THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
February 2005, VOL. V, #3
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(Please note that Diogenes will be taking a short vacation. You are mistaken if you think he has been on vacation.)

*****ANOTHER MILESTONE: THIS IS THE 150TH ISSUE

         OF THIS WORLD-RENOWNED NEWSLETTER*****

RED-STATE, BLUE-STATE, JEW-STATE CONSPIRACY

“Israel has abandoned me, but I have not abandoned Israel. No one can damage my love for the Land of Israel.” These are the words of Jonathan Pollard, the Prisoner of Zion who has languished for over 19 years in an American prison—longer than anyone ever charged with a similar crime. And there is a venomous conspiracy to keep him buried. Complicit in this conspiracy are the red-state-Republicans, the blue-state-Democrats and worst of all the Jew-state Israeli leaders, not to overlook the Jewish “leaders” in the U.S.A.

While Jonathan loves Israel, Israel and its “friends” do not love Jonathan.

No leaders of the Republican or Democratic parties have stood up to voice outrage at this monstrous injustice to Jonathan Pollard or to the American legal system. But why should they when most American Jewish organizations and the so-called, self-appointed Jewish “leaders” cringe in silence whenever the cause for Pollard’s freedom is raised.

But the worst offenders are America’s lackeys who lead Israel. Sharon, Barak, Netanyahu, Peres and whoever preceded them, never really raised the issue of Pollard with an American president. As a matter of record, it took years for the Israelis to admit that Pollard served as their agent. While they were excruciatingly slow to recognize Pollard’s sacrifice, they were quick to reward his “handler.”

Recently, the Israeli committee that gives “official sanction” to Prisoners of Zion refused to recognize Pollard as such a prisoner. And even that world renowned Prisoner of Zion, Natan Sharansky was accused by Pollard of playing a duplicitous role as the cabinet minister in charge of the Pollard case. (If you’re interested in Pollard’s comments about Sharansky, let me know and I will e-mail you a copy of his letter to Sharansky.)

Jewish law makes a big issue of rescuing prisoners. But, it seems that the Israeli “leaders” and the American Jewish “leaders” were absent from Hebrew school on the day this subject was taught.

Jonathan Pollard has been in jail—under harsh confinement—far, far longer than any American in our history for the type of crime he committed. His harsh sentence was given based on the word of a well-known Arab lover and hater of Israel, Casper Weinberger, a man who spent a lifetime trying to escape from his Jewish roots.

What can we do to bring justice to Jonathan Pollard? E-mail the President, and your representatives in the House and Senate requesting a pardon for Jonathan. Even try e-mailing the leaders of the major Jewish organization, as well as local Jewish organizations. Maybe they’ll come out of their bomb shelters long enough to read your e-mails.

It may be a hopeless task. The Americans and the Israeli Government and its left wing supporters are more intent on releasing Arab terrorists from prison than even giving thought to Jonathan Pollard, the Prisoner of Zion. America’s Jewish leaders are fearful.

But we must keep trying to free Jonathan—justice, morality and our religion demand it!



NO TICKEE, NO SHIRTEE

Once upon a time, you had to produce evidence of ownership to pick up your laundry. Simple and straightforward. We respected that slogan of the Chinese laundryman. Today, China takes some of our products at will, without providing evidence of ownership. I‘m referring, of course, to intellectual property. China, despite its growing wealth chooses not to pay for the copyrighted music, literature, movies, TV programs, as well as for a broad range of patented products, particularly pharmaceuticals. China is not the only culprit but probably the most capable of paying.

America’s trade representatives have been negotiating for years to bring China into compliance with accepted copyright and patent regulations, but to no avail. Negotiating with the Chinese is like trying to pick a blob of mercury off the floor with your fingers. Perhaps it would pay to put some real economic pressure on China. This may be possible but very far from easy since an overwhelming number of American businessmen have sold out their country’s national interests to the lowest bidder. 

Pressuring China

However, for that very reason we may be able to put some real economic pressure on China since America (or Wal-Mart) is probably its biggest trading partner. Here, we need the cooperation of our government. Again, not a very willing partner in practice but an outside possibility with some pressure from the copyright and patent owners and labor unions. 

We should use the tried and true technique of holding up containers from China while inspectors meticulously go through every container. While these inspections are taking place, the shelves of Wal-Mart and other retailers may become bare. The retailers and their American suppliers whose products are produced in China could, very well decide, that it makes sense to bring some manufacturing back to the U.S.A. 

Exporting U.S. unemployment to China

Although the American consumer would be hurt some by this approach, China would be hurting a lot more. Containers destined for America would pile up on Chinese docks and Chinese workers would be laid off. And there is an opinion among some analysts that the economic boom in China carries with it a great deal of potential turmoil among the population. Unemployment in the cities could spark unrest, which should not be considered all that bad for America.

China should be looked at as an American trading partner—not as a friend. In my opinion, as China grows stronger they will become America’s leading adversary in the battle for world leadership. Any excuse and technique short of war should be used to delay of what may be considered the capability of China to exercise world dominance. 



PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE

President Bush and Don Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims this time and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Muslims".



A SUBMARINER’S EPIPHANY

An old Submarine Sailor walked into a bar, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the Submariner saw his dolphins and asked, "Are you a real Submariner?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, riding boats. Snorkeling, deep dives, Diesel Boats, Nuclear Power, Med Runs, Arctic Runs, SPECOPS, WESTPACs, Runs to the Caribbean, Holy Loch, Rota, Guam, 2 day runs, 6 month deployments, been through the ditch, and up to the pole, Pearl, La Madd, Fort Lauderdale, San Juan, tracking ruskies, dodging P-3s, been depth charged, torpedoed, tracked with Active Sonar, detected by SOSUS, built them, decommissioned them, overhauled them, re-commissioned them, been a Blue Nose, a Shellback, Blown from test depth, gone emergency deep, rode Tridents, 688s, 637s, 594's, Skipjack class, drug runs, liquor runs, crazy Ivans, been in trail, used a steinke hood, been through the tower, dodged Russian air power, fought flooding, fires, reactor scrams, stood watch on the BCP, SCP, and ECP so I guess I am a Submariner.

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old Submariner looked at his dolphins and asked, "Are you a real Submariner?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Israel To Stop Ruining Homes Of Terrorists
This “goodwill” gesture sounds like the IDF is turning into the Salvation Army.

The Way To Move Iraq Forward
I expected that this op-ed column by Kofi Annan would recommend the return of the Food for Oil program. After all, it was very profitable for his family and co-workers.

F.D.A. Is Advised to Let Pain Pills Stay on Market
That George W. Bush is Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant!. Together with the F.D.A., he has come up with a way to solve the Social Security crisis. The Feds re-approved the drugs that give seniors heart attacks. Before you can say personal accounts, seniors will start dropping like flies and hardly anyone will be around to collect Social Security. Soon the proverbial two workers will only be supporting ½ a retiree and by the time all of the baby boomers retire (that is those that are not cut down by Vioxx, Celebrex and Bextra) two contributors to Social Security will only have to support 1/25 of a retiree.

Rowland Lawyers Seek Support For Leniency
Why not? When he was Governor he interpreted the conflict-of-interest laws very leniently.

Man Accused Of Kidnapping Asks For New Defender
He wants a black lawyer. Will he settle for a white Harvard Law School grad who uses burnt cork?

Man Gets 15 Years For Sexual Assault
He is an “undocumented” alien who will have lots of documents by the time he gets out of the slammer.

Priest Gets 2 Years Of Probation In Harassment Case
I wonder if he was the guy who was told on arrest that he was allowed one phone call, dialed a number and in a breathy voice said, “Hello Barbara, what are you wearing?”

Ethics Reform Gets Mixed Response At Hearing
One participant said, “If I can’t take bribes, I ain’t gonna run for mayor.” Hey, it’s Connecticut!

Iraqis Celebrate Vote In Maryland
Why not, while they might get mugged on the way to the polls, it’s much safer than Iraq.

Gillette’s Creativity Drove Deal
P & G’s executives should be wary that Gillette’s management doesn’t slit their throats with Gillette’s best-known creative product.

Another Clock Is Ticking At Delta Airlines
I’ll bet it’s not the clock of on-time departures and arrivals.

Indonesia Offering ‘Olive Branch’ To Rebels
Ah: the old poison olive branch ploy.

McDonald’s Makes Ronald A Health Ambassador
What next: Osama makes Zarkawi a peace ambassador?

Palestinians Fear East Jerusalem Land Grab
They have nothing to fear, Sharon is Prime Minister and Peres is his assistant.

Researchers: Syphilis Rate Rise Due To Natural Cycle
So what’s the prognosis? Let nature take its course?

For Many Killed On A Dark Day In Iraq, The Future Was Bright, And Near
Muslim heaven?

Indian Affairs Head To Leave For Private Sector
Maybe he’ll open a white casino on an Indian reservation.

North Korea Declares War On Long Hair
Looks like the North Korean Ladies will have to shave their armpits more closely.

Ex-Cop Charged With Stealing $100K In Shoes
Well, well—Senor Imelda Marcos.

Abu Mazen To Visit Iran Before Summit
Now that the resident Arabs in the land of Israel have a new leader, the international funds contributed for the welfare of the resident Arabs will have to go to a safety deposit box in Switzerland with a new number.

Mr. Bush's Two Big Ideas
1. Make Iraq safe for Social Security. 
2. Protect the doctors and the corporations against those big, bad citizens.

President Stumps For Social Security Personal Accounts
He’ll even give you the names of a couple of good stockbrokers.

Georgian Prime Minister Dies In Apparent Gas Leak
It’s the old KGB gas leak ploy. They often use it when dioxin doesn’t work.

Military Plans A Delayed Test For Mental Issues
This delayed test is for enlistees, the planners in the Pentagon already have failed the test.

C.I.A. Said To Rebuff Congress On Nazi Files
What files? There are no Nazis and there is no Taliban and there is no Osama bin Laden. So there!

IRA Withdraws Offer To Disarm, Denies Crime
Back to the old peace process table.

Under Pressure, Qatar May Sell Al Jazeera
I hear CNN is in the market to buy.

Going To Prison Is A Good Career Move For Martha Stewart
It works for athletes and rappers.

Independent Agency Needed To Monitor The Safety Of Drugs
What means “independent?”

The Wrong Changes For The CIA
Surprise, Surprise!

Rapid Rise And Fall For Clinics That Market Scans To Patients
Clinics that market scams are still doing well.

‘Good Samaritan’ Charged In Norwalk Carjacking
Despite what it says in the Christian bible there is no such thing as a good Samaritan.

Abbas, Hamas On Common Ground
1. I would rather see them under common ground.
2. Their names rhyme
Like partners in crime,
One talks the peace talk
The other does the terror walk,
Good Arab, bad Arab is only a ploy,
Whichever you pick will bring you no joy.

Rwanda’s Tormentors Continue To Haunt Congo
The perpetrators of the genocide against the Tutsis are hiding in the Congo. If things get too hot for them will the Vatican sneak them in to South America?

Abu Mazen Orders Execution Of Arabs Accused Of Helping Israel
Based on this, you can be sure that he won’t do anything to help Israel.

Dalia Rabin: Take Away Gaza Jews’ Guns
And turn them over to the Arabs like they did the last time peace was declared?

Irish Horse Fails Drug Test
I didn’t know that they tested horses for alcohol.


QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever and/or informative, 
not that he necessarily agrees with them.

Trying to make the world safe for anything is dangerous.
- Marc Malloch

Fat Broad: How was your date with the comedian?
Cute Chick: Terrible. He was a laugh a minute.
Fat Broad: What was so bad about that?
Cute Chick: The other 59 minutes.
- B.C. (comic strip)

Sidney Poitier won an Academy Award for his convincing portrayal of a Negro.
- Dick Davy

Bar Patron: I’m Joe Clay, Ph.D., and this is Ted Simms, CPA.
Cosmo: Nice to meet you….I’m Cosmo Fishhawk, XXL.
- SHOE (comic strip)

The main reason we have kids is so that they can keep us abreast of the latest technology.
- Jessica Horowitz

Many lap-dog directors need to be replaced with junkyard dogs.
- Hugh C. Willard

It was incredible; I saw a guy driving a car and he was not talking on a cell phone.
- Diogenes

To celebrate Black History Month, Arabs in the Sudan freed 10 of their black slaves.
- Diogenes

Roz: So, Loon…where did you go to college?
Loon: I didn’t.
Roz: What stopped you?
Loon: High school.
- SHOE (comic strip)

Personally I’m always ready to learn’ although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Advice to merger and acquisition specialists and the corporate managements they work for: always search for the cancer and when you find it, recognize that you have as much chance of curing it as an M.D. does.
- Diogenes

Sentry in Watchtower: 11 o’clock and time for the news…assault charges made…and dealer arrested in drug bust…and that’s just sports.
- WIZARD OF ID (comic strip)

I think the French are still pissed off at us for the Louisiana Purchase and for saving their collective asses during both World Wars.
- Diogenes

If America ever passes out as a great nation, we ought to put on out tombstone: America died from a delusion she had Moral leadership. Say we had any morals, we would use ‘em ourselves.
- Will Rogers

Cosmo: Biz just went over to Harlan’s wake.
Shoe: Already? That’s not until two. What’s his hurry?
Cosmo: He must be an eager bereaver.
- SHOE (COMIC STRIP)

Ronald Reagan doesn’t dye his hair—he’s just prematurely orange.
- Gerald Ford



READERS’ COMMENTS

You've been quiet too long. Good to see you back on the air. However, in your headlines: "(Israeli) Police "Cracking Down" On Disengagement Opponents
Are the cops wearing brown shirts or black shirts?"

If the disengagement opponents are calling for the assassination of Sharon, like some disengagement opponents I know, who might be Fascistic? Don't debase history with the banalization of such loaded words.
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Agree with your comments on the AIPAC incident. The shame of it all is that Lesley Stahl is a nice Jewish girl who comes from Lynn, MA. One of my cousins knows her. In fact, Stahl's grandparents were members of my grandfather's orthodox shul. She should have been called to task in this instance. Hope all is well with you.
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Good to be "back in the saddle again." Enjoyed it all, especially word addicts, to which I add the following: CAMELOT: What JFK was good at doing!


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