THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
June 2005, VOL. V, #7
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THEY JUST BREED THEM, THEY DON’T FEED THEM

The job of a national leader is to take care of his country’s people. In most of Latin America, particularly Mexico, the mantra of the leaders is “That is not my job.” Their job—although-- they don’t publicly admit it—is to feather the nests and protect the wealthy. If they are not themselves already wealthy, they become so while holding public office. So we know what their job really is. 

Basically, what the Latin American leadership is saying to the U.S. is “We breed them, you feed them.” I say that it’s time for us to upset the applecart in Latin America. Many of those countries are crying for a revolution which, may, or may not, improve the situation of their citizens—but let’s make it their problem and not our problem.

We should collect the illegal aliens, provide each of them with a week’s supply of food, and return them to their countries of origin. The revolutions within those countries will not take long to erupt. Perhaps then, leaders will be chosen who will want to care for their people. The people of Latin America and the Caribbean have a right to expect a decent life in their own countries—a number of which such as Mexico, Bolivia and Venezuela are rich in natural resources.

It also may be time to track down the illegals from other parts of the world and send them home as well.

Perhaps then, we will be able to establish an orderly immigration process.



THE “CONCEPT”

There once was a director of military intelligence in Israel who developed a “concept” to serve as a guide for the nation’s security. His concept was that Israel’s Arab neighbors would not dare go to war unless they believed they could defeat the Jewish state. And, as everyone recalled the frightful beating that Israel delivered to Egypt, Syria and Jordan during the Six Day War, the Arabs were not crazy enough to believe that they could defeat Israel. At least, that thinking was the basis of the military intelligence director’s “concept.”

The Arabs, however, had a far different concept. They prepared for war with the unstinting help of Russia. While obtaining the most advanced weapons in the Russian arsenal, they launched an artful campaign of years of disinformation. Stories were spread in the world media about the inability of Arab soldiers to handle modern weapons, as well as the internal problems in Egypt and Syria that precluded any serious war effort. But their war planning and preparations went on apace.

But not everyone in the intelligence services or the government agreed with the “concept” of the director of military intelligence. But with his powerful personality and the position he held he was able to stifle the doubts of the disbelievers. During the entire period information was pouring in to the intelligence services about the Egyptian and Syrian preparations for, and the imminence of, a conflict. The information came from Israeli spies in the Arab countries, from American satellite photos, from European officials, and from IDF intelligence and military officers on the front lines along the Suez Canal. Unfortunately, the director of military intelligence ignored all information that did not fit into his “concept.”

He had always promised the army and the government that he would provide a 24-hour warning before an attack was launched by the Arabs. As a result of his being wedded to the “concept,” Israel was unprepared. Israel was almost destroyed and its casualties were horrendous. So much for a “concept.” Of course, the director of military intelligence was sacked after the Yom Kippur War but the physical and psychological damage that he was responsible for haunts Israel to the present day.

Today, another former general is enamored of a “concept.” This time the “concept” is to turn Israeli land over to the Arabs and that will “normalize” them into peaceful neighbors. This “concept” makes as much sense as the one that preceded the Yom Kippur War. And just as a stream of negative information was ignored at that time, information denying the validity of the current “concept” is being ignored. The IDF and the intelligence services say that the level of Arab violence will increase after Jewish communities are uprooted. As a matter of record, a high level of Arab violence has continued while the former general has been acting to carry out his “concept,” but he refuses to acknowledge anything that puts the lie to his “concept.”

He is so wedded to his “concept” that while the Egyptians are pouring arms into Gaza, he plans to let the Egyptians monitor the border so that the arms smuggling stops. The “concept” has blinded him to situations that he must surely be aware of—like no arms can be smuggled without Egyptian connivance. When you are wedded to a “concept” it makes sense to let the fox guard the henhouse—even though it makes no sense.

Now the Egyptians say that they will not serve as guardians of the Sinai/Gaza border to do police work for the Israelis. The former general has yet to be heard from. But, I have no doubt that he will continue to steamroller his “concept” over all of the objections from the Israeli public. Objections continue to grow as the latest pubic opinion poll shows that over 50% of Israelis object to the uprooting of Jewish communities in Gaza, Judea and Samaria.

Application of the current “concept” will cost Israel dearly as did the previous “concept”
but Israel will prevail and the current former general will go down in infamy as did the previous one. 



NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.

As my regular readers know, The Diogenes Report often carries a segment under the above heading. It contains surnames related to people’s occupations or activities. The following column, which ran in The New York Times on March 27, 2005, may tell you more about this name collecting hobby than you want to know.

NOMEN ET OMEN 

Ms. Rose, by Any Other Name, Might Still Be a Florist
By SAM ROBERTS 

GUESS what Dilip Doctor does for a living? (Hint: His receptionist answers the phone, "Doctor's office.")

"Back home in India, we had a different last name that began with a Z and in school I would always be called on last," Dr. Doctor, a Queens urologist, recalled. "One day I was complaining to my teacher and he said because my father and mother were both physicians, Why not call yourself Doctor? That was 40 years ago. And then I figured if they called me doctor, I might as well become one."

The Romans called this phenomenon nomen et omen, roughly, names are prophetic. Today's students of onomastics, as the study of names is called, describe it as "nominative determinism." Apt names were dubbed aptronyms by the columnist Franklin P. Adams. Once you start collecting them, you can't stop. 

Think of baseball's Cecil Fielder and Rollie Fingers, the news executive Bill Headline, the artist Rembrandt Peale, the poet William Wordsworth, the pathologist (not gynecologist) Zoltan Ovary, the novelist Francine Prose, the poker champion Chris Moneymaker, the musicians Paul Horn and Mickey Bass, the TV weatherman Storm Field, Judge Wisdom, the spokesman Larry Speakes, the dancer Benjamin Millepied, the opera singer Peter Schreier, the British neurologist Lord Brain, the entertainer Tommy Tune, the CBS Television ratings maven David Poltrack.

Think, too, of all those fictional characters and the real-life doctors and dentists named Payne, Blank the anesthesiologist, Kramp the swim coach, Blechman the gastroenterologist, Faircloth the fashion designer, Goodness the church spokesman, Slaughter the murderer and the funeral director named Amigone. 

"I once had a doctor named Gore," recalls Anne Bernays who, with her husband, Justin Kaplan, wrote "The Language of Names." 

Originally, professions were one way of establishing surnames (the most common American surname is Smith, of whom there are more than a million, far more than the number of blacksmiths). Other aptronyms are nicknames and surnames that were legally changed retroactively. Then there are the names of people who succeeded in their professions despite what might be called their an-aptronyms: Dr. Kwak, Judge Lawless or Orson Swindle, a member of the Federal Trade Commission. Long before Armand Hammer bought Arm & Hammer, the baking soda company, many people assumed he owned it. 

What stumps many students of onomastics is the extent to which names become self-fulfilling. After all, Newton Minow did not become an ichthyologist. Paul Bunyan wasn't a podiatrist. Are there a disproportionate number of people named Doctor among medical professionals?

"Some people think I'm a bird specialist, which I'm not," said Dr. Meredith Bird, a Rhode Island veterinarian, who added that she doubted that her name influenced her career choice. "I loved animals since I was a little kid. But I was forever grateful my mother didn't name me Robin." 

Others believe names truly are destiny.

"Names and 'life script,' researchers say, are not merely coincidental but, indeed, causative in considerable measure," Prof. Ralph Slovenko of Wayne State University Law School has written. "Dr. Robert E. Strange, director of the Northern Virginia Mental Health Institute, tells people that he had no choice but to be a psychiatrist." 

David J. Lawyer, who practices in Bellevue, Wash., says: "My routine answer on most days is I do not know why I became a lawyer. But I do know of people who have been inspired by their names. I was deposing an arborist, a tree doctor, and the guy said his name was Greenforest. I said, 'I get a lot of snickers about my name. You must, too.' He said, 'That's why I chose it.' And I did get a call from a fisherman once with a damaged boat full of fish. It was taking on water and he goes to a pay phone and all the attorneys in the yellow pages were ripped out, so he looks up lawyer in the white pages and finds me."

Mr. Lawyer said that two of his uncles are attorneys, but that it's unlikely his three children will follow in his footsteps. "They all vow not to become lawyers," he said. 

Cleveland Kent Evans, a psychologist at Bellevue University in Nebraska, said: "It is certainly possible that when someone's name corresponds with a word which is associated with a particular interest or profession in their culture, it might make them somewhat more likely to go into that profession. But the people involved themselves wouldn't necessarily consciously know that or consciously want to admit it when it would happen."

Dr. Lewis P. Lipsitt, professor emeritus of psychology at Brown, agrees that the influence of a name is often subliminal. 

"You wouldn't expect people to reply that they had a strong awareness of moving toward a profession or occupation or a preoccupation just because their name signified that they should," he said, "but I think there is a real process at work to gravitate people toward occupations and preoccupations suggested by their names.

"I was lecturing to my class one day, telling them to be careful because coincidences do happen. To illustrate, I said I could probably convince you people's names cause them to go into certain occupations. I mentioned Mrs. Record who keeps alumni records, Professor Fiddler in the music department, Dr. Fish of the Oceanographic Institute. By the time I got that deeply into it off the top of my head, I'm beginning to think there might be a causal relationship. And then a student said, and you, Dr. Lipsitt, you study sucking behavior in babies. And that had never occurred to me."



THE EVOLUTION IN TEACHING MATH

Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2005
Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la produccion es $80 ....



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Rocket Attacks on Israel Eroding IDF Patience
The IDF has become Bonche Schweig.

On Visit To U.S., Afghan Leader Defends Opium Fight
To emphasize his point, he took out a strange looking pipe, filled it, lit it and puffed on it.

Guantánamo Comes To Define U.S. To Muslims
And the name Muslims defines who belongs in Guantanamo.

In Rare Threat, Bush Vows Veto Of Stem Cell Bill
He is adamant that criminals should be put in an ordinary prison cell and not in a special stem cell.

Hussein Photos In Tabloids Prompt U.S. Call To Investigate
1. I didn’t know that Arabs wear underwear.
2. If he keeps wearing that small size he will get headaches that go from the bridge of his nose to the nape of his neck.

F.D.A. Considers Implant Device For Depression
That’s progress, the Republicans have only been able to achieve recession.

Parishioners In Boston Plan Suit Over Priests' Pensions
I was worried for a moment, I thought the headline said penises.

A 'Public' Board Likes To Avoid The Public And Work In Private
A member of the board that is pushing the Westside stadium had a nightmare that it took him four days to get to a board meeting after the stadium was completed.

Greenspan Is Concerned About 'Froth' In Housing
Does that mean that he is frothing at the mouth because some developer beat him to a parcel of land that he had his eye on?

Plan Would Broaden F.B.I.'s Terror Role
Gee, aren’t they scary enough?

4 Members of Louisiana Church Charged With Abuse Of Children
And they’re not even Catholics.

Prayer In Orange Forbidden At Western Wall
What’s the next color to be eliminated…black? 

ADL Obscures Americans’ Stance Against Palestinian State
ADL will support a Palestinian state with Marc Rich as president.

USAID To Employ 20,000 Arabs In Road Project For PA
Not too smart, the Arabs will make sure that the road leads to Iraq for easier movement of suicide bombers.

Syria Ending Cooperation With U.S., Envoy Says
Does this mean that they will no longer accept our aid?

Palestinian Militants Agree To Restore Truce In Gaza
Gee, I read the papers and watch the news on TV and I didn’t know that those nice militants broke the truce.

Teenager Freed In Killing Faces Robbery Charge
Since he is reducing the severity of his crimes don’t send him to jail again.

Notes Show Fed Deciding To Brush Aside Signs Of Slower Growth
The Dismal Science strikes again.

China Backs Uzbek, Splitting With U.S. On Crackdown
They just have a different slant on things.

Mötley Crüe Files Suit Against NBC For Banning It Because Of An Expletive
It was a fucking violation of their freedom of speech!

52nd Arab Teenage Bomber This Year Apprehended Near Shechem (Nablus)
At least those Arab teenagers are not damaging their health with drugs

UPS Loses Citigroup Customer Data
1. Don’t ask what Brown can do for you.
2. In the next UPS TV commercial, will the girl check her watch, jump off the roof and get splattered on the pavement because the UPS truck didn’t arrive on schedule?

Greenspan Calls Declining Rates A Warning Sign
He adds that on the other hand there may be other causes. As President Truman said, “What I wouldn’t give for a one-handed economist.”


QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever and/or informative, not that he necessarily agrees with them.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
- Don Marquis

All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is only to try to think them again.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Clear writers, like clear fountains, do not seem so deep as they are; the turbid looks most profound.
- Walter Landor

I received most of my musical education while being kept on hold during a phone call.
- Diogenes

I’m old enough to remember when the “Solid South” meant Democrat. Today it means Republican. By the way, I’ve read where it used to mean traitors.
- Diogenes

American presidents are skilled surgeons, as well as skilled politicians. From Truman through George W. Bush our presidents have been able to remove the backbone of Israel’s prime ministers while allowing them to appear standing upright.
- Diogenes

Some new plan has got to be worked out in our prison system. Of course, this may be a radical suggestion, but couldn’t they fix some way where the guards carried the guns, instead of the prisoners?
- Will Rogers

It’s a tragedy that Israeli generals are beginning to think of themselves as generals!
- David Ben-Gurion

Do not put your faith in what statistics say until you have carefully considered what they do not say..
- William W. Watt 

You may search my time-worn face,
You’ll find a merry eye that twinkles.
I am NOT an old lady, 
Just a little girl with wrinkles!
- Edythe E. Bregnard

In life as in the dance: Grace glides on blistered feet.
- Alice Abrams

Attorney-General Sir John Holker:
The labor of two days, then, is that for which you ask two hundred guineas?
Whistler: No—I ask it for the knowledge of a lifetime.
- James McNeill Whistler

Every man’s work, whether it be literature or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is a portrait of himself.
- Samuel Butler

Success won’t just come to you
It has to be met at least halfway.
- Frank Tyger

Patience: A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue. 
- Ambrose Bierce

Wealth is a means to an end, not the end itself.
As a synonym for health and happiness, it has had a fair trial and failed dismally.
- John Galsworthy



READERS’ COMMENTS

Very unique report! I would be interested to know where you get your information. I will be sure to check your website whenever you update, as your outlook is different from all of the others that I have seen.

I agree completely that people's behavior, such as when they make financial decisions, is far more influenced by psychology than by logic.



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