THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
December 2006, VOL. VI, #16
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(Items marked with an * were written by Diogenes.)

This is the last edition for 2006 so let me wish my readers a happy Secular New Year and encourage them to bring more readers into the Diogenes orbit during the coming year.

FORESIGHT; HINDSIGHT*

Most of us are not required to have much foresight when it comes to world events. It is usually sufficient for us to make do with a modicum of foresight when it comes to personal matters involving family, job, investments, etc.—nothing global. Our elected and selected leaders in government, business or academia given their positions of responsibilities, trust, honor and compensation should be held to higher—much higher—standards when it comes to foresight. Unfortunately, Americans are losers because our leaders seem to be completely bereft of foresight. In a great many cases, they do not even have hindsight. I don’t mean 20-20; I mean 200-200!

Let’s examine several individuals and groups that recently have crossed my radar screen.

Robert Gates*

Republicans and Democrats outdid each other in praising and approving the new Secretary of Defense. He certainly has a resume that can be much-admired, but it pays to read between the lines of his resume. As head of the CIA he supported and implemented a policy of arming and training the Afghans to help them drive the Russians out of their country. Without this shortsightedness, the Russians might still be bogged down in Afghanistan. This would have prevented the Taliban from taking over the country and blocked al Qaeda from using Afghanistan as an unfettered base of operations for its training camps.

It makes one wonder what gems he will come up with in his new position. At least as president of Texas A & M he couldn’t have done too much damage.



TONY BLAIR*

Just because someone speaks well it doesn’t mean that they know what they are talking about. Recently, he stated the if Israel and the Arabs reached an agreement over their differences all of the problems in the Middle East –including Iraq—would be solved.
First, we know that an ‘agreement’ as espoused by Tony is code for Israel giving in to all of the Arab demands. Second, if he really believes that if his advice is taken it will have any impact on the many other problems in the region he is more than somewhat daft. Are the Sunnis and Shias murdering each other over Israel and “Palestine?” Are the Iranians embarked on a nuclear program because of Israel? Are the Shias flexing their muscles because of Israel? Is al Qaeda trying to overthrow Arab governments because they support Israel? Is the Moslem Brotherhood trying to overthrow the Egyptian government because of its warm relations with Israel? 

And closer to home, are the Muslims in England trying to terrorize the country because of Israel or because England is fighting in Iraq and because England is a Western country? Apparently, Tony doesn’t have the foresight, the hindsight or the insight to recognize that catering to the Muslims will not solve the problems in the Middle East as it has not solved the problem on his home island.


THE PERSIAN EMPIRE*

There were some nice leaders—like Cyrus—of the Persian Empire but Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is not one of them. As a matter of fact, he is a throwback to some of the more bloodthirsty Persian tyrants who controlled large swaths of territory in the ancient world. It is worthwhile employing a little hindsight to recall how that empire was reduced to a glorious, albeit whimpering, memory. I believe that the Greeks were the first to kick their ass and later others joined in. Using my Greek nom de plume—Diogenes-- I suggest that Persian ass again be kicked to prevent their establishment of a new Middle Eastern empire.


THE BEAR IS OUT OF HIBERNATION*

Knowing history and analyzing it properly provides both 20-20 hindsight and foresight. And nations need both. Viewing America’s reaction to the end of the Cold War, we had neither. When we looked at Russia, we only saw the threat of Communism. We did not see the threat of Russia. With Communism gone we embraced the new Russia as part of the West and encouraged investment by the American business community. But the Russian bear was just hibernating. 

Now the bear is out of his cave and he’s not the dancing circus bear but an untamed and dangerous grizzly. We did not recognize that the real threat was not Communism, but Russia. The country was an aggressive imperialist nation under the communists and it was an aggressive imperialist nation under the tsars. That’s Russia, no matter who is in charge. 

As a recent visitor characterized the country: “It’s the Soviet Union without Communism.” And it’s in the process as becoming more so as Putin solidifies his authoritarian grip on the nation. Just another example of how “democracy” means different things to different people in different cultures.

I believe that our leaders now recognize Russia as an adversary—and a strong one, with a different agenda than the U.S. Despite their own problems with Islamic terror they do not uniformly support America’s war on terror. They do not support strong approaches to stop Iran’s or North Korea’s nuclear programs. They are talking—or, perhaps, doing more than talking—about rebuilding their military. And, Putin has succeeded in injecting Russian “peacekeepers” into Lebanon, something that neither Stalin nor the Tsar could achieve. Russia is not through meddling in the Middle East.

Despite that important parts of the old Soviet Union are no longer part of Russia—at least, politically—they cannot escape Russia’s iron economic and energy grip. The Ukraine, for example, is totally dependent on Russia gas and oil. Western Europe also is dependent on Russian natural gas. The West does not have to fear Russian missiles but they do have to fear a cutoff of energy supplies.

I would say that Russia now has more influence in Europe than the Soviet Union did. And, we should be prepared to see them use their influence in Europe and other parts of the world to thwart American initiatives.



OLMERT

It would be a travesty to mention hindsight or foresight in the same sentence as this pitiable excuse for a Jew and a human being, much less a leader. That’s why I did not mention his name. Ehud Olmert is a reflection of the worst in Israeli society. An example of the sickness of soul that has become an integral part of the leadership of Israel—the prime minister, the president, the cabinet members, the members of the Knesset, the members of the judicial and legal systems, and even the top echelons of the military. It also reflects the emotional sickness of the Israeli electorate who continue to vote for the worst of the worst within their sick society.

Common sense and logic escaped the Israeli leaders when they expelled the Jews from Gaza. Now they are expending more military effort to prevent the continuing attacks from Gaza than they complained about expending before the expulsion. Just as the IDF, under political direction, refused to carry out the required moves to end the violence before, it continues to use the same futile tactics today. 

When will the “please move out of your launching area immediately after you fire the Kassams because we plan to bomb the site” phone calls be eliminated? So humanitarian, but so militarily stupid. The same type of insane “humanitarianism” caused untold Israeli casualties in Lebanon when all of the buildings in the south, which housed Hizbollah fighters, were not immediately reduced to rubble. 

I assume his psychiatrist allowed Olmert to have a meeting with Abbas so that the idiot and the terrorist could discuss an agreement and hand over a few hundred million dollars to be used for paying members of his terrorist organization while supposedly keeping the money from Hamas. An agreement with Abbas isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. If you don’t believe me, just look it up in your Koran under Hudna. Remember, the only difference between Hamas and Abbas is timing.

While I don’t believe that Israel has much better to look forward to, it would be a Godsend if a suicide bomber took out the prime minister and his cabinet.



THE WAR BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN: TECHNOLOGICALLY SPEAKING

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on first.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


You pick the winner.



SOUTHERN EXPOSURE

An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, “Got any ID?”
The driver says, “ ‘Bout what?”

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, on says, “Hey Tommy Ray, watchya got in the bag?”
“Jess’ some chickens.”
“If I guess how many they is, kin I have one?”
“Shoot, if yaw guesses right, I’ll give you BOTH of ‘me!”
“OK. Mmm…..FIVE?”

An Albaman came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, “ Hurry over here, mah house is on fire!”
“OK,” replied the fireman, “how do we get there?”
“Shucks, don’t you fellers still have those big red trucks?”

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba she would send someone right away.
“Where do you live?” asked the operator.
Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?”
After a long pause, Bubba said, 
“How ‘bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of “Hee Haw” in Mississippi?
Documentaries.

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas.
If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

How do you know when you’re staying in a Kentucky motel?
When you call the front desk and say, “I’ve got a leak in my sink,”
And the person at the front desk says, “Go ahead.”



NAMES*
Names that fit and names that don’t.

This name sort of fits. According to The New York Times of 9/17/06, Christopher Putz, the head of San Francisco’s graffiti abatement unit has not caught that city’s most prolific graffiti artist. The police officer said that he wouldn’t show his facet the artist should recognize him. In San Francisco, he might entice the artist out of hiding if he showed his p***. 

Here is an appropriate name: Sound Advice, the name of an audio/electronics store in Florida.



HEADLINES AND COMMENTS*
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes

Bush Links Minimum Wage To Tax Break
A $2.10 increase over two years. How compassionate! The extra 10 cents is probably in remembrance of John D. Rockefeller who you to hand out dimes to show his generosity. 

Israel May Release Tax Funds To Abbas
Olmert is getting further ahead as the candidate for the Nobel Prize in idiocy: 
The Stupid Jew Award

U.S. Drops Bid Over Royalties From Chevron
So that’s how the Republican National Committee pays for all those election commercials.

Mexican Protesters Keep Their Message Alive
No fence, no fence?

NATO Forces Fight Taliban In 5 Provinces Of Afghanistan
Those NATO people must be morons. Don’t they know that the Taliban has been driven out of the country?

Iraq Demands A Pullback; U.S. Lifts Baghdad Cordon Soon After
Iraq demands, U.S. whimpers OK.

The House Has Voted To Save American Horses From Slaughter (ad headline)
Do you think that they can do the same for American soldiers?

Pakistan’s Leader Defends Airstrike On School
Whatever happened to no child left behind?

Against Nearly Universal Opposition, San Francisco Raises Taxicab Fares
It’s a hard hit against backseat gay romance.

Egypt Sends Sadat’s Nephew To Prison For Defaming The Military
Now that we’ve had democratic elections in Iraq and the “Palestinian” territories, will we send troops to bring democracy to Egypt?

Olmert Says Israel May Widen Military Role In Gaza
What did that moron expect would happen after the Israelis pulled out of Gaza?

3 Are Killed In 2 Truck Bombings In Algeria
With all of the trucks, cars and busses being blown up by the Muslims thugs, the replacement market should be looking good for Detroit.

When All Of The Bodies Have Been Buried In Darfur, How Will History Judge Us? 
(ad headline)
What say you Reverends Sharpton and Jackson, Sen.Obama, Maxine Waters, Cynthia McKinney and the religious and lay leaders of all of the mosques and Muslim charitable organizations? Did the Saudis put some money aside for Darfur relief from the hundreds of millions they are using to bribe American academics?

Britain To Set Up Jail For 6 On Pacific Island
They raped a child. Can it be due to the bad blood of the mutineers who settled Pitcairn Island?

At University For The Deaf, Protesters Press Broader Demands
I hear that their demands were met.

Italian Arms Contractor And Pennsylvania Congressman Share Close Ties
1. They strolled arms in arms.
2. The Italians were too late to sign up Duke Cunningham.

Computer With Personal Data Is Stolen from VA
Again! Identity thieves don’t have to go through your garbage, they can steal directly from the VA.

Regent Exam Grades Were Changed, Teachers At S.I. School Say
This is how no child left behind can succeed. It’s how the President got through school.

In Cuomo’s Last Administrative Job, A Program Was Tainted By Corruption
Too bad he didn’t get the police to whitewash the program like his father and grandfather were able to do.

On The Road With Jack And Suzy: Busy, Busy, Busy
He may not be so hot in the bedroom, but he’s a house-a-fire in the boardroom. 

Though frail, Castro Denies He’s Dead
The Cuban-American community says you can’t believe anything he says.

Because We Think It’s Important To Diversify, Too (BP ad headline)
Have they considered diversifying into competent, honest management?

Israel PM On 5-Day U.S. Visit
He’s probably looking for a below market-price condo that he can sell at a profit.

Africa’s World Of Forced Labor; Through The Eyes Of A 6-Year Old
It’s their version of vocational education.

Israel Calls Off Air Raid After Gaza Protest
1. Another step towards Israel’s demise.
2. Arabs admire Israel when it takes the “high road.”

Kissinger: Iraq Military Win Impossible
Isn’t that what he told Israel in 1966?

House Democrat Wants Draft Reinstated
The first step of a real exit strategy.

Iran Hosts Forum For Deniers Of Holocaust
1. Fits right into an Israeli strategy if they were clever enough to appreciate the opportunity. Bomb the Iranian nuclear sites and deny it ever happened. The Iranians would understand.
2.If he could get off the gargle, the Iranians might have invited Mel Gibson to represent his father at the forum.
3. Adolf Eichmann might have said, “A funny thing happened to me on my way to the forum.” 

Annan: Iran Intervention Would Be Unwise
Now that he’s out of the UN with his share of the Oil For Food graft, he doesn’t want anyone else to share in a future Iraqi-type Oil For Food rip-off.

‘Distant Threats” Push Israel To Boost Warplanes Range
Perhaps they should be more concerned about the local threats from such as the Prime Minister, his cabinet, the Knesset, the Arabs living in Israel, the ultra-Orthodox who do not recognize the State and the ultra-Left Wingers in the media, the courts and the universities who work assiduously at weakening the State?

Bandar Bush drops into the White House and the Bush kitchen in Kennebunkport uninvited. (not a headline, but interesting)
How can he get away with this kind of behavior when he’s not even a staff member of AIPAC?

Bush: Iraq Insurgents Hurt U.S. Efforts
What a revelation! And people say he’s not bright.

Olmert Meets With Abbas
Did Olmert escape or did his psychiatrist approve of the meeting?

With Jewish Roots Now Prized, Spain Starts Digging
The Museum Of The History Of The Polish Jews, Warsaw: Groundbreaking 2007
Isn’t it amazing how everyone loves the Jews after they have murdered them, especially if the remaining Jews still have a couple of bucks in their pockets? And Jews often lend a big hand in the process.

Energy Issues Focus Official Attention
Not enough attention to keep the consumers from being focused.

Donald vs. Rosie Conflict Escalates
This media obsession is less newsworthy than a knife-fight between two drunken Nicaraguan illegals in Laredo. 

Obama Draws Crowds As He Tours New Hampshire
Is this a continuation Of the Democrat presidential death wish?

Bishop Focused On Improving Catholic Church’s Bookkeeping
Instead of bookkeeping, maybe he should pay more attention to making sure his priests are ‘unfocused’ and are keeping their hands off the altar boys.

Sean Bell was Legally Drunk When He Was Shot By Police
1. Since when was intoxication a capital crime?
2. If they complained in Florida about two injections, what should we say about 50 shots in New York? 

Soros Sits In As A Fledgling Dovish Coalition Set Out To Raise Millions 
1. They want speed up the Peace of Death (also known as Peace Now) for Israel.
2. Isn’t it strange that these are the only people who want peace?

Conservative Jews Allow Gay Rabbis And Unions
I don’t mind their acceptance of labor organizations but too much hilarity from the pulpit is unseemly.

Report Blasts U.S. Oil Royalties Payment System
Does this mean that the oil companies are welfare cheats?



QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever and/or informative,
Not that he necessarily agrees with them. Not even with his own.

In the beginning: the scientists have pushed its date back by billions of years; the media and the American public have advanced it to last week.
- Diogenes

Attracted by the success of Monster.Com the Internet connection for employers and employees, the Muslims plan to start two Internet employment services for the faithful, Jihad.Com and Shaheed.Com. And the payments to their families are much better than minimum wage.
- Diogenes

A fundamentalist Christian Group has started an Internet service that enables people to confess online. They view that as a start of the redemption process. The Catholic Church objects to this approach. The church wants confession to be a hands-on operation by their priests.
- Diogenes

Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard. 
- Daphne Du Maurier 

On the door to success it says: push and pull.
- Jewish saying

You could tell that the election process was in high gear when your “Dear voter” mail outweighed your “You have been pre-approved” mail.
- Diogenes 

Did it make you wonder when the Congressman who tried to sweep the page controversy under the rug was nicknamed “Coach?”
- Diogenes

Study history.
- Donald Rumsfeld (11/9/06)

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

The President of Iran refused to attend a U.N. banquet because wine was being served. The Iranian President said he was afraid he’d get really drunk and say 
something pro-Semitic.
- Conan O’Brien

Today’s most appropriate nickname for many professional athletes: “The Defendant.”
- Diogenes

Six of the most aggravating words in the English language: “your call is important to us.”
- Diogenes

Nothing will empty a concert hall quicker than an announcement that the orchestra will play Schoenberg. Not even a bomb scare. .
- Anonymous

In the days when the pharmacist had to process a medication, we brought in our prescription and were out of the store in minutes. Today, his main job is pouring pills from one bottle to another and the only drug he processes is when he’s rolling a joint for himself, we’re stuck in the pharmacy for hours.
- Diogenes

To the man-in-the-street, whom I’m sorry to say,
As a keen observer of life,
The word ‘Intellectual’ suggests straight away
A man who’s untrue to his wife.
- W. H. Auden

The Jews: a dwarf nation with an oversized, huge, enormous, gigantic, immense, monumental footprint.
- Diogenes

Every time you go to an airport you are reminded of the old saying, ‘the only good Muslim is a dead Muslim, but only before he sets off his bombers vest.’ 
- Diogenes

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
- Anonymous

Men are like fine wine . . .They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
- Anonymous

With the Germans rebuilding their military, I’ll wager that they are looking forward to presents from Santa Clausewitz.
- Diogenes

Do Austrian priests ask Santa for the Vienna Boys Choir?
- Diogenes

Now we understand why there must be a fourth matriarch. The sharing and partnering of the other couples is extremely significant to Jewish family life and national destiny. But there is one attribute that mothers must initiate, and fathers rarely equal, compassion. The very word in Hebrew for compassion, rachamin, comes from our mothers. The root of this word is rechem or womb. Only the one who has carried and bonded with the baby for those nine long months can really empathize with the child. So it shouldn’t coma as a surprise that we need an extra matriarch. And we shouldn’t wonder that all those big bad athletes mouth ‘Hello Mom,’ when the camera is on them. We guys are just returning a little of the love.
- David Walk


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