Well Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied. “But, for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull: all the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let’s see…where did I put that useless boob?”

Doesn’t this make more sense than the story about the rib?



ELEVEN TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE 
BY RED SKELTON

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant for good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays.

2. We sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in California.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time," she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. When we go to the shopping mall, we always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because she thought there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She said, "In the lake."

7. Before you take the leap into matrimony, remember this: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

8. In fact, statistically 100 percent of all divorces start with marriage.

9. As for myself, I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

10. I haven't spoken to my wife in almost a year. I don't like to interrupt her.

11. I'll admit the last fuss we had was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I answered, "Dust!"



NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.

A clever company name seen on a moving van: Road Scholar.

An obit in the Stamford Advocate of June 29 announced the death of James Schoen, the founder and former owner of the Best Wurst Delicatessen in New Canaan. Clever name.



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

One Month After Gay Marriage, Further Challenges Lie Ahead
Gay divorce? Gay separation?

After Two Years, Jailed Man Turns Over Sniper Rifle
Rumor has it that before he turned over the high-powered rifle, he took out a judge and two FBI agents in the next county.

Militants Behead South Korean Hostage
They ain’t militants, they is just good ol’ Muslim boys.

TV Show To Follow Father-Son Team On Amazon River
It sounds like a replay of the old bar mitzvah safari story.

King Fahd Offers The Deviating Group One Month To Repent And Surrender
Or we’ll cut off their heads when we catch them.

State Business Groups Say They Will Miss Rowland
Especially the contractors!

62,000-Mile High Elevator Proposed By Scientist 
I want the contract to get the elevator music up there.

Pakistan Premier Resigns, Replaced By General’s Ally
The experts feel that this is a blow to democracy. Wow! They detected democracy in Pakistan.

Jury Convicts Drug Courier Who Lost Shipment In Norwalk
He was arrested when his car carrying $12 million in drugs broke down. Does his auto mechanic get an award for turning in a drug dealer?

Sept. 11 Panel Wonders Why 2 Hijackers Got Help When In U. S.
Why don’t they wonder about the Muslim terrorist infrastructure that helped the 9-11 bombers succeed?

Groton Dairy Queen Manager Kills Intruder
How many times did he have to tell him there was no vanilla?

(Gov.) Rell To Hire Lawyer As Ethics Counsel
Who is going to keep an eye on the lawyer?

Buffet With Buffet To Aid Charity
Is that bufay with Buffet or Buffet with bufay? I’m confused.

Israel’s High Court Orders Changes In Route Of Barrier In West Bank
I think Sharon should go duck hunting with the Chief Justice.

Diabetic Sheik Threatened To Eat M & Ms
They should have let him. He might have liked them better than his regular diet of camel chips

ABC News Anchor Peter Jennings Picked Up An Honorary Doctoral Degree At The American University Of Beirut
Is it a reward for his “objective” reporting of the Israeli-Arab conflict? At the ceremony, he paid tribute to the school as a place for cultural understanding. That must be the reason that so many terrorist leaders attended that university—they are the leaders of Arab Culture.

U. S. Officials Say Hezbollah Extorting From West Africa’s Diamond Merchants
The Arab diamond merchants are helping finance terrorism. Remember this the next time you want to complain about the guys on 47th Street.

U. S. Economy Adds 112,000 Jobs in June
Can we say that even these disappointing numbers are off-the-Wal-Mart?

Bush And Kerry Vie For The Support Of Rural Voters
Baa or should we say moo?

It’s Riches To Rags For Russian Oil Firm
Where is Stalin now that we need him? Have no fear; he’s back in the Kremlin.

Sudan Makes Pledge To Annan To Disarm Militias
After the Arabs have wiped out the Blacks.

Israel Sees A Surge In Immigration By French Jews, But Why?
Only The New York Times could ask this question.

India And Pakistan: Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
How come Mr. Sulzberger can’t get his correspondent in Israel to understand this concept?

Militant Iraqi Group Says it Beheaded A Kidnapped American Marine
Think what they would have done to the poor guy if they were terrorists.

California Report Criticizes ‘Dysfunctional’ Prisons
It wouldn’t be PC to criticize the dysfunctional prisoners.

Photos Of A Saturn Moon Both Tantalize And Confuse
It seems like Saturn ‘mooned’ the scientists.

Kerry: Life Begins At Conception
I must have a vice president who shares my beliefs. My choice is Cardinal Edward Egan.

Israeli Intelligence Says There May be A Plot Against Sharon Because of His Policy To Remove Settlements
Oh, oh, the left is hatching another assassination plan.

Edwards Was Not Kerry’s First Choice (Republican ad)
That’s OK Bush wasn’t Cheney’s first choice either.



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

None love the messenger who brings bad news.
     - Sophocles

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence.
     - Barbara Walters

Skill is nil without will.
     - Judah ibn Tibbon

Man: a creature made at the end of a week’s work when God was tired.
     - Mark Twain

An editorial: Only a small percentage of criminals do any real prison time…the rest are re-elected.
     - SHOE (comic strip)

I’m George W. Bush and I did not approve this message: We should all study the Greek philosophers.
     - Diogenes

I’m John Kerry and I approved this message: We should, shouldn’t, should, shouldn’t, should, maybe should, and almost definitely shouldn’t study the Greek philosophers.
     - Diogenes

The pithy quotation: the earliest example of a sound bite.
     - Diogenes

When it comes to war and peace, I will tell the truth to the American people.
     - John Kerry

Does that mean that he will lie about everything else? 
     - Diogenes

Patriotism is not so much protecting the land of our fathers as preserving the land of our children.
     - Jose Ortega Y Gasset

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
     - George Bernard Shaw

Frog: Your husband turned me into a frog.
Wizard’s Wife: What were you before?
Frog: A high school biology teacher.
Wizard’s Wife: Serves you right.
     - WIZARD OF ID (comic strip)

Lincoln made a wonderful speech one time: “That this nation under God, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that Government of the People, by the People, for the People shall not perish from this earth,” Now, every time a politician gets in a speech, he digs up this Gettysburg quotation. He recites it every Decoration Day and practices the opposite the other 364 days. Now Mr. Lincoln meant well, but he only succeeded in supplying an applause line for every political speaker who was stuck for a finish.
     - Will Rogers


A CEO was interviewing applicants for the Chief Financial Officer’s position. He asked each applicant: “How much is 2 million plus 2 million?”

The first two applicants replied without hesitation: “Four million.”
Neither got the job.

When the third applicant was asked the sum of 2 million plus 2 million, he got up, closed the door, drew the blinds, leaned across the desk and asked: “How much would you like it to be?”

He was hired.
     - Anonymous



READERS’ COMMENTS 

Re: Vol. IV, #21, “Determinism and Free Will Revisited”

I disagree with the premise that this "terrible" love of war, this magnetic attraction to war is inherent in the hearts, minds and loins of mankind. My theory is that greed, narcissism, and religion enter into play. Greed for acquisition, power and money. The I, I, I behavior is that most men/women want to be top banana, If you will. Religion is to be distorted as the Muslim extremists have shown. The three come together as greed for leading the pack and religion as an excuse for their behavior. I don't believe that war is curable, as humans, at present, greed for power, acquiring material things (as well as land) and are unfeeling. Saddam, for example, doesn't think he did anything wrong -- disclaims responsibility for murdering thousands of innocent souls. Frankly, I'm scared -- scared that terrorists are entering this country to make serious trouble. Despite our country's ferreting these undesirables out, the few that slip through can terrorize our nation as they did on 9/ll.

Diogenes’ Response

Although you claim the "magnetic attraction to war" is not genetic, you undercut your thesis by saying that greed; narcissism and religion (which is not in the same category as greed and narcissism) are the motivating (inherent) forces responsible for war. So we get back to the idea that man's emotional makeup continually leads to war. 



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