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THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
August 2004, VOL. IV, # 25
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ANOTHER RUSH TO JUDGMENT
After first denying (lying?) that a number of Saudis including members of Osama bin Laden’s family were allowed to leave the U. S. on the day after 9/11 when no private or commercial planes were allowed to fly, the Bush Administration admitted that the story was true. After hearing a comment from the 9/11 Commission that the White House and the FBI said that none of those that were given permission to leave had any connection to 9/11, my horseshit detectors started beeping incessantly.
The same people that approved the clearance of the Saudis, including George W. Bush, were unable to recognize a terrorist even with years of terrorist activity surrounding them. How would they be able to separate a non-terrorist from terrorist in less than 24 hours? Our government gave these Arabs—the friends of the Administration-- a free pass out of the country at a time of a dire emergency. What’s the correct word to describe this: malfeasance, misfeasance, stupidity, disloyalty, treachery, perfidy or treason? And the 9/11 Commission claims that the “free pass” was justified. Who will judge the Commission?
It looks like another “non-partisan”—or should we say “safe non-partisans” commission that can be depended upon not to dig too deeply into the web of connections between the politicians in Washington, the oilmen in Texas and the jihadists in Saudi Arabia. That means that we can expect to be blind-sided again and again by our sand-digger friends.
KERRY SEEMS TO BE REMOVING THE STRAWS FROM THE CAMEL’S BACK
I wrote in my last issue that at least one of George W. Bush’s domestic policies are encouraging me to consider a vote for Kerry. I am appalled by the Administration’s trying to prevent people from suing the drug companies. But when I read the names of the Peace Now and Arabist gang or should I say gangsters who are shaping Kerry’s Middle East policies and who he is considering appointing if he is elected, the straws that were breaking the back of the Bush camel are being swept away.
Let’s start with that mealy-mouthed loser, Jimmy Carter who loves Arafat and the Palestinian Arabs with a passion. He is the ‘expert” on the Middle East who was a bumbling fool when he was President. He couldn’t control inflation and he couldn’t free our prisoners in Iran. While he was out of his element in the White House, he did find a suitable place in Home Depot. The fact that he was allowed to speak at the Democratic convention is a Kerry negative. The Democrats would be on firmer ground Middle Eastern ground if they just let Jimmy do the carpentry work instead of working on policy. Jimmy “the redneck in a white collar” is still pushing the disastrous “Geneva Accords.”
I have commented previously on the role of Peace Now Sandy Berger in the Kerry inner circle. Other enemies of Israel masquerading as friends are former Middle East ambassadors, Dennis “The Menace” Ross and Martin “The Turkey” Indyk. Another prominent Clintonian whose name has surfaced as one of Kerry’s advisors is Madeleine “I ain’t no Jew” Albright. Losers all! One of Kerry’s key moneymen is another Peace Now type by name of Alan Solomont. He comes from a good family but I wonder where he went wrong.
Another big name from the Clinton Administration who is a leading candidate to lead a foreign policy team under Kerry is former assistant secretary of state Richard Holbrooke. I don’t know much about him except that he led U.S. efforts to bring peace to Bosnia. What I do know, that it’s now 10 years later and UN and U.S. troops are still there to keep the peace. I don’t consider that a very successful peace mission.
INDOMITABLE JEWS
I attended a picnic of Holocaust survivors. The word Holocaust conjures up so many tragic, hurtful and evil images, yet this was a happy occasion. Of course, 60 years have passed since that horrific time but many physical and emotional scars remain—one of survivors showed me the number that the Germans burnt into his flesh and a woman remonstrated with another picnicker who was driving a Mercedes. Undoubtedly, many more scars are hidden.
I am not interested in reviewing what these people went through in Europe, but rather, what these people accomplished in the United States and elsewhere. A great many came here alone or with, perhaps, a few surviving members of their families. For the most part, they did not speak English and had little understanding of American society. Many were not more than teenagers who had been denied the benefits of a normal education.
But they threw themselves into the American economic and cultural environment—sometimes with the help of relatives and local Jewish communities. They were determined to create new lives for themselves by studying, working and rebuilding their decimated families. They did not spend time bewailing their fate or clogging the welfare rolls—but who could have blamed them if they did?
They did whatever they had to do with the opportunities America gave them—the former factory owner became a factory worker and the worker became an entrepreneur. For the most part they prospered and raised a generation of well-educated achievers. They and their children became leaders in business, the professions and entertainment. They contributed to the Jewish community and to the general community. And they contributed not only to the United States, but also to every nation they settled in from Europe to Latin America to Israel.
From the ashes of the death camps and the killing fields across Europe, the Jews rose and once again showed their indomitable spirit.
IT’S GREAT TO HAVE A PRESIDENT WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR
ABOUT WHOM WE CAN LAUGH
(from the Internet)
"A new poll says that if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat President Bush by a double digit margin. The White House is so worried about this, they're now thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden to next month."
- Jay Leno
President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishments in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot."
- Jay Leno
"President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'"
- Jay Leno
"Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162. That's the total number of delegates he needs to win the Democratic nomination. See, for President Bush it's different. His magic number is only 5. That's the number of Supreme Court judges needed to win."
- Jay Leno
"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House wall and was arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into The White House unlawfully since President Bush."
- David Letterman
"The White House is now backtracking from its prediction that 2.6 million new jobs will be created in the U.S. this year. They say they were off, by roughly 2.6 million jobs."
- Jay Leno
"In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part: nobody remembers seeing him there."
-Craig Kilborn
"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges."
- Jay Leno
"There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots."
- David Letterman
"The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy.'"
- Jay Leno
"On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, 'Duh, you mean like last time?'"
- Jay Leno
"A few weeks ago, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark were making campaign appearance with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile, President Bush was campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him."
- Conan O'Brien
"President Bush released his new $2.4 trillion federal budget. It has two parts: smoke and mirrors."
- Jay Leno
"Bush admitted that his pre-war intelligence wasn't what it should have been. We knew that when we elected him!"
- Jay Leno
"As you know President Bush gave his State of the Union Address, interrupted 70 times by applause and 45 times by really big words."
- Jay Leno
"President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the skills they're going to need are Spanish, Chinese, and Korean, because that's where the jobs went."
- Jay Leno
"President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's drinking again."
- David Letterman
"The new Prime Minister of Spain has called the war in Iraq a disaster, and brought his troops home. In fact, President Bush was so upset at Spain that he threatened to close down the border between Spain and the US."
-Jay Leno
"The U.S. Army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said, 'Yes.' '
-Conan O'Brien
"Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said. 'He met with unnamed people, from unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time, at an undisclosed location.' Thank God he cleared that up."
- Jay Leno
"Plans are being discussed as to who will replace Dick Cheney if he has to resign for health reasons. It's not easy for President Bush. He can't just name a replacement. He would first have to be confirmed by the oil, gas and power companies."
- Jay Leno
"President Bush spoke briefly to reporters before playing a round of golf in Crawford, Texas, earlier today. This raises the question: Shouldn't the guy who is really running the country and who has had like 20 heart attacks be taking the vacation?"
- Craig Kilborn
"The White House has now released military documents they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election."
- Jay Leno
HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.
Baghdad Mayor: Tear Down Those Walls
Bush Administration: Those walls are necessary for security—except the one in Israel.
Arafat Says Israel Causes Cancer Among Arabs
What a people! Not only do we control the media and the banks, but we can give cancer to Arabs and AIDS to African Americans.
Israel Responsible For Mosquitoes In Gaza
At last! A charge by an Arab mayor that makes sense, but is he aware that there are nine more plagues to come?
Jeopardy! Winning Streak Continues
Is he a very smart guy or is this another quiz show scandal in the making?
Pentagon Releases Bush’s Guard Records
So the records show that he didn’t show. What is the Pentagon trying to do, smear this President?
The Arafat Problem (New York Times editorial headline)
Try to picture who wrote the following: “Yasir Arafat has failed to make the transition from romantic revolutionary to statesman.” Arafat could be a “romantic revolutionary only to a desperate spinster, a superannuated homosexual or an unreconstructed Leninist.
A Possible Threat To N.Y.’s Minor Parties Arises
Dearth of supporters?
Nader Urges State Backers To Get Him On Conn. Ballot
His supporters must know some members of the Supreme Court.
Muslim Charity Accused Of Dealing With Terrorists
Wow! It has taken only three years for our government to start waking up. Wow!
Freed Egyptian Thinks Remorse Turned Captors
Really, I thought that Arabic did not have a word for “remorse.”
Arafat Agrees With premier On Ending Their Standoff
They pledged to pursue limited reforms. Limited to those that Arafat accepts.
Republicans Challenge Kerry’s Viet Nam Film
The Dems won’t challenge the films of Dick Cheney telling his draft board that he has more important priorities than Viet Nam and George W. Bush’s showing him holed-up in a barroom when he was supposed to be on duty with the Air National Guard. Let ‘em roll!!!
Egyptians Question Powell On Mideast Reform
I thought the Arabs were supposed to reform, not Powell
4 Detainees Are Returned To France After 2 Years In Guantanamo
Can we expect a parade in their honor down the Champs-Elysees?
Plan Would Slash What Medicare Pays For Cancer Drugs
The cancer patients and their families will understand. We need the money to rebuild Iraq.
Audit: U. S. Didn’t Keep Tack Of Reconstruction Spending
Don’t sweat it. It was only $1 Billion. The American taxpayers have plenty more.
By Accident, Utah Is Proving An Ideal Genetic Laboratory
Is the lab at Frigham Young University?
President Arafat Calls For Self- Restrain As His Men Attack Palestinians
Let this be a lesson to Dick Cheney. It’s possible to talk out of both sides of your mouth.
70 Are Killed By Car Bombing In Iraqi City
I guess fewer Arabs are cheering car bombings in Iraq than they did in Israel.
North Korea Seems To Reject Butter-For-Guns Proposal From U.S.
Maybe we should offer they margarine or cream cheese.
Puerto Rico’s Election Has Extra Dose Of Drama
1. All of the voting machines have been stolen.
2. No voters showed up.
QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever, not that he necessarily agrees with them.
When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
- Anonymous
There is no such thing as straight men with visible abdominal muscles.
- Margaret Cho
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’ s a whole different way of thinking.
- Elayne Boosler
Pity is not enough better than indifference to benefit materially either agent or recipient.
- Charles H. Parkhurst
The greatest part of mankind has no other reason for their opinions than that they are in fashion.
- Samuel Johnson
From the Mind of Stephen Wright
- I had amnesia once -- maybe twice.
- Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- They told me I was gullible.... and I believed them.
- Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- One nice thing about egotists... they don't talk about other people.
- What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
- The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
- Is there another word for synonym?
- The speed of time is one second per second.
- Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
- Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
READERS’ COMMENTS
Re: Vol. IV, #24—“That Richard Strauss was a Jew would be news to more than a few!”
Diogenes asks: “How do you know he wasn't?”
Reader responds: “Obviously, I don’t, but it is well known that he was protecting a Jewish daughter-in-law or son-in-law, which would have taken extraordinary chutzpah for a Jew.”
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This is the last email I received from you, on May 10. Please put me back on the list -- my funny bone is atrophying.
So says Diogenes. What do you say?
Click here to send in your comments
Comments welcome. e-mail to:
editor@diogenesreport.com
All issues of The Diogenes Report are on the website --
www.diogenesreport.com
So says Diogenes. What do you say?
Click here to send in your comments
Comments welcome. e-mail to:
editor@diogenesreport.com
All issues of The Diogenes Report are on the website --
www.diogenesreport.com
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