THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
January 2006, VOL. VI, #1
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(Items marked with an * were written by Diogenes.)

BEWARE OF ARABS BEARING GIFTS*

Based on the Koran’s hammering away at the virtue of giving charity, I will guess that Muhammad knew that his people were something less than charitable. So when a Saudi Prince makes a generous contribution to an American institution, you can be sure that it doesn’t come from the goodness of his heart. We should remember the story of the Trojan Horse and update the old proverb to, “beware of Arabs bearing gifts.”

Consider that the United States played the major role in bringing the Saudi oil industry to fruition, and that we are the Saudi’s major customer and, perhaps, even of greater significance, we saved the Saud family’s sheikdom from takeover by Saddam. You might think that Saudi kings and princes would use a small portion of their billions to underwrite the construction of hospitals, clinics or housing for the indigent in the United States. These would be selfless charitable gifts. But as Muhammad recognized, true charity does not come easily to an Arab.

“No Strings Attached”

So when Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal bin Abdulaziz al-Saud contributes $20 million each to Harvard and Georgetown Universities with “no strings attached,” you can be certain that there are strings attached. Not that there is anything new about Saudi educational “donations.” They always are designed to put this medieval kingdom that finances modern terrorism in a favorable light. The funds, which are meant to support Islamic studies at Harvard and Georgetown which, in turn, are planning to rename their Islamic Centers after the Prince. I suggest that Harvard names its center Prince Al, and Georgetown name its, Prince Wally—just to give them an American no-strings-attached flavor.

In trying to support the study of Islam as a religious and cultural tradition will the professors be allowed to present Shia as an acceptable and integral part of the Islamic religion? Will they be permitted to point out that Wahabism, the main stream of Islam in Saudi Arabia, supports terrorism, promotes hatred of the West, particularly the United States and Israel? Will they be allowed to tell students that Saudi Arabia promotes virulent Anti-Semitism?

Will the students and researchers have access to the sermons of hate by the Islamic religious leaders coming out of the mosques each Friday in Saudi Arabia and elsewhere in the Islamic world? “No strings?”


Ignoring Anti-Americanism

A recent investigation linked Prince Al with a group producing teaching materials for American public school students. The material contained pro-Islamic, anti-American, anti-Israel and anti-Jewish content. This is the same no-strings-Prince whose $10 million gift was turned down by New York City’s Mayor Giuliani when he tried to link the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks to U.S. support for Israel. 

Obviously, the leaders at Harvard and Georgetown do not have the same ethical and moral values—or the backbone-- as the former mayor. I wonder if those academics would accept $20 million “no-strings” gifts from the Mafia? It also might be an offer they couldn’t refuse.

This latest “gift” comes on the heels of hundreds of millions of dollars in other “gifts” that the Saudis and other Arabs have poured into American and European institutions to burnish their images without, in any way, changing the anti-humanitarian, anti-democratic, terrorist-supporting behavior of their countries.


Encouraging Pro-Saudi Academics

Daniel Pipes, founder and director of the Middle East Forum, a Philadelphia think tank feels that this type of gift will add support to the academics who are dealing with Islamic studies. These academics are, in general, already willing to go along with the Saudi outlook. The Pipes forum runs Campus Watch, which reviews and critiques Middle East studies on American campuses. Pipes claims that academics espousing anti-American and anti-Israel views hold a “virtual monopoly” on university positions.

Martin Kramer, a fellow at the Washington Institute for Near East Policy also decried the Saudi influence in American academia. He wrote that Saudi money “has already compromised the research agenda in Middle Eastern studies.”…. “This is great for Saudi Arabia.”…. “It is not at all great for the American public, which seeks objective assessments of the Saudi kingdom.” 

Concerned about the perceived anti-Israel tilt in academia, some universities have received gifts to ensure that Israel studies are taught at U.S. colleges. But the gifts from Jewish foundations are, as usual, too few to reverse the anti-Israel tilt. 



WIDE ENOUGH TO ACCOMMODATE AN 18-WHEELER*

The biggest news in Washington is not the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan or the impending war with Iran but the lobbying scandal. Our representatives are acting as shocked and outraged as they did when Monica was giving head in the Oval Office. There is a lot of talk going around about setting higher levels of ethical behavior and tightening the loopholes that have enabled members of Congress to jaunt around the world and loll at the more pleasant joints on monies shoveled out by lobbyists—that is when they are not doing the same thing at taxpayer expense.

Let’s face it: if, at this point in their lives, our legislators need a new manual on ethical behavior, they will never, ever understand what constitutes ethical behavior. As far as tightening the loopholes, they will only be tightened to the degree that an 18-wheeler can easily slip through the loopholes instead of a Boeing 747. So you know that we will be getting more of the same, but a little more circumspectly.

This gang in Washington is no worse than their predecessors going back at least 75 years and most likely 200 years ago. The following comments on lobbying and our elected officials were made by Will Rogers in the 1920s. You can do your own research to dig out comments on the subject in the 1800s.

A president only tells Congress what they should do. Lobbyists tell them what they will do.

Can’t Congress do anything that’s not on a lobbyist’s list? They can, but they never have.

Why don’t these lobbyists run for the Senate? Would you get out of the driver’s seat and pull with the other horses?

A lobbyist is a person that is supposed to help a politician make up his mind—not only help him but pay him.

If we have senators and congressmen in Washington that can’t protect themselves against these lobbyists, we don’t need to change our lobbies, we need to change our representatives.

If we could just get these lobbyists out of Washington, D. C., it would be just as good as almost any city.

The Democrats and the Republicans are equally corrupt—it’s only in the amount where the Republicans excel.

Déjà vu all over again.

A note for those of you who don’t remember—or are too young to know—Will Rogers. He was an Oklahoma native, part Indian, who participated in rodeos and then came to Broadway where he starred in a number of Ziegfield Follies. He was a man of uncommon common sense whose commentary on the national and international scenes made him a beloved American icon during the 1920s and ‘30s. He wrote a newspaper column and even starred in movies. Once, when asked if his ancestors came over on the Mayflower, he answered, “no, but they met they met the Mayflower when it arrived.” Will Rogers died in an airplane crash in 1935.



ALL EUROPEAN LIFE DIED IN AUSCHWITZ

(This is a summary of an article recently printed in a Spanish newspaper, but it applies to most countries of Western Europe.)

By Sebastian Vilar Rodrigez 
I walked down the street in Barcelona, and suddenly discovered a terrible truth - Europe died in Auschwitz.

We killed six million Jews and replaced them with 20 million Muslims. In Auschwitz we burned a culture, thought, creativity, and talent. We destroyed the chosen people, truly chosen, because they produced great and wonderful people who changed the world.

The contribution of this people is felt in all areas of life: science, art, international trade, and above all, as the conscience of the world. These are the people we burned. And under the pretense of tolerance, and because we wanted to prove to ourselves that we were
cured of the disease of racism, we opened our gates to 20 million Muslims, who brought us stupidity and ignorance, religious extremism and lack of tolerance, crime and poverty due to an unwillingness to work and support their families with pride.

They have turned our beautiful European cities into the third world, drowning in filth and crime. Shut up in the apartments they receive free from the government, they plan the murder and destruction of their naive hosts. And thus, in our misery, we have exchanged culture for fanatical hatred, creative skill for destructive skill, intelligence for backwardness and superstition.

We have exchanged the pursuit of peace of the Jews of Europe and their talent for hoping for a better future for their children, their determined clinging to life because life is holy, for those who pursue death, for people consumed by the desire for death for themselves and others, for our children and theirs. 

What a terrible mistake was made by miserable Europe.



BAPTIST LOGIC 

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." 

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. 
One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent! . When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." 

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my sisters though."



DIETING UNDER STRESS

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. And, it’s the type of stress familiar to most of us.

BREAKFAST:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast, dry
8 ounces skim milk
1 cup black coffee

LUNCH:
4 ounces lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1-cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID-AF'TERNOON SNACK:
Rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream

DINNER:
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of Coke
3 Snickers bars

LATE EVENING NEWS SNACK:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from freezer



NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.

Juvenal Benavides was sentenced to 8 years for a heroin conviction. (Stamford, CT, Advocate, Dec. 17, 2005) Shouldn’t they have tried him as a juvenal? His name didn’t help.

Her name doesn’t fit. Marion True, a former antiquities curator at the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles conspired to illegally acquire antiquities for the museum. (Associated Press story, December 16, 2005)



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS*
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.

Suicide Terrorist Wounds 18 In Tel Aviv
If you live in an area that is snake-infested and one slithers into your home and kills or injures a member of your family, it is not the snake’s fault. That’s the nature of a snake. Of course, you have to kill it before it can do further damage. The fault lies with the individual responsible for protecting your community against snakes. That person must be punished before he is the cause of additional deaths or injuries.

US-Israel Relations Suffer A Setback Over Israel’s Arms Deals With China
Israel settled this issue by giving veto power to the US over its arms deals. I hope the agreement gives Israel veto power over US arms deals with Muslim countries. Ha, ha.

This Call May Be Monitored ...
Will they send you to Guantanamo if you use words like &%^**! and @#+>??

Pentagon's Intelligence Authority Widens
It may bee three thousand miles wide but it’s only an inch deep.

Dutch Bank Fined For Iran, Libya Transactions
$80 million fine; $200 million profit; clever bankers.

Clinton NSA Eavesdropped On U.S. Calls
That was just his way of meeting women.

Sen. Baucus Returns Funds Tied To Abramoff
With all the money he has gotten back, Abramoff could afford to run for Congress himself—when he gets out of prison.

Judge Rejects Teaching Intelligent Design
At last, an intelligent judge.

Germany Frees Hijacker Who Killed U.S. Sailor
The Germans did not want to blemish their record for being humanitarian.

Advocates Of 'Intelligent Design' Vow To Continue Despite Ruling
It’s difficult to thwart the designs of the unintelligent.

Israeli Nobel Laureate Classifies Disengagement As ´Disaster´
He should get another Nobel for his comments!

Terrorism, Mideast Key Issues In '06, Annan Says
The chutzpah of that crooked aborigine: he says to forget about the billions he and his friends have stolen. He puts the Israeli-Palestinian conflict on the same level as the war in Iraq and the on-going slaughters in the Sudan and the Congo where hundreds of thousands have been murdered and maimed. Send the crooked little s.o.b. back to Africa. 

Strike Affects Many Local Commuters
The upside of the transit strike was that three terrorist bombers couldn’t get to their targets.

College Loans Bear Biggest Part Of Budget-Cutting Plan
Republicans say not to worry. We can import all of the scientists, doctors and mathematicians we need from Asia. And, furthermore, most of our college graduates would vote Democrat.

Cops Seize 55 Kilograms Of Cocaine
They should take before and after color photos of the noses of all of the cops in Stamford.

E.U. Threatens Microsoft With New Fines
When my computer is giving me a hard time, I’d also like to threaten Microsoft.

Young And Homeless Fill Africa's City Streets
They also are filling the streets in Europe and America.

President Grants Pardons To 11
Most were run-of-the-mill lawbreakers, but one was the lawyer for a big Republican giver. George is trying to make Bill Clinton look good. He isn’t there yet, but he still has a few years to catch. And with all the Republicans in the pipeline to the slammer, he may yet outdo Bill.

Papal Official Wants To Divide Jerusalem
I’ve got a better idea, let’s divide Vatican City into four parts: one for pedophiles, one for gays, one for hard-shell Baptists and the last one for orthodox Catholics. 

Sunnis Protest Iraqi Vote, And Offer Deals
Deal #1: Bring back Saddam!
Deal #2: See deal #1.

65% of Palestinians Applaud Terror Attacks On US And Europe
1. They should be turned into one-armed applauders.
2. If Israel were added to the list, we would hear a 100% ovation.
3. Maybe Europe and the U.S. are not contributing enough money to the Palestinians.
4. Maybe Arabs just like fireworks.

Hamas Denies Pragmatic Shift, Says Israeli Paper Distorts Facts
We have been saying for years that the far-left-wing-rag, Haaretz distorts facts.

Police harassment of Jews in Hevron is not a new phenomenon
Jew-on-Jew crime! It’s the Jewish version of black-on-black crime.



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever and/or informative, 
Not that he necessarily agrees with them.

Mendoza: I am a brigand: I live by robbing the rich.
Tanner: I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor.
- George Bernard Shaw

A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is visible labor and invisible labor.
- Victor Hugo

Cosmo: Aren’t you in TV ads for kitchen gadgets?
Bar Patron: Yes. I’ve been doing it for years! I really love it! And the money’ great…
Cosmo: Very interesting…
Bar Patron: But wait. There’s more!
- SHOE (comic strip)

Why do melons have church weddings?
They cantaloupe.
- Anonymous

All the things we did for our country.
Some of us died,
Some gave speeches.
- Orhan Veli Kanik

In a country well-governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of.
In a country badly-governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.
- Confucius

In choosing a friend, go up a step.
- Talmud

God gives nothing to those who keep their arms crossed.
- West African proverb

Concern should drive us into action and not into depression.
- Karen Horney

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
- Ambrose Bierce

I’ve been to the “other side” and I heard a small still voice commanding me to pay attention to Pat Robertson and if can’t do that I should step down. The voice said that since I didn’t pay attention to the first warning, the next warning was more serious.
- Ariel Sharon

Where do you go to get anorexia?
- Shelley Winters

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.
- Jim Samuels 



READERS’ COMMENTS
On President Bush, Vice president Cheney, These men have passed their trials above reproach. You hate them so you deprecate them. The democrats are worst (sic.), no comment about them. This country was not built on democracy, it took several wars and years to develop this great country. It lets you and the dopey liberals leftists to have their say. Even those that speak treason. Iraq will suffer just as this country did from 1776 to 1789, and afterwards. So What. Still a great country we live in.

=-=-=-=-=-

About the Rabin assassination: I refer you to "Cold Case"(no pun intended). Send all evidence to them and we'll soon know who really killed Rabin. (This guy can also solve the mystery of who killed JFK.) Next????

=-=-=-=-=-=-

The article on the Swiss bankers prompts this question:
Who are the good guys? (Are there any good guys?)
It used to be simple: the good guys wore white hats. (I don't want to hear a word about the guys wearing black hats.)

=-=-=-=-=-

Lady with the new face prompts these as well:
face-to-face
let's face it
face facts
face off
face lift (my favorite)

=-=-=-=-=

Pun on declining use of drugs for sex, your comment, nicely punned, but to which I ask: "mo important things than screwing" ....NAME 1 !!!!!


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