THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
July 2004, VOL. IV, # 24
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THE STRAW THAT’S BREAKING THE CAMEL’S BACK

As most of my readers know, the role that the U. S. plays in supporting the safety of the State of Israel is my primary reason for voting for one presidential candidate over another. My feeling is that George Bush, despite his many shortcomings, fulfills this role better than John Kerry. However, I am having second thoughts about voting for Bush even though he is—or has been—strong on Israel.

In what appears to be a major shift in government policy, the Bush administration is blocking lawsuits against drug companies by citizens whose family members have been injured or killed by medications or medical equipment. The Administration claims that the companies are immune to suits if the “experts” at the Food and Drug Administration have approved the drugs. 

“Experts”—ha, ha, ha. It would be funny if we did not witness all of the tragedies caused by the decisions of the “experts” at the F.D.A. and every other federal agency. Let’s recall just a few of the expert decisions of our government agencies looking out for the welfare of the American people: it was the F.D.A. that claimed Thalidomide was safe and that smoking cigarettes was safe. Other agencies claimed that Agent Orange was safe, that lead-based paints were safe, that Bridgestone tires were safe, that the Ford Pinto was safe and that the V/STOL was safe while dozens of Marines were being killed in crashes of these aircraft. Currently we have the FCC-approved cell-phone-antenna-systems that may be endangering the health of our children, as well as adults with weakened immune systems that include cancer and heart patients. This is a case of communications “experts” making health decisions. The list of “government-expert” approved products that have caused deaths and injuries is endless. Lawsuits—and large monetary judgments and, hopefully, prison time-- are the only way we have to keep companies reasonably honest and careful about the products they produce.

This move by the Bush Administration is a slap in the face of the American people and a sign that this President and his gang of “compassionate conservatives care only about big business.



THINKING OUT LOUD ABOUT SANDY

The news that has almost pushed Scott Peterson and Michael Jackson off the front pages involves Samuel “Sandy” Berger, the former Clinton national security advisor who illegally took classified documents from the secure National Archives. According to news stories, he was videotaped stuffing documents into his pockets, into his pants and even into his socks. Does he know the penalty for making classified documents smell like your socks and underwear? He claims actions were inadvertent and that he made a mistake. That’s not even a fib…it’s a big lie. The only “mistake” he made was not realizing that he was on “candid camera.” I’m waiting for his lawyer to say he is bipolar and he forgot to take his medication. That’s a very popular excuse for irrational behavior, these days.

Let’s speculate on why he did what he did—steal classified documents, some of which he had written himself as the national security advisor. Perhaps he wanted to destroy them or change them. He may have considered them an embarrassment after 9-11 and the investigations into how the American government responded to terrorism under his and Clinton’s watch. Since he is a supporter Of Peace Now, perhaps this could be a fertile area to consider as a cause for his strange actions.

Is it possible that Berger entered into a secret arrangement with Peace Now—the Jewish wing of the PLO—to embarrass Netanyahu or Sharon into giving away more of the land of Israel than they normally would? Or, maybe he asked some Afghans to play dead in the countryside while the next American satellite passed overhead so that the Clinton missile strikes looked like they had been effective. Whatever the reasons, Berger must have been very nervous about something.

The main problem these days with Sandy Berger and his ilk is that they are party of Kerry’s team of advisors. So when it comes election day we should weigh very carefully just how unfriendly the Democrats will be to a strong Israel. Also, it is unfortunate that Ariel Sharon seems to have been overtaken by dementia brought on by his advanced age—as was Menachem Begin-- and has become a member of this same team. Can we look forward to a time when a Kerry/Peace Now/Sharon cabal will make Ehud Barak is remembered as a strong Zionist? 



DID THIS NEWS RING A BELL?

Herr Arafat’s Advisor: Sir, the Prime Minister has handed in his resignation.
Herr Arafat: Tell him to forget about it, I decide who can resign! (2004)

Herr Hitler’s Advisor: Fuehrer, you are listening to Richard Strauss’s music but Strauss is A Jew.
Herr Hitler: Don’t tell me who is a Jew. I decide who is a Jew! (1939)

Democracy at work in the Arab world.



ANOTHER FAMILIAR OBSERVATION

Guess where the following quote came from.

“The roots of our problems are unchanged,” he said. We are not a single nation, but three peoples sharing a space. We see the same faces, the same attitudes, as we did before. What has changed is that the West loses interest. I wonder if they learned anything.”

Yes, it could very well guess, Iraq. Not a single nation but three peoples sharing a space—that certainly describes Iraq. 

However, this is a quote from a Bosnian Serb in an article from The New York Times marking the 10th anniversary of the end of the fighting in Bosnia and the stationing of American and UN troops in the country. Remove the troops and the people-- Orthodox Serbs, the Bosnian Muslims and the Catholic Croats-- will go back to killing each other. So it’s the 10th anniversary and counting.

Based on that scale, the U.S. is destined to remain in Iraq for well, well, well over 100 years. Remember, our troops in Korea and Germany have been there for over 50 years.

Heed well, Diogenes’ oft-voiced solution for Iraq—pull the American troops out of all areas except for guarding the oil fields, pipelines and oil port facilities. Use the oil for America’s benefit only—like paying off the cost of the two Gulf Wars. Let the three peoples live in peace, if they can, or fight it out, if they cannot. We should not get in the way of a family feud. 



SOME ELEMENTS OF THE REPUBLICAN BELIEF SYSTEM
From the Internet

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.



NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.

Not everyone named Diogenes, like the editor of this report, brings light to the world. As noted in the Police Blotter of July 15, Diogenes Andujar of Stamford was arrested for failure to appear in court and for possession of a hallucinogen and a controlled substance. Some individuals even though they bear the revered name Diogenes are intent on spreading darkness.

From the Stamford, CT Police Blotter: she was charged with second-degree breach of peace and interfering with a police officer. Her name is Yasheika Battle. Obviously, a name that fits.



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Priest Accused Of Bilking Woman Of $490K
The “independent contractors” are expanding their business model.

Priest Asked To Quit Over Missing Cash
The Church never asked the pedophile priests to quit. I guess pedophilia whispers 
while money talks.

Blackout Hits Athens
Are the Greek utility workers making this a drug Olympics even before 
The Olympians arrive?

U. S.: Sunnis Leading Insurgency Far Larger Than 5,000
Will we stop introducing democracy when the insurgency reaches 50,000?

In Landmark Ruling, High Court Says Israel Must Reroute Its Security Fence
Sharon should say to the Chief Justice of Israel’s Supreme Court what Andrew Jackson said to Chief Justice John Marshall, “You made your ruling, now you enforce it.”

Study Finds Film Ratings Are Growing More Lenient
No shit, where did they come up with that f ***ing idea?

Woman Says Fertility Doctor Used Wrong Sperm
Next question, what tool did he use to inject the sperm?

Contractor Charged With Cheating School Systems
Did he copy off the principals’ test papers?

Morocco Has Up To 1,000 al-Qaida Supporters
1. There goes another “moderate” Arab country.
2. They’re off on the Road from Morocco. (Apologies to Bob Hope 
and Bing Crosby.)

In Chaos, Palestinians Struggle For A Way Out
Their Arab brothers in Egypt, Jordan and Lebanon have never willing 
to give them a way out.

Sharon Invites His Favorite Dove To Help Build A Coalition
Sharon should be less concerned with that useless pigeon than with 
driving away the Arab vultures that are circling Israel. 

Medicare Law Is Seen Leading To Cuts In Drug Benefits For Retirees
The money that the Bush Administration takes out of Medicare will go to provide drug benefits for retirees in Iraq. Don’t you want the Iraqis to appreciate the benefits of democracy?

In Bush’s War Room The Gloves Are Always Off
Aren’t they afraid of catching AIDS?

Soaring Oil Prices, But No Boom In Houston
But there are lots of booms along the oil pipelines in Iraq.

Iraq Militants Said To Behead Truck Driver From Bulgaria
The Arabs always take things to extremes. The old Russian folk saying is, “If you see a Bulgarian in the street, pick up a stick and beat him. You may not know why, but he will.” Leave it to the Arabs to overdo it.

Yad Vashem Calls For Immediate Action In Darfur
We’re still waiting for calls from the Reverends Jesse and Al and Cynthia Mc Kinney!

GE Seeking Law To End U.S. Tax On Overseas Income
Way to go! I want a law that will end the tax on my domestic income.

Mandela Celebrates 86th Birthday
He sends greetings to Martha Stewart who recognized him as a fellow jailbird.

House Rejects Cut In Military Aid To Egypt
With Colon Bowel blathering about this supposed ally and the military contractors working behind the scenes, the next Middle East war is being brought ever closer.

Whaling Conference Oks New Killing Methods
So what do we do? Harpoon the whalers or hang them from the yardarm?

Home Milk Delivery Making A Comeback
Can we expect an upsurge in the birthrate?

Henry Blodgett Is Thinking About Selling His Insights On Business (photo caption)
Which ones: cheating, stealing or lying?

Army To Call Up Recruits Earlier
Oh how I hate to get up in the morning….

Head Of Kidnapped American Is Discovered In Saudi Arabia
At least his head wasn’t up his ass like the heads of the Saudi royal family.

Sale Of Investments To GI’s Under Scrutiny In Washington.
I didn’t realize Bernie Cornfeld is still active.

Judge Rejects Arrest Of Ex-Mexican President
The news report said that the judge did not give any reason for his ruling. I can give a million reasons—not in pesos but in dollars. This is one practical judge

Police Chief Says Temple Mount Faithful Can Enter Temple Mount
How novel. It takes a Policeman Gadol to give Jews permission to go to the Mount where their temples stood. No wonder Israel is so screwed up.

IDF: Hezbollah May Have Rockets That Reach Tel Aviv
Another Yom Kippur War in the wings?



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

Hire Americans with disabilities: vote for George W. Bush.
     - Diogenes

I don’t watch al Jazeera. I watch the Fox News Channel so I can keep up with the Laci Peterson trial.
     - Osama bin Ladin

The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
     - Joe Theismann, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. 
     - Fran Lebowitz

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
     - Jane Wagner

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
     - Anonymous

Sad! Very, very sad.................... 
THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD. 
Right now, as you read this, 17 Million Americans  are having SEX! 
And you're on the computer!
     - Anonymous

Don’t forget to provide air cover for the Bay of Pigs.
      - Recently discovered JFK note in the pocket of a shirt that the family donated to Goodwill

I’m a dancer, not a singer.
     - Choreographer Bella Lewitzky when asked about possible communist activities in the art world by the House Un-American Activities Committee

When referring to “occupied territories” in the land of Israel, politicians and the media have the wrong perspective. It’s the Arabs that are occupying the land of the Jews.
       - Diogenes

Question for Dick Cheney: If anything happened to you while serving a second term, would George Bush be fit to be president?
        - Andy Borowitz

Question for Dick Cheney: Here’s something I’ve always wondered: Does the other side of your mouth work?
       - Andy Borowitz

Advisor: Good news, Sire, the royal hens got into an illegal marijuana patch.
King: Why is that good news?
Advisor: Now you can promise everyone some “pot in every chicken”!
      - WIZARD OF ID (comic strip)

I moved to New York City for my health. I’m paranoid and it was the only place where my fears were justified.
     - Anita Weiss

Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.
     - Anna Freud

There is no tyranny so despotic as that of public opinion among a free people.
     - Donn Piatt

Most men make the voyage of life as if they carried sealed orders which they were not to open till they were fairly in mid-ocean.
      - James Russell Lowell

We have met the enemy, and they are ours.
     - Oliver H. Perry

We have met the enemy, and they are us.
     - POGO (comic strip)

An honest man speaks truth, though it may give offence; a vain man, in order that it may.
     - William Hazlitt

Success causes us to be more praised than known.
     - Joseph Roux

Romance, like a ghost, eludes touching. It is always where you were, not where you are. The interview or the conversation was prose at the time, but it is poetry in memory.
     - George William Curtis


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