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THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
May 2006, VOL. V, #9
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(Items marked with an * were written by Diogenes.)
WE’RE PUMPING GAS WHILE THE OIL COMPANIES ARE PUMPING US*
A government (the Bush Administration) that robs Peter (the consumers) to pay Paul (the oil companies) can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw;
- ( ) Diogenes
The defenders of the oil giants claim that the increase in oil prices is not caused by the giants but by the brokers and futures traders who are driving up the price of a barrel of oil. If this is the case, don’t the oil companies have to buy oil at a higher price, which would limit their profits? However, this doesn’t seem to be the case.
If there is no collusion among the oil giants, how come the prices at the pump are so similar? Are the costs of doing business the same for all of the oil companies? How remarkable!!
After seeing the top executives of the oil giants, I finally realized what the expression “snake oil salesman” means.
A PROPOSED ALTERNATIVE ENERGY SOURCE
PIPEDREAM OR POSSIBILITY?
A friend of Diogenes has an energy answer that can solve all of the American problems listed below. Please note that he does not claim that it can cure cancer.
- Reverse Global Warming
- Starve Terrorist funding by reducing US dependence on Mideast oil
- Save Social Security without an increase in taxes or F.I.C.A
- Pay off the National Debt
- Reverse the US balance of payments deficit
- An ultimate reduction of US income taxes even for the billionaires as long as everyone keeps paying their electric bill at the current rate of $.12/kilowatt-hour
My friend claims that, “it may be hard for you to believe, all of the above issues are resolved with the proposal, which I have been promoting for over 25 years in a Quixotic Quest with all US presidents and presidential candidates since Jimmy Carter, as well as members of congress without any cogent response thus far.”
If you would like to judge for yourself if his proposal has merit, send Diogenes an e-mail requesting a copy of the proposal.
THE DECLINE AND FALL OF A TITAN*
He was born in Eretz Israel, the land of Israel. He loved the land. He became on of its staunchest and most capable defenders. In the face of terrorist attacks, he dealt the Arabs blows which made them understand they could not escape severe punishment for their depredations. He was the most aggressive and daring military leader in the wars against Egypt in 1956, 1965 and 1973. Following his military career, he entered politics and led the resettlement of Jews at the core of their ancient homeland.
Then he was rewarded by the Israeli people with the position of Prime Minister…and his decline started. The man who, in the face of American and Russian and Arab pressure, said in 1965, “All this fawning to the Powers, begging for help, undermines our case. If we want to survive here, we have to stand up for rights,” began rapidly to succumb to American pressure. Under this pressure, he turned his back on the Jews living at the core of the land of Israel and uprooted the Jewish communities in Gaza.
He claimed that he was prepared to uproot additional communities in Judea and Samaria The pressure from the United States, always in the background, was fierce and unrelenting. Throughout its history, Israeli leaders have succumbed to this pressure, the purposes of which, both in the short run and in the long run, prove worthless to the United States and to Israel. One Israeli Prime Minister after another has been subjected to this pressure. Some handled it better than others.
I like to think that God saw the fall of this titan from grace and, in exercising his attribute of kindness, determined that he would not permit him to fall any lower.
The new Prime Minister is a spiritual dwarf from whom no redemption can be expected. As a consequence, it should be hoped that God will not delay his attribute of retribution.
MUST WE BE SAVED BY OUR ENEMIES?
It is my contention that if Israel is to survive, we have to depend on one group of our enemies—the Arabs—to save the Jewish state. The selfish, incompetent, spineless leaders of Israel are hell-bent on the destruction of the state and are only concerned with their own, immediate welfare. A news story by Hillel Fendel in the May 1 issue of Arutz 7, The Israel National News Service strengthens my belief. Excerpts from the article follow*:
“Egypt's President Mubarak and Jordan's King Abdullah, who met this week, issued a joint call against Ehud Olmert's planned transfer of vast areas of Judea and Samaria to the control of
Hamas.
“Middle Eastern affairs expert Dr. David Bukai of Haifa University notes the irony, explaining that Egypt and Jordan are more aware of and concerned about the Hamas terror threat than Israel, whose leaders are "criminally" busy with their own problems.
“Speaking with Arutz-7, Bukai said that Egypt and Jordan feel that the rise of Hamas was enabled because of Israel's retreat from Gaza. "They fear that if Israel continues to withdraw, Hamas will get even stronger, and will become an even greater threat to Egypt and Jordan," he said.
"Jordan and Egypt are threatened by World Jihad terrorism no less than Israel," Bukai explained. "Bin Laden has appointed Musa Abu Zarkawi as the Amir [commander] not only of Iraq, but of the entire Middle East. Egypt is thus threatened by the Al-Qaeda terrorism emanating from Sinai - and this terror can easily reach Israel and Saudi Arabia as well. Jordan.
“Bukai said that the Israeli government is not following Egypt and Jordan in this regard, and "is not even following logic or what its citizens' welfare would dictate. The Israeli government is busy with its own issues, totally and completely detached from the existing strategic and political reality. They will only act out of their own understanding, and this understanding is totally mistaken and even, to a large extent, criminal vis-a-vis Israel's citizens' welfare and security. They will of course say that they are watching out only for Israel's interests, but unfortunately, this is far from the truth."
“Bukai said that Egypt and Jordan did nothing to stop the ascent of
Hamas, and only now, when the threat is becoming stronger, are they showing concern. "The reason why Hamas is in power is because of the free elections in the Palestinian Authority," he said. "Any Arab or Islamic country that would hold free elections would show the same result, because if given a choice, the simple man in the street - I don't call him a citizen, because there's no civics in these places - will choose what he knows, namely, the Islamic Movement... Actually, Egypt and Jordan would like it if Israel would do their work for them and deal with the Hamas threat."
THE ROBOT BARTENDER
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies"150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality,
biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology and sexual proclivities.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns and women's breasts.
The customer decides to give the robot one more test. He walks out of the bar, then returns for another drink. One again, the robot serves a perfect drink and asks him, “What’s your IQ?” The man answers, “about 50.” The robot leans over the bar and asks, “Confidentially, are you going to vote for George Bush again?”
HEADLINES AND COMMENTS*
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes.
G.O.P. Senators Hurry To Quell Furor Over Gas
They should try Gas-X or Beano.
Latino Catholics Increasingly Drawn To Pentecostalism
How do Pentecostal ministers feel about altar boys?
Sweden Boycotts Israel, Embraces Hamas
Yumpin yimini, when are they gonna sober up?
Circumcision Studied In Africa As AIDS Preventive
The only way it will work there is if they cut it off up to, and including, the scrotum.
Melee In Cairo Reveals Stress In Government
At least this keeps them from murdering Copts for a little while.
Official US Report Ignores Pakistan’s Anti-Israel Boycott
Another example of America’s “unwavering support” of Israel.
Rice’s Border Deal Blamed For Al-Qaeda Attack On Israel
Another example of America’s “unwavering support” of Israel.
Harvard Novelist Says Copying Was Unintentional
That’s what every kleptomaniac says as they steal from a store.
Sex Scandal, Low Ratings Are Latest Setbacks To Blair Government
Another sex scandal? It’s so British.
President Wants Anthem Sung In English
And as soon as he learns English, that’s how he is going to sing it.
Dubai Firm Cleared To Buy Military Supplier
Oops! We sent those mortars to al Qaeda. They were supposed to go to the Marines.
Sharp Reaction To G.O.P. Plan On Gas Rebate
$100 for you, $1 billion for me. What’s wrong with that?
German Tourist At Disney World Dies After An Amusement Ride
Amusement macht frei.
Ex-professor sentenced in Jihad case
Aw shucks, I thought they meant Dean Walt of Harvard’s Kennedy School.
Bolivian President Seizes Gas Industry
Where is he going to store all those beans?
In Mexico, Thousands Support Immigrants To U.S.
In U.S., immigrants support millions in Mexico.
Taliban Threat Is Said to Grow in Afghan South
I’m glad the war is over so we can go fight them in the south.
Pardons Granted 88 Years After Crimes Of Sedition
Let’s not keep Jonathan Pollard waiting that long.
An Ugly Side Of Free Trade: Sweatshops In Jordan
I was worried for a minute, I thought it said Jordache.
Foes Of Foreigners Grow Vocal In Britain
Get rid of those Brits. Allah Ahkbar!
Goss Leaves CIA
1. Bush exclaims, “By G_SS, we’ll find another CIA director.
2. He tried to find where all the leaks were coming and he was ready to announce
they were coming from the Oval Office, so they fired him.
Bush Advises Graduates On Technology
Your computer won’t start unless you plug it in to the electricity. Trust me, I know.
Patrick Kennedy To Seek Treatment
He’s going back to the family physician, Dr. Jim Beam.
Wachovia Bank Action Riles Muslim Activists
The bank won’t let them store bomb-making supplies in their safety deposit boxes?
QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever and/or informative,
Not that he necessarily agrees with them. Not even his own.
In 1940, we knew who we were, we knew who the enemy was, we knew the dangers and the issues. In our island, we knew we would prevail, that the Americans would be drawn into the fight. It is different today. We don't know who we are, we don't know the issues, and we still do not understand the nature of the enemy.
- Bernard Lewis
In the normal course of things, America is not a country given to excessive deference to historians and to the claims of history, for the past is truly a foreign country here.
- Fouad Ajami
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...
- Anonymous
The illusion of art is to make one believe that great literature is very close to life, but exactly the opposite is true. Life is amorphous, literature is formal.
- Francoise Sagan
The schlemiehl lands on his back and bruises his nose.
- Yiddish saying
My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one’s country, not to its institutions or officeholders.
- Mark Twain
Colonoscopist’s slogan: no polyp left behind.
- Diogenes
Growing old is like being penalized for a crime you haven’t committed.
- Anthony Powell
Rumor has it that in case of a bird flu epidemic, free flu shots will be provided at Kentucky Fried Chicken upon the purchase of a super-sized bucket of thighs and breasts.
- Diogenes
The minute a phrase becomes current it becomes an apology for not thinking accurately to the end of the sentence.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
In Brazil they’re making ethanol out of sugar cane. The ethanol is giving them good MPG but a large percentage of their cars are now suffering from diabetes.
- Diogenes
READER’S COMMENTS
Re: Oscar Wilde’s quote: The play was a great success, but the audience was a total failure.
The Creation was a "great success", until the sixth day. Maybe G-d should have rested a day earlier. (or quit while He was ahead.)
So says Diogenes. What do you say?
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