THE DIOGENES REPORT
The Wit, Wisdom & Wituperation of Emanuel L. Strunin
“a few steps ahead of the curve”
February 2007, VOL. VII, #II
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(Items marked with an * were written by Diogenes.)
STUMBLING OUT OF THE LAST WAR INTO THE NEXT WAR*
After hearing the litany of things that were wrong about how the Lebanon war was waged and how Israel plans to improve its military capabilities, I believe that I can offer some sage advice on this subject. I don’t claim to be a military maven, but, then again, neither are the generals of the Israeli Defense Forces or their political decision makers.
The problem, the Israeli military claims, was that the 2006 Lebanon War was like no other they had fought. It was an urban war and the Hezbollah weapon of choice was the rapidly deployable and movable Katyusha rocket. They also claim that Israel’s hi-tech weaponry was not geared for this type of fighting.
Hi-tech misused
I disagree. One of the major deficiencies in Israel’s war plan was the misuse of its hi-tech capabilities. It is my opinion that this misuse was done purposely. I don’t know if this was a failure of judgment by the military or by the political leadership, or both. The Israeli air force seems to have been used to good effect on Shia neighborhoods in Beirut. But that was merely psychological warfare that had little effect on the war front or on the home front. And in order to minimize casualties from those attacks, the IAF probably dropped leaflets and issued radio warnings for supporters of Hezbollah to evacuate those neighborhoods.
Unfortunately for Israel’s infantry and tankers, Beirut was not near the fighting or the Katyusha launching pads or storage areas. The south Lebanon buildings where the Hezbollah fighters were hiding and from which they came to attack IDF units from behind received minimal attention from the air force…and from IDF artillery. The Israeli military rather put its own soldiers at risk than level the buildings where Hezbollah fighters and their equipment were hidden. They did not want to harm the “civilians” living in those buildings. I saw those buildings continue to stand after the IDF advanced beyond them. I heard interviews with IDF officers who stated that, “we don’t want to harm those people because they are our friends.” I did not hear one officer say that, “we will do everything to protect our soldiers.”
Sensible tactics
Don’t blame the IAF or its hi-tech weapons for being inadequate in the war. Their operations were purposely wasted. They could have been used effectively to turn every building within 25 miles of Israel’s border into rubble. By counting how many Hezbollah
were able to crawl out from under the steel and concrete, a valid judgment could be made as to the effectiveness of Israel’s weaponry.
Contrast the phony and ineffective psychological warfare that Israel was conducting in Beirut, with the potentially much more effective psychological and operational disarray that could have been inflicted on the Hezbollah fighters in the field when they saw their homes being turned to rubble with their families inside. As for the underground bunkers: didn’t the IAF ever hear of napalm? These approaches even could have brought a quicker and more favorable end to the fighting and prevented much of the rain of Katyushas on Israel.
We can’t wait for 21st century technology
One Israeli commentator on the war wrote: “Israel is going to have to find a 21st-century technology with which to respond to a mid-20th-century threat. We certainly can’t stop 1940’s rockets (Katyushas) in the arsenal of the Arabs with what we have.” He is wrong, very wrong! The rockets can be stopped if the Israeli government has the will, which it didn’t have when it allowed the rockets to be accumulated in southern Lebanon over a period of years. And since the government continues, to this day, to allow the flow of rockets into Lebanon, even 21st century technology won’t help.
The way to prevent another multi-thousand Katyusha buildup in Lebanon is to conduct regular bombing raids against the shipping points from Syria into Lebanon, as well as occasional, meaningful, punishing raids into Syria. Also required are raids by helicopter-borne troops into bunker and storage locations identified by drone flights. And, if at all possible south Lebanon should be turned into a free fire zone. The Hezbollah/Shia fighters should be forced to consider how quickly they want their families to get to heaven. Perhaps, the Israeli government would rather see how fast its own citizens get to heaven.
The development of 21st century weaponry is not only desirable, but essential. However, 20th century and even 19th century weapons and tactics still can be used to advantage.
Let their punishment fit their crimes
Beside strategy and tactics, another lesson must be learned from the Lebanon War of 2006. The military and political leaders responsible for this national fiasco and for the unnecessary deaths and maiming of Israeli soldiers and civilians, as well as the tremendous property damage, should not be permitted to resign. They should be tried, at least, for malfeasance and, even, for manslaughter for sending soldiers to the battlefield without proper protective clothing, without proper weapons, without proper training and without proper direction. This may, or may not, force future leaders to prepare the nation properly for its everlasting defense, but it will make a great many of its soldiers and civilians happier.
ISRAEL CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS #1*
The problems in Kashmir could be solved if, only, Israel retreated to its 1967 borders; better, to its 1949 borders; even better, to the 1945 borders.
The problem of illegal immigration from Mexico could be solved if, only, Israel retreated to its 1967 borders; better, to its 1949 borders; even better, to the 1945 borders.
DID YOU NOTE?-- Comments by Diogenes
Over 1,400 guns and missiles were found in the Islamic University in Gaza and confiscated.
- And the Arabs are always complaining that Israel limits educational materials in their schools.
The government has been searching for ways to protect western Negev communities against the constant barrage of Kassam rockets fired by Gaza terrorists that will not require deployment of ground troops.
- Have the fearful Israeli leaders considered immediate carpet-bombing of the entire area from which the rockets are being fired. This won’t require deploying ground troops and be much more economical than building an anti-missile system. It will also, most likely, put an end to the Kassams.
With rumors that the Olmert government is considering another withdrawal involving the expulsion of several tens of thousands of Jews, the spiraling costs of relocating fewer than 9,000 Jews from Gush Katif and northern Shomron might be of interest.
- The Indians, who sold Manhattan Island to the Dutch according to legend, received the equivalent of $24. The emotionally disturbed Israeli leaders want to give away the land, not only, without any payment, but also with a cost to the nation of billions of dollars. Jews may be smart, but they are not necessarily sane.
A foundation of evidence has been built that would justify opening a criminal investigation against the Prime Minister for conflict of interest in a banking affair.
The case went to Attorney General, who handed it over to the police for further investigation. It was decided to go ahead with a full criminal investigation against the Prime Minister after reviewing the findings of the police probe. Livni, the Foreign Minister, has been designated as the Deputy Prime Minister to lead the government if Olmert is unable to fulfill his duties.
- If?…if?…if?…when has Olmert ever fulfilled the duties of a Prime Minister
-
At the recent Herzliya Conference Nobel Prize Laureate Prof. Israel (Robert) J. Aumann emphatically stated that post-Zionism “will be the end of us.”
Prof. Aumann, of the Center for the Study of Rationality at Jerusalem’s Hebrew University, began his address by addressing the Iranian threat, but shifted his focus midway to what he said poses an even more serious threat to the Jewish nation: post-Zionism.
Having outlined the threat of Iranian nuclear attack, and the greater threat of Iranian proliferation of nuclear weapons among Islamic terror groups, Aumann continued:
“And now a few words about a third threat, which is perhaps the greatest of all. It does not come from Iran, nor from terrorist groups, nor from any external source. It comes from within us. ‘We have met the enemy, and it is us.’ Esteemed ladies and gentlemen, your humble servant makes his living from game theory - among other things, very serious games: games of life and death and of existence and annihilation.
“The name of the game in game theory is motivation, incentives. Earlier, we discussed the motivations of those standing on the opposite side. Motivating ourselves is the most important thing, and the thing we are losing the most. Without motivation, we will not endure. What are we doing here? Why are we here? What are we aspiring to here? We are here because we are Jewish, we are Zionist, because of our ancient bond to this land; we aspire to realize our 2,000-year-old hope of becoming a free nation in our land, the Land of Zion and Jerusalem. Without this profound understanding, we will not endure. We will simply no longer be here; post-Zionism will finish us off.”
The Nobel Prize Laureate, who was an outspoken opponent of the Disengagement, then addressed the prime minister: “About half a year ago in Petra, Jordan, the prime minister said that we are tired. He was right. He was elected by the nation, and he expresses the sentiments of the nation. We are like a mountain-climber that gets caught in a snowstorm; the night falls, he is cold and tired, and he wants to sleep. If he falls asleep, he will freeze to death. We are in terminal danger because we are tired. I will allow myself to say a few unpopular, unfashionable words: our panicked lunging for peace is working against us. It brings us farther away from peace, and endangers our very existence. I think it was Churchill who said, ‘If you want peace, prepare for war.’ The preparation includes material preparation, a fantastic army, effective tools of war, but above all, we are talking about spiritual preparation, about spiritual readiness to go to war.
“Roadmaps, capitulation, gestures, disengagements, convergences, deportations, and so forth do not bring peace. On the contrary, they bring war, just as we saw last summer. These things send a clear signal to our 'cousins' [the Arabs -ed.] that we are tired, that we no longer have spiritual strength, that we have no time, that we are calling for a time-out. They only whet their appetites. It only encourages them to pressure us more, to demand more, and not to give up on anything. These things stem from simple theoretical considerations and also from straight thinking. But it's not just theory: it has been proven and re-proven in the field over thousands of years. I returned today from a trip to India, where we heard about historical stories that illustrate the same. Capitulations bring about war; determination and readiness bring about peace.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we must tell our 'cousins' that we are staying here. We are not moving. We have time; we have patience; we have stamina. Understand this and internalize it. And we must not simply say it to our cousins but feel it within ourselves. This and only this will bring peace. We can really live in peace and unity and cooperation with our cousins. But only after they understand and internalize that the Zionist state will be here forever. Thank you very much.”
- Yashar Koach
MORE WORD PLAY
In the previous issue there was a list of 16 winning words from The Washington Post's Style Invitational that asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. One of the readers of The Diogenes Report added the following words:
17. phallicsize:Viagra user
18.cuntagious:sex fiend
19.bias:how to wear a thong
20.bisex: how the animals boarded the Ark
DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR CAR
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash...
Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
TALKING DOG
A guy is driving around the back roads of Tennessee and he sees this sign in front of a broken down shack
FOR SALE…TALKING DOG
He knocks. The owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
You talk? he asks.
Yep, the Lab replies.
As he recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, so, what's your story?
The Lab looks up and says, well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of CIA’s most valuable spooks for eight years running.
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for an undercover security job at the airport, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in on their conversations. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
Enough heroics. I got married somewhere along the way, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.
The guy is amazed. He goes back inside and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
Ten bucks, the guy says.
Ten bucks? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?
Because he's a dirty liar. He never did any of that stuff
NAMES
Names that fit and names that don’t.
I think this one fits. Cara Putzrath sent a letter to The New York Times Magazine, January 20,2007 complaining about people who frown upon little boys who dress up in pink, sparkly frocks. I guess she has a mighty wrath against putzes.
HEADLINES AND COMMENTS*
Headlines from the world’s press. Comments by Diogenes
Agency Says High Casualty Rate Was Posted In Error
Have no fear; by next month it will be correct.
Senate Report Says S.E.C. Botched Hedge Fund Inquiry
They didn’t botch it; they wanted to get the big hitter crook off the hook.
General Casey Parries Attacks in the Senate On His Record In Iraq
Too bad he couldn’t parry those attacks in Baghdad.
Albany Raises State Limit On Donations To Candidates
That should help clear up the ethics issue.
An Afghan’s Path From Ally Of U.S. To Drug Suspect
Usually the path leads the other way.
Neighbors Of British Terror Suspects Skeptical Of Charges
Ain’t nobody here but us chickens.
U.S. Reconfigures The Way Casualty Totals Are Given
Subtract 500, divide by three; never add or multiply; just subtract and divide.
Cuomo And Sharpton In Post-Election Conciliatory Mode
There’ll be multi-colored hands in the cookie jar.
Greenwich Parishioners See Much To Like In Ousted Priest
1. Father knows best: he knows the best restaurants; the best resorts; the best luxury cars; and the best cabin cruisers.
2. So he skimmed some big bucks off the donations; no worse than his parishioners do in business.
3. Did he pay Federal and state taxes on his extra income?
4. At least he was too busy to fool around with the altar boys.
5. They say he ran nice weddings, gave good sermons; and handled communion well: it’s like the Romans used to say, “Give the people bread and circuses and they’ll be happy.”
Glitch In Questions Taints A Medical Admissions Test
Was it the medical malpractice question or the gifts from pharmaceutical companies question?
Harvard Analysis Casts Doubt On Works Said to be Pollocks
What was the problem, the paints didn’t smell from kielbasa?
Doctors’ Strike Throws Wrench In Health System Of Zimbabwe
Witch doctors?
Prospect Of Womb Transplants Raises Red Flags
Watch where you’re sticking those flags!
Peretz Chooses Israeli Anti-Missile Defense System
Now the Israelis need an anti-Peretz, anti-Olmert, anti-left wing defense system.
Texas Is First To Require Cancer Shots For Schoolgirls
In the past, some had shots but most drank right out of the bottle.
17 Die As Fatah-Hamas Warfare Spreads
One of the first acts of the fighting was to burn down the library of the Islamic University in Gaza. Burning down libraries is an ancient Muslim tradition.
21 In Dorchester, Quincy Arrested: A Drug Ring Tying Canada To Boston Area
Does senior citizens explain it?
Urban Schools' Diploma Rates Lag: Nearly 40% Don't Graduate On Time
Not to worry, the NBA is there as a backup.
Sinn Fein Endorses Plan For Ulster Police Reforms
Plan A: get rid of the Protestants.
Ahmad Abu Laban, Leading Danish Imam, Dies At 60
Maybe a Danish cartoonist poisoned him.
Iraq’s Shadow Widens Sunni-Shiite Split In U.S.
It’s much worse than the split between Reform and Orthodox.
At Least 130 Die As Blast Levels Baghdad Market
It’s just sectarian killing, don’t you dare call it civil war.
QUOTES I LIKE
Diogenes considers them clever and/or informative,
Not that he necessarily agrees with them. Not even with his own.
The past is not dead. It’s not even past.
- William Faulkner
Something is rotten in the State of Denmark: Can it be the growing Muslim population?
- Diogenes
If France sent 20,000 soldiers to Baghdad would they call it a Serge?
- Diogenes
A 70-year- old nurse walks into a bank and prepares to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great...just great...Some asshole's got my pen.
- Anonymous
A synagogue being built in Evanston, Illinois will be “green” --environmentally correct. What I would like to see, are more blue and white synagogues.
- Diogenes
You’d better know who you are, because they know who you are.
- Robert M. Morgenthau
Europeans long wanted Jews out of Europe—until they finally left, at which point they wanted them out of Palestine, too. The implication for Jews was don’t be here and don’t be there. That is, don’t be.
- Amos Oz
To write one’s memoirs is to speak ill of everybody except oneself.
- Henri Petain
Every positive value has its price in negative terms…the genius of Einstein leads to Hiroshima.
- Pablo Picasso
A man’s dying is more the survivor’s affair than his own.
- Thomas Mann
Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you have only one.
- Emile-Auguste Chartier
The truth, which makes men free, is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.
- Herbert Agar
Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.
- Arnold Lobel
Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
- Robert Frost
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- Erma Bombeck
Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.
- Mort Sahl