THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
November 2005, VOL. V, #12
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(Items marked with an * were written by Diogenes.)

THE WARS AT HOME AND ABROAD*

Neither the wars at home nor the wars abroad are going well. Perhaps because they are interconnected. At home, the Republican draft dodgers are questioning the patriotism of the Democrat war heroes. Vice President, Torquemada the Torturer and his running dogs are on the attack. This is a good strategy since they have no defense for the miserable job they’re doing in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The administration has locked itself into an approach that mirrors the losing situation in Viet Nam. The V.P. claims that if we pull out of Iraq it will become a haven for terrorists who will then go after us at home. Diogenes disagrees. Since the active terrorists in Iraq are Sunnis and we apparently can’t handle the Sunnis, why don’t we turn the fighting over to the people that will be able to control them? If the U.S. pulls out, the Shiites and the Kurds will be unleashed to handle the Sunnis. I believe that they will defang the terrorists rather quickly. If the fighting continues over a longer period of time it will only mean that they won’t be coming after us while they are battling among themselves.

As to the Jeffersonian in the White House whose goal it is to spread democracy to people who are still mired in a tribal culture, Diogenes says, ‘don’t rush it, give them a couple of hundred more years to evolve.’ And the effort to bring “democracy” to the Arabs is not worth the life of one American, much less 2,000 and counting.

Why Are We Always Surprised?

That takes us to another place where the freshly-minted Jeffersonian is installing democracy with the blood of Americans—Afghanistan. Now, long after local and national elections proved to the White House that the Afghani tribes have gone democratic, the war has picked up again. The ragged and badly beaten remnants of the Taliban and alQaeda appear to be better organized and more aggressive than when we beat them. We should ask the British and the Russians among others about how they conquered Afghanistan. 

Based on comments of our enemies in Afghanistan, they were not very upset about the birth of “democracy” in their country. As a matter of record, a number of the democratically-elected legislators were officials of the Taliban Government. Their thinking, so much cleverer than ours, was that once elections were over and democratically-elected officials were in office, the Americans would announce victory; mission completed, and would leave. It appears that, as yet, we cannot depart. This also delays the eradication—once again-- of the poppy culture, which our government allowed to return, after the Taliban wiped it out. Interestingly, they said no to drugs, we said yes.

Do we also plan to bring democracy to Saudi Arabia and to Pakistan?

The Deck Of Cards

The recent bombings in Jordan highlighted another aspect of our inability to know our enemies. I heard one of our officials claiming that these bombings were not a sign of great capabilities on the part of the terrorists/insurgents. After all, he noted, Jordan borders Iraq and people are freely crossing the border. Diogenes views this differently. That Zarkawi and his team or teams are running a major insurgency up and down Iraq and to also have people to plan, organize and carry out the Jordanian bombings is a strong statement about the capabilities of the terrorist organization.

The deck of cards mentality which allowed us to pat ourselves on the back when we took out “Ace of Clubs” and the “Jack of Diamonds”, etc., etc. did not prevent the insurgency from erupting. Taking out Zarkawi and Osama, while pleasant, will not end Muslim terrorism.

The Muslims, like the black jack dealers in Las Vegas, are playing with more than one deck of cards. 



WHAT CAN WE EXPECT IN ISRAEL? * 

People are asking, “What can we expect now that Sharon left the Likud Party and new elections are scheduled?” Diogenes predicts that whatever new government is elected, it will follow in the path of the outgoing government, but with a fig leaf to hide its nakedness if the Likud is reelected. 

In the unlikely event that Labor wins, the dismemberment of the State of Israel will continue at a faster pace than required even by President Bush’s Road Map as orchestrated by Condo, the Dragon Lady. 

If Ariel Sharon returns to office, which is an outside possibility given the short-sightedness and wishful thinking of the Israeli voters, the dismemberment of the State will continue at a measured, although quicker, pace than up until now. Sharon has shown that he is completely under the thumb of the Bush Administration. Over the years he has undergone an anatomical transformation and become all mouth and no backbone. His new anatomy is acceptable for having tea at the White House but not for maintaining a strong Israel.

She stood up like a ‘man’

There is no question but that the American Government wields enormous influence over the Israeli Government, but at some point—when the survival of your country is at stake-- you have reject the destructive pressure and say, ‘so far no further.’ Golda Meir faced down Kissinger and the Nixon Administration during the Yom Kippur War by demanding a re-supply of arms or Israel would resort to the nuclear option. Israel received the arms that enabled it to defeat the Arab armies. It took a Jewish woman—a bubby, in fact-- to be a ‘man’ when the survival of Israel was in danger. Israel has not had a ‘man’ as prime minister since that time. Each of the subsequent leaders knuckled under to American pressure to give and give and give to the Arabs in the name of ‘peace.’ Despite all of the giving and weakening of Israel, peace is still light years away.

Unfortunately, the U.S. has a different set of rules for the Jews than it has for the Arabs.
When the Americans encounter violence in Iraq, they bomb and shoot the crap out of the Arab terrorists and any Arab civilians that are unlucky enough to get in the way. When the Palestinian Arabs—and they are first and foremost Arabs—murder Jews, the Israeli Government comes under intense pressure for very low key any retaliation. How many more Israelis and Americans do the Arabs have to murder before the American Government and the American people realize that you can’t compromise with the Arabs. America rightly couldn’t and didn’t compromise with the Nazis. We mustn’t continue to make the mistake of trying to compromise with the Arabs whether they call themselves Iraqis or Palestinians or even Saudis.

An Arab is an Arab is an Arab

The double standard is dangerous both for America and for Israel. It gives the Arabs that are on the front line against Israel the feeling that they can get away with impunity despite their murderous acts. This includes Hizbullah, Hamas, Islamic Jihad and even the so-called ‘moderates” like Al Aksa, which is an arm of the Palestinian Authority. If we hate Osama and Zarkawi, our government also should hate and demand that Israel crack down hard—very, very hard-- on the Palestinian Arab terrorists and their supporters.

Leading the pack of Likud politicians striving for the leadership position is Benjamin (Bibi) Netanyahu. His words are the words of a strong Zionist. Unfortunately, when he served as prime minister, his actions were that of a spineless jellyfish. Jellyfish, by the way, are always welcome for tea at the White House. For the record, he turned over to the Arabs, the Jewish holy city of Hebron. He allowed the Arabs to get away with murder at the opening of the Jerusalem tunnel. He did not fight to free Jonathon Pollard. These days, he is wearing the fig leaf of a strong nationalist and Zionist to cover his previous--and undoubtedly future--malfeasances. Bibi, probably but not certainly, has the best chance to become the Likud candidate for prime minister. 

The Jewish Leadership Movement

Most of the other announced candidates for leader of Likud, including Defense Minister Sha’ul Mofaz, are establishment types of whom not much can be expected. Although I believe that he has a very slim chance of being elected, I would support Moshe Feiglin for the leadership position. He has never wavered in support of a strong Jewish state often putting his welfare and freedom on the line in the battle against the left and the so-called right that have taken defeatist positions against the Arabs and America when it came to a strong Israel.

Feiglin is the leader of the Manhigut Yehudit (The Jewish Leadership Movement) faction within the Likud. Although it presents a substantial bloc within the party, it probably is not yet large enough to carry the day. As far as I am concerned, Manhigut Yehudit represents Jewish values better that any other political organization in Israel—including the religious parties.



KATRINA VINDICATES JOHN EDWARDS*

We all know Katrina, but who is John Edwards, you may well ask. For ye of short memory, will I remind you that Mr. Edwards was the Democratic candidate for Vice President way back in 2004. And his main theme was that America is two nations. Since we all tune out political rhetoric, we ignored his words. But no speech, however eloquent, has the power to impress a truth on our emotions like those pictures that came out of New Orleans and the rest of the Gulf coast in the aftermath of Katrina. They did not allow us to hide our eyes or our understanding of America’s second nation.

John Edwards had it so right!



GIVING WITH A TIGHT FIST*

Everyone agrees that it will take lots and lots of money to rebuild the homes, businesses and infrastructure that were destroyed by Katrina. George W. Bush, who requested $100 billion from Congress to rebuild Iraq, sounded like he would like a big pat on the back for asking Congress for an initial appropriation of $40 billion to rebuild the Gulf region. Maybe, he would have asked for more if he was told it was for the Persian Gulf region.


UP TO THEIR EYEBALLS*

You can’t blame George W. Bush for believing that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. After all, his daddy was up to his eyeballs in approving the sale of these weapons when he headed the CIA and when he was Vice President. Of course, he was never blamed, or even questioned, about these illegal sales. Another high government official deeply involved in the sale of WMD to Saddam Hussein was Robert Gates, who subsequently was promoted from Deputy Director to Director of the CIA. Which only goes to prove, once again, that findings of past, present and future “independent” investigative commissions are unadulterated bullshit. 



THE GOOD OLD DAYS IN THE SOVIET UNION

Two Jews are talking in a labor camp.
“How many years did you get?”
“Twenty.”
“For what?”
“Nothing.”
“Ha! Liar! For nothing they give you ten years.”



MEDICAL ALERT

Symptoms of the bird flu

The Centers for Disease control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield



ZEN JUDAISM

If there is no self,
Whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip... joy.
With the second... satisfaction. 
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health
or a life without problems. 
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single "oy."

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called,
you never wrote, you never visited. 
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkes.

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides. 
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
will be the least of your problems. 

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight. You'll never meet the
Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Be patient and achieve all things.
Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

To Find the Buddha, look within.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist. 

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish
motorcycle maintenance, do the following:
get rid of the motorcycle.
What were you thinking?

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical 
sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
The Buddha says there is no "self."
So, maybe you are off the hook.

The Buddha taught that one should practice loving 
kindness to all sentient beings.
Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being
who happens to be Jewish?

Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain,
though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, 
yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have
attained full Enlightenment.
But, first, a little nosh.



NAMES*
Names that fit and names that don’t.

A good fit. Shear Heaven, a hairdresser in Monroe, CT

A perfect fit. Joseph Chazan (cantor in Yiddish), Cantor at Congregation Eilat, 
Mission Viejo, CA

A bad fit, with a little poetic license. Derrick Caracter, a highly touted high school basketball player who seems to be lacking the character (h added) needed to qualify himself for college. Not that very much qualification is needed for a top-notch basketball player to be awarded an athletic scholarship. He already has dropped out of prep school four times and is sort of giving it a fifth try. He’ll soon be old enough to go directly into the NBA without bothering about college.



NEXT TIME ANYONE ASKS “WHAT’S A BAR MITZVAH?”

A Bar Mitzvah is defined as the day when a Jewish boy comes to the realization 
that he may own a professional sports team rather than play for one.



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS*
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

First President To Visit Mongolia
In greeting his hosts, President Bush stated: “I believe that you Mongoloids 
made a wise choice in picking democracy over communism.”

12 War Protesters Arrested At Bush Ranch
Our government seems to be having more success in controlling the American war protesters than the Sunni war protesters.

Britain’s Muslim Magazines Reach Out To Young Readers
Every issue features 72 virgins in swimsuits that the readers can meet if they become suicide bombers.

Palestinians Take Control Of Crossing Between Gaza And Egypt
Arabs – 1; Israelis – 0.

Under-Inflated Tires Can Decrease Gas Mileage
Over-inflated gas prices can decrease the amount of money available for food, rent and medications.

Israel Shells Gaza Strip
Wouldn’t a tractor be a simpler way of plowing empty fields?

Threat To Divest Is Church Tool In Israeli Fight
Another tool that church leaders are sticking in the wrong place.

Oil-for-Food Corruption 
If you use coconut oil instead of olive oil or canola oil in your cooking, you should expect corruption.

West Nile Risk Grows, Residents Urged To Avoid Mosquitoes
Don’t open your door if they knock, don’t return their greeting if you meet them in the street.

Musharraf To Meet Jewish Officials
Better he should help catch Osama

Pope Denounces Antisemitism During Synagogue Visit
I couldn’t agree with him more, anti-Semitism is out of place during a synagogue visit.

R. I. Priest Headed To World Youth Day
Is he taking Michael Jackson with him?

Ford Recall Involves Millions Of Vehicles
Appropriate numbers. Didn’t Ford start the mass production of automobiles?

400 Arrested In U.S. Methamphetamine Raids
Those Arab names are sure hard to pronounce.

President Bush: “It’s A Big Storm
Did he mean Rita or Iraq?

Greenspan: Even He Wonders How Long The Surge Can Last
Is the maven wondering about the hurricanes, the Tsunami or the housing boom?

Chinese Catholics Fight For Freedom
They’re demanding the right to pick two from column A, two from Column B plus three wafers for dessert. 

Israeli And Palestinian To Discuss Steps To Peace
The Israelis should be careful that one of the steps isn’t on a land mine.

IDF To Recommend Increasing PA's Weapons Cache
I go along with that as long as the families of any Jews killed or wounded by these weapons have a right to kill every IDF officer and Cabinet member who approves this recommendation.

Specter To Press Miers In Hearings
That dirty old man!

Peru’s Fugitive Ex-Leader Trying To Regain Presidency
That’s nervy of Fujimoro, trying to replay Pearl Harbor.

…the percentage of births to unmarried mothers was highest in the South.
(from a new study)
It seems that belts are looser in the Bible Belt.

Circumcision May Offer A Way To Curb The AIDS Explosion In Some Of The Most Affected Nations.
Leave it the Jews. A new market for mohels.


120 Arrested On Immigration Violations At Wal-Mart Site
And that was at only at one check-out counter. 

Sex Offenders In New Jersey Face Halloween Restrictions
If two guys come to your door on one broomstick, call the cops.

Irish Report Faults Catholic Church On Abuse
So the Irish have finally sobered up.

U.N. Panel Says 2,400 Firms Paid Bribes To Iraq
Congress calls for investigation to find out why bribes were diverted from U.S. legislators.

Rumsfeld Calls On Chinese To Be Open On Nuclear Arms
Last Titan Lifts Off With Secret Payload
Chinese call on Rumsfeld to be open on secret payloads.

Age-old Hatred Isn’t Only Reason For Mideast Conflict
There also are many valid current reasons.

NCAA Recognizes Growing Problem With Costs
The athletic departments at the 119 most prominent colleges spent $3.8 billion last year but took in over $4 billion. The problem is that most other departments at the schools lose money. Perhaps the colleges could eliminate their money-losing philosophy, history, political science and engineering departments and open two or three additional athletic departments. This increased involvement also would be good for the American people who do not get enough exercise.

Miss. Wal-Marts May Apply ‘New Urbanism’ In Rebuilding
Soon you won’t have to be a coal miner to sing, “I owe my soul to the company store.”



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever and/or informative, 
not that he necessarily agrees with them.

The deed accomplishes what thought began.
- Jewish proverb

Rumor has it that liberals are upgrading to homes with bigger lawns to give undocumented aliens from Latin America greater job opportunities
- Diogenes

Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.
- Grace Hansen

The Privileged and the People form two nations.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Loon: I just met a guy who sells life insurance policies on pets. So I bought one for my dog…and nine for my cat.
- SHOE (comic strip)

The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. 
- Anonymous 

President Bush is taking more liberal positions. For example, global warming.
He used to be against it. Now it’s the Republican plan for heating homes this winter.
- Jay Leno

We are always the same age inside.
- Gertrude Stein

According to the latest poll, only 2% of African Americans think President Bush is doing a good job. The percentage would have been higher, but Condoleeza Rice has a small family.
- Conan O’Brien

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.
- Madeleine L’Engle

Date: You are so disgusting!
Shoe: What? What? I just said I love you.
Date: Saying it and burping it are two entirely different things!
- SHOE (comic strip)

Pointy Haired Boss: Why did you leave your last job?
Applicant: They accused me of stealing four computers.
Pointy Haired Boss: Did they make you confess?
Applicant: I took the fifth.
- DILBERT (comic strip)



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